Do you believe dating should 'lead' to anything...?

[Deidre32]

A guy I was seeing said that he thinks dating should lead to marriage. I disagree, Marriage is one of the dumbest inventions known to mankind, if you ask me. I'm not against love and monogamy, but marriage seems...pointless. This isn't to say that I begrudge others of marrying. ^_^

What do you think?

[Hydra009]

Going steady?  Sure.  Marriage?  Not necessarily.

[Munch]

Sounds like he's trying to move one step forward a wee bit to quick.
I never went on a date with my now boyfriend's, we meet online at a great distance, and got to know each other, becoming friends and eventually bfs.

That's not to say it can't work that way, but dating doesn't = leading to marriage, it's just a method to get to know people first.

[Valigarmander]

I don't like blanket statements; I don't think all dating should lead to any single end. Dating should lead wherever the two consenting parties want it to lead, be it marriage, or an open relationship, or a few one-night stands, or a long-lasting relationship that doesn't involve marriage at all, or a single memorable dinner and nothing more.

[Atheon]

I agree with Valigarmander. Dating can lead to wherever the people involved want it to go, from a one-time night out to a life-long relationship. Some may seek long-term relationships, while others may just want to have short-term fun.

[trdsf]

If he's going into a date with that mindset, then he's not especially interested in what his dating partner has in mind.  Like so many other things, dating should be goal-less beyond a pleasant time being had by all, and if that happens, then other longer-term possibilities open up.

At my age, I'm starting to go on carbon dating sites... :D

[Shiranu]

I mean, I would assume it should have the goal of leading to a relationship between the two of you... not even necessarily romantic if you hit it off as friends but nothing more... but besides that, I don't think it should have any end-game goals.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

[aitm]

Before we get to hard on the guy, perhaps he just said it the wrong way. Marriage should at least be preceded by dating, so in that case he would be correct. That dating must lead to marriage would be a good indication that a second date could be a mistake.

[SGOS]

It helps when the two people on a date want the same things.  When I first read the OP, I did have a slight discomfort over "dating should lead to marriage", although it might just be with the way it's worded.  Dating might lead to marriage.  But to say it should sets up expectations that aren't warranted.  Dates seldom lead to marriage, the vast majority of dates don't go anywhere.  Now it would have been more comfortable as "Collectively, dating should lead to marriage."  That suggests a person is dating to meet candidates, and an eventual goal might be marriage.  I don't see anything wrong with that.  Just get rid of the "shoulds".

I wasn't big on dating.  It always seemed ritualistic:

Call on the phone
Have request accepted
Go do a specific activity
Take woman home
Kiss goodnight or jump in the sack

I would have to say that the most meaningful relationships for me seldom started with a date or ever consisted of an actual date.  This includes my marriage.  I would meet someone and share a strong mutual attraction, and we would just end up being together, but nothing we ever did ever struck me as a date.  And for me, meaningful relationships happened quickly.  If a friendship or a dating situation lasted for an extended period of time, there was never going to be more than a friendship.

I actually have a fantasy about developing a relationship with a woman I've been friends with for a long time.  I suppose it's a fantasy, if you want to call it that, because it's never happened, and I actually think it would be cool.

[aitm]

OP question aside, for me, at this time of my life, there is no dating, there would be "pre-fuck" drinks, then fucking, then "post-fuck" drinks and maybe another fuck in the am if I am lucky.

[Mermaid]

I think if you want dating to lead to marriage, it should lead to marriage. If you do not want dating to lead to marriage, it should not lead to marriage. It's pretty simple. If you are seeing someone who wants to get married and you do not, perhaps there is a fundamental compatibility issue. Or maybe not? I never really cared about getting married, but when I met my now-husband, I knew we'd be together for the duration, so the legality of marriage didn't really matter to me either way.

The problem starts when people start to assert their own opinions about this and other things on other people. If everyone would just mind their own beeswax, the world would be a happier place.

[SGOS]

If you are seeing someone who wants to get married and you do not, perhaps there is a fundamental compatibility issue. Or maybe not?

I assume most people want to get married because most people eventually do.  But not everyone wants to get married at the same time.  I've been with several women who I believe would have been suitable marriage partners, but the main problem was that the timing was wrong.  A few years further on and things might have changed.

I know, until I was in my late 20s, marriage was out of the question, and then one day, I decided I would like to get married, and I started viewing the purpose of dating (or just hanging out together) in an entirely new light.  So for me, timing seems like an important issue in finding a marriage partner.

[GrinningYMIR]

Eh, if it mattered to her i would get married. There is a sort or romance attached to the idea. But it's not a necessity to me

[Savior2006]

I try to avoid dating the same why I avoid venomous snakes. I'm not good at dealing with either one.