Do you believe dating should 'lead' to anything...?

[dtq123]

Dating should lead to pleasure, and nothing more.

If any other emotion happens, the date is a failure in my eyes.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

OP question aside, for me, at this time of my life, there is no dating, there would be "pre-fuck" drinks, then fucking, then "post-fuck" drinks and maybe another fuck in the am if I am lucky.

My gf told me she didn't have time to dick around with dinner drinks and dating. Go to bed first and if that's fun we can make time for dinner, drinks and dating. I'm quite happy to report she was right.. Our first stop was the bedroom and 3 months later we're just getting around to dinner drinks and dating..   It turns out she can cook too!

[Solitary]

It helps when the two people on a date want the same things.  When I first read the OP, I did have a slight discomfort over "dating should lead to marriage", although it might just be with the way it's worded.  Dating might lead to marriage.  But to say it should sets up expectations that aren't warranted.  Dates seldom lead to marriage, the vast majority of dates don't go anywhere.  Now it would have been more comfortable as "Collectively, dating should lead to marriage."  That suggests a person is dating to meet candidates, and an eventual goal might be marriage.  I don't see anything wrong with that.  Just get rid of the "shoulds".

I wasn't big on dating.  It always seemed ritualistic:

Call on the phone
Have request accepted
Go do a specific activity
Take woman home
Kiss goodnight or jump in the sack

I would have to say that the most meaningful relationships for me seldom started with a date or ever consisted of an actual date.  This includes my marriage.  I would meet someone and share a strong mutual attraction, and we would just end up being together, but nothing we ever did ever struck me as a date.  And for me, meaningful relationships happened quickly.  If a friendship or a dating situation lasted for an extended period of time, there was never going to be more than a friendship.

I actually have a fantasy about developing a relationship with a woman I've been friends with for a long time.  I suppose it's a fantasy, if you want to call it that, because it's never happened, and I actually think it would be cool.

Been there done that, it wasn't planned and we just started talking and it blossomed, and it sure as hell beat being married. We were like book ends that like the same things, and enjoyed each other with no rules attached or expectations because we never thought we owned each other. Best 5 year on and off relationship I ever had, and the happiest I have ever been, and miss it dearly now when she ended it after finding out I was married and she was a women's libber and thought I was different then other men. She wouldn't let me explain that my marriage had been over. I had two sons that needed me.  Solitary

[Brian37]

Consent is what matters. Not saying do not get married at all. But even with marriage I think it is stupidly sold as a utopia like in a movie.  I think even with marriage the mature thing is to accept like the rest of life, things might change. Marriage sold the way it is now as a majority sets people up to be bitter and vengeful when things don't work out. I say do what works, try to be on the same page as much as possible, plan and have good communication skills either way. But if the ride ends it doesn't have to turn into a war, dating or married.

[the_antithesis]

Marriage is a business contract. Nothing more. Next time a guy lays that on you, tell him this.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

We've talked about marriage, but I'm still technically married to the same bitch I haven't seen nor heard from in almost 30 years. Before I decide to marry, if I do we'll have to reconcile the difference in our beliefs. I won't be married by a member of any clergy and have to stand there listening to his or her gibberish about the sanctimonious crap.

[Brian37]

Marriage is a business contract. Nothing more. Next time a guy lays that on you, tell him this.

I don't think it has to be solely viewed as clinical, but yea, it is a contract. Doesn't have to be loveless but it is also not the fairy tale or God sanction woo people make it out to be.

[the_antithesis]

I don't think it has to be solely viewed as clinical, but yea, it is a contract. Doesn't have to be loveless but it is also not the fairy tale or God sanction woo people make it out to be.

Don't confuse a marriage with a relationship. A relationship is when two people share their lives together. A marriage is when they decide they need to get the law involved with it. There are some benefits, but also drawbacks.

[SGOS]

I was sitting in one of those big restaurants that serve buffet style.  You pay your money up front and they give you tray with a plate, and then you walk up to one of many steam table arrays and load up.  From 11:00 to 3:00 they have the special, sometimes called the senior special.  And indeed the seniors to tend to show up in disproportionately large numbers.  OK, you know what I'm talking about right?

OK, so I'm sitting in one of these with a friend and just looking around studying people at great length, and I'm looking at the seniors.  Most show up as couples, married I suppose.  Obviously, the cheap dinner and an abundance is something that must make them happy, but in studying closely, I didn't see but one or two couples smiling.  In fact, most sat there looking like they were pissed off at life, while their partners sat there looking just as pissed.  I dunno, maybe it's just the way seniors look.  In fact, if they weren't smiling, which was all but one or two, they weren't even talking.  I watched for a long time.  When I say not talking, I mean not saying one word as far as I could tell during the whole meal.  They did not make eye contact.  If one paused during eating, they would just stare off someplace other than their partner.

These are not what I call happy married couples in loving relationships.  They are simply together because they don't know what else to do.  Their marriages may have endured for many years, but their relationships had gotten all fucked up.

[Deidre32]

I try to avoid dating the same why I avoid venomous snakes. I'm not good at dealing with either one.

I'm starting to float into this mindset, myself. lol ^_^

[Deidre32]

We've talked about marriage, but I'm still technically married to the same bitch I haven't seen nor heard from in almost 30 years. Before I decide to marry, if I do we'll have to reconcile the difference in our beliefs. I won't be married by a member of any clergy and have to stand there listening to his or her gibberish about the sanctimonious crap.

how are you 'technically' married? ^_^

[the_antithesis]

In fact, most sat there looking like they were pissed off at life, while their partners sat there looking just as pissed.  I dunno, maybe it's just the way seniors look.

My brother's grandmother-in-law used to wake up and then be pissed because she wasn't dead yet. Lady lived for a good decade or two in that state. Must suck to be ready to die and no go.

These are not what I call happy married couples in loving relationships.  They are simply together because they don't know what else to do.  Their marriages may have endured for many years, but their relationships had gotten all fucked up.

The Nazi concentration camps lasted for a good six years.

Jim Crow lasted about seventy-five years.

Just because something lasts doesn't mean it's any good.

[stromboli]

Dating is a mating ritual for the traditional minded. If you were Mormon or a Christian, you would automatically be looked at as a prospective bride. Shouldn't be seen as anything more than friends getting together otherwise.

Like aitm, at my age the whole idea seems pointless. I might take someone out just for "get to know" but that's about it.

[Johan]

A guy I was seeing said that he thinks dating should lead to marriage. I disagree, Marriage is one of the dumbest inventions known to mankind, if you ask me. I'm not against love and monogamy, but marriage seems...pointless. This isn't to say that I begrudge others of marrying. ^_^

What do you think?

As I've gotten older, I've learned to know and respect my own boundaries and wants and needs. But I've also learned that people don't always say exactly what they mean, even when they're being completely honest. Sometimes when someone says they're only interested in dating if it leads to marriage its because they have a desire to have a committed relationship which involves marriage and nothing less will do for them. But in other cases someone might say they're only interested in dating if it leads to marriage because they desire a committed long term monogamous relationship and in our society, that is commonly referred to as a marriage. Kind of like asking someone to hand you Kleenex when in reality, you couldn't care less what brand of tissue is in the box.

Now if you're not open to any kind of long term committed relationship with anyone and you know it, then that makes it easy, the two of you are not a match. OTOH if you're completely against marriage but otherwise open to any other kind of committed relationship, then an open honest conversation is probably in order. Assuming of course you'd be otherwise interested in seeing this person again.

[Moralnihilist]

At my age, I'm starting to go on carbon dating sites... :D

That shits fucking funny.