Attacked by a Griz? Just shove your arm down its throat.

[SGOS]

http://www.businessinsider.com/ap-hunter-escapes-attack-by-shoving-arm-down-bears-throat-2015-10

Dellwo said he only had time to take a few steps back before the bear knocked him off his feet and bit his head.  "He let go, but he was still on top of me roaring the loudest roar I have ever heard," Dellwo said.  The bear then bit Dellwo's leg and shook him, tossing him in the air. As the bear came at the man again, Dellwo recalled a story he read in a magazine.  "I remembered an article that my grandmother gave me a long time ago that said large animals have bad gag reflexes," he said. "So I shoved my right arm down his throat."

When you are at a loss for ideas, don't automatically exclude ideas because they are strange or counter intuitive.  Anyway, it's a happy ending.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

A friend asked me if I'd like to go for a nature walk in griz country. I said sure, but I had to take my .22 pistol.

"That's not going to stop a griz!"

"Not what I intend. If a bear charges us I'm going to shoot you in the knee cap."

Nature walk was canceled and we went for some beers.

[SGOS]

A friend asked me if I'd like to go for a nature walk in griz country. I said sure, but I had to take my .22 pistol.

"That's not going to stop a griz!"

"Not what I intend. If a bear charges us I'm going to shoot you in the knee cap."

Nature walk was canceled and we went for some beers.

My friend and I went on a hike in a Montana Wilderness area.  When we got to the more remote part he stopped and took a pair of running shoes out of his back pack.  The trail was getting steeper and rockier and I asked him what he was doing.  He said that we were getting into bear country and he wanted to be able to run fast if we encountered a grizzly.  I told him to forget it, because there was no way you could outrun a grizzly.  He replied, "Oh, I don't care about the bear.  I just want to run faster than you."

[stromboli]

You can outrun a grizzly. You just need to be Usain Bolt and have a quarter mile head start. 

I camp in bear country at least once a summer, so I'm knowledgeable about them. The best trick I know is when hiking in bear country to occasionally take a heavy stick and beat it on the side of a tree, making as much noise as possible. The sound is never heard in nature because it is human created, and startle animals that will run away. Bears will avoid trouble rather than seek it. an attacking bear either smells something it wants- don't carry bacon while hiking- or is startled.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Also try to not shit your pants if attacked. It's tough enough to not shit your pants if you just think you're going to be attacked. Impending doom has a way of loosening up even the tightest of bowels.

[SGOS]

You can outrun a grizzly. You just need to be Usain Bolt and have a quarter mile head start. 

I camp in bear country at least once a summer, so I'm knowledgeable about them. The best trick I know is when hiking in bear country to occasionally take a heavy stick and beat it on the side of a tree, making as much noise as possible. The sound is never heard in nature because it is human created, and startle animals that will run away. Bears will avoid trouble rather than seek it. an attacking bear either smells something it wants- don't carry bacon while hiking- or is startled.

I like the stick idea rather than blowing a referee's whistle that I've heard recommended a number of times.  Blowing a whistle is just a little too weird looking.  I don't usually do anything, but I've encountered way more bears than I can count, some stunningly close, as in face to face a couple of times.  They all ran away.  The face to face encounters turned tail and were gone in a second.  Bears really do want to avoid human contact, more so than deer from what I can tell.  I used to carry a 44 magnum pistol, but that was heavy and annoyed me, and I was always afraid of wounding a bear and really pissing him off.  I eventually turned to bear spray, which is much lighter than a pistol, and highly effective from the small number of accounts I've read.  I accidently got a small whiff of the stuff myself.  Sheesh!  It was a horrible experience.  I thought it would be an uncomfortable pepper in my lungs experience, but think "not being able to breath," would be a better way to describe it.  It was frightening.  I cannot imagine a bear not bolting for safety after a snoot full of that stuff.

[SGOS]

Also try to not shit your pants if attacked. It's tough enough to not shit your pants if you just think you're going to be attacked. Impending doom has a way of loosening up even the tightest of bowels.

I'm proud to announce that I've show remarkably good bowel control in near death experiences.  It would be humiliating to die with pants full of shit.  They would put it on your tombstone and strangers would read it for hundreds of years.  Your grave stone might even become a tourist attraction, and people would take photographs of their wife and kids standing next to it.  The cemetery would have to put up signs with arrows pointing the way.

[surreptitious57]

You can not experience humiliation if you are dead and if you did die with
your pants full of shit it would not matter but it would how ever be rather
humiliating for your family. However people die having excreted all types
of bodily fluids so it is no big deal : vomit and semen and  blood and piss


   

[AllPurposeAtheist]

If you're getting eaten by a bear the least of your problems is what will be on your tombstone. It's best to ask the bear for a potty break first ..
Seriously though ..back around 1977 or so I found myself walking along at night on Rt 93 in southern Ravalli county with the sound of bears echoing off the mountains. Being just 17 at the time and no experience at getting eaten by a bear it scared me, but I did manage to hang on till the sheriff came by and picked me up for being a runaway thus saving me from the cow that I thought was a bear.
What can I say!  It was dark, I was alone, I could hear the bears in the distance and just off the road in a clump of trees was a cow stomping around scaring the bejebus out of me.