Author Topic: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”  (Read 1159 times)

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

“An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« on: April 17, 2015, 01:42:17 PM »
Chapter One

One day, in the afterlife, I met a guy. We shared a table in a little diner. He told me I could call him, "J.C." His friend stood nearby, holding a sign that read, “The End is Near.”

In an attempt to be friendly, I asked J.C. if he was preaching Love today.

He answered, “Yes, I am preaching Love today!”

I said, “Peace be with you.” 

He responded, “Have you heard the Truth?.”

I said, “Let me stop you right there, J.C., don't try to corrupt this nice discussion of morality that we're having, with some kind of mythology.” 

He looked puzzled for a moment, like it had been quite some time, since anybody questioned him. “Who do you think that I am?” he asked.

I answered, “I don't know.” Then I countered, “Who do you think that you are?”

That shut him up. And we sat at the table in quiet.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2015, 01:50:01 PM by Solomon Zorn »
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2015, 01:43:08 PM »
Chapter Two

So I broke the silence, “Healed any vaginal-emissions lately?”

He looked a little embarrassed  as he answered, “No.”

I asked him, “If I have faith will my dick get bigger?”

“No,” he said.

Then I got bold and said, “Tell me, J.C., when was the last time you got some?”

He said, “NOYB.”

I said, “Fair enough. Can you help me get some?”

He said, “How averse are you to paying for it?”

“J.C.!” I exclaimed, “You surprise me!”

“Just be careful to use a good quality rubber,” he advised. “STD's have an afterlife too, you know.”

“What about saving myself for marriage?” I asked.

Are you?” he responded.

“No.” I said

“It's just as well,” he said. “Afterlife women are too smart to make vows, especially when there's no more death to part us.”
« Last Edit: April 17, 2015, 01:50:25 PM by Solomon Zorn »
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2015, 03:40:35 PM »
Make the diner a "Waffle House".  I'll have the Texas Cheesesteak Melt with hash browns smothered covered and peppered and a large coke.
"How long will we be
 Waiting, for your modern messiah
 To take away all the hatred
 That darkens the light in your eye"
  -Disturbed, Liberate

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2015, 04:22:50 PM »
Make the diner a "Waffle House".  I'll have the Texas Cheesesteak Melt with hash browns smothered covered and peppered and a large coke.
You are welcome to order whatever you want at the diner, I would imagine, but the Coke they gave me, looked like a medium. I think it was technically a large, but either way, it really hit the spot.
« Last Edit: April 17, 2015, 04:45:32 PM by Solomon Zorn »
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Offline Mr.Obvious

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2015, 02:15:29 AM »
Kind of confused here, sorry :s
E = Mc²

In the end, we are all standing in the dark,
trying to figure out why we are here.
But let us not choose one direction
without proof of where it is headed.

Check your pocket for matches
so we can observe and learn together
as fast friends and relative idiots.

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2015, 04:28:03 AM »
Kind of confused here, sorry :s
Thank you for saying so. I figure everybody is. The first chapter is based on a dream , I had, in which a guy in a diner seemed to think he was Jesus. I just changed the dream, to "the afterlife," and took it from there.

I'm envisioning J.C. as a much older and more mature soul, who regrets some of his shenanigans (like faith-healing), now that he's seen the reality of the afterlife. I thought maybe i could get into the ways that his words have been twisted. My aim is to be funny, and thought provoking. It's just a start, but I was anxious to share, and I thought it might work well as installments, like a serial.
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2017, 06:36:21 PM »
It has to be pretty boring up there, in the afterlife that is, when the only people present are REALLY, REALLY good Christians. I mean, you're spending an eternity with these people, from across the last two thousand years, and God only knows which Christians made it into heaven after all.



"This post reminds me, just a little, of my own excursion into...I don't know what to call it...holy satire, maybe?

Mine is called "An Afterlife Chat with J.C." I thought I might add to it over time, but I haven't had the inspiration.

If you like it, leave a reply, and revive the thread:
http://atheistforums.com/index.php?topic=7554.0" - Solomon Zorn
"To have faith is to lose your mind and to win God."
-The Sickness unto Death - 1849

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2017, 08:28:34 PM »
God Not Found
"FRAUD. The life of commerce, the soul of religion, the bait of courtship, and the basis of political power."
Ambrose Bierce

Offline Cavebear

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #8 on: April 07, 2017, 01:31:54 AM »
Nice.  IF there was a jesus to begin with...
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead

Offline Baruch

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2017, 01:25:13 PM »
Nice.  IF there was a jesus to begin with...

No counter-factual hypotheticals for you then!
שלום

Offline SGOS

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #10 on: April 09, 2017, 05:34:54 PM »
I often try to come up with a mental outline of meeting the real deity, and he's somehow not all that everyone expects, with entirely different objectives and personal foibles as well.  It's just a daydream, and I never go anywhere with it.  Don't even know what his objectives would be.  Still, I think the premise might be a good one in the right hands.

Online aitm

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #11 on: April 09, 2017, 05:59:20 PM »
I have had a couple magical "conversations" with our jesus friend. And in each scenario, he looks exactly like the Euro-jesus and not the jew jesus....odd that eh? How odd indeed.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

Offline Baruch

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #12 on: April 09, 2017, 07:49:37 PM »
I often try to come up with a mental outline of meeting the real deity, and he's somehow not all that everyone expects, with entirely different objectives and personal foibles as well.  It's just a daydream, and I never go anywhere with it.  Don't even know what his objectives would be.  Still, I think the premise might be a good one in the right hands.

See Bible and Quran.  Both are made up of exactly what you propose.
שלום

Offline SGOS

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #13 on: April 09, 2017, 09:04:08 PM »
See Bible and Quran.  Both are made up of exactly what you propose.
In my daydream, God is very explicit about the fact that he had nothing to do with the Bible, and that his personality and interests are usually contradictory with the Bible description.  Not that he's evil at all.  He's actually quite a likeable fellow.  It's just that he's not the god men have described.  I have no further details, and have no idea where the story goes beyond that.

Offline Baruch

Re: “An Afterlife Chat with J.C.”
« Reply #14 on: April 09, 2017, 09:41:27 PM »
In my daydream, God is very explicit about the fact that he had nothing to do with the Bible, and that his personality and interests are usually contradictory with the Bible description.  Not that he's evil at all.  He's actually quite a likeable fellow.  It's just that he's not the god men have described.  I have no further details, and have no idea where the story goes beyond that.

Look in mirror.  When we choose our own god, he/she always looks a lot like ourselves ;-)
שלום