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So, my daughter's gay.

Started by GalacticBusDriver, March 16, 2013, 11:15:18 PM

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Wheatthins

Playing the Devil's advocate here, I'm gonna guess that maybe that your daughters coming out took your wife by surprise.  Speaking from my own experience, parents usually have some ideal future planned out for their kids and when reality starts to deviate from that, it can be more than a bit upsetting.  Give the wifey a bit of time to let it sink in, then she will hopefully realize that nothing about your daughters future has changed.
I don\'t see alot of good or evil in the world, mostly just confused people.

Jmpty

I can only imagine what my wife would do if one of my kids turned out to be gay. She was freaked out that my oldest daughter is left handed. If you know Chinese culture, you will understand why. I finally had to put my foot down, and just say "stop! you will not try to get her to write with her right hand. End of discussion." She eventually came to accept it, as I'm sure your wife will.
???  ??

Nonsensei

Maybe your wife really wanted grandkids and now she thinks that she wont get them.
And on the wings of a dream so far beyond reality
All alone in desperation now the time has come
Lost inside you\'ll never find, lost within my own mind
Day after day this misery must go on

GalacticBusDriver

Quote from: "AxisMundi"Not to be insulting, but does your wife have some identity issues of her own, perhaps?
I've actually been wondering about that.

Quote from: "SvZurich"*hugs*  Continue being there for your baby.  

If your wife really can't get over it, threaten her with the idea of me dating your daughter.  I won't, she's far too young, but damn it is one hell of a nice threat.  ;)  Gun owning carnivore lesbian on the prowl.  :lol:
I'll keep it in mind. :twisted:

Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"Best wishes on your successful navigation of the issue, Dad.  I can't pretend to understand what it might feel like to be torn between my child and his mother, but it can't be enjoyable.

Take pride in knowing that your daughter has the strength of character to be open and honest about her orientation with you guys.  You're obviously doing something right if your communication allows for that.  I hope for y'all's sake that your wife's attitude doesn't poison that atmosphere.
I do! I was so proud of her last night. She handled her mom's freak out far better than I could have hoped she would.

Quote from: "Nonsensei"Maybe your wife really wanted grandkids and now she thinks that she wont get them.
We've got two daughters and the younger (13) is completely boy crazy.

Quote from: "PopeyesPappy"That's a shame the wife is taking it so badly. Perhaps some counseling would help her get over her issues?
I think it was the shock more than anything. Though why she's surprised is beyond me.


Thanks everyone. We had a bit of a blow-up last night. The cool, even-hand lost his cool when his wife started going on about being a failure as a parent. After the blow-up, they started talking, and more important, listening. I can't even understand why my wife was so shocked. We've discussed the possibility before because she's given us plenty of clues that she might not be straight. Everything seems to be ok so far today, so I'll just play it be ear and see how it goes. We need a "walking on eggshells" smiley. :-D
"We should admire Prometheus, not Zues...Job, not Jehovah. Becoming a god, or godlike being, is selling out to the enemy. From the Greeks to the Norse to the Garden of Eden, gods are capricious assholes with impulse control problems. Joining their ranks would be a step down."

From "Radiant" by James Alan Gardner

SvZurich

GBD, I have picked out a few flannel shirts I could wear if you need pics to frighten your wife to her senses.  ;)  Could easily do a pose in one with my shotgun...   :twisted:
Kimberly (HSBUH) aka Baroness Sylvia endorses the Meadow Party's Bill N' Opus for the 2024 Presidential election! Or a Sanders/Warren ticket.

Colanth

I think your wife will finally calm down.  I have a daughter and can't imagine responding to her coming out in any way differently than you did.  She's my daughter.  I love her.  Period.  How can there be anything more to say?
Afflicting the comfortable for 70 years.
Science builds skyscrapers, faith flies planes into them.

bennyboy

Quote from: "Johan"
Quote from: "stromboli"Explain to your wife that she now has the inside track on fashion tips and home decor.
I thought that was only the gay men.
Yes.  Gay women are more likely to help you pick out the best shade of plaid. :)

Is the wife upset by the way because your daughter is gay, or because she realizes she's been "out of the loop"?
Insanity is the only sensible response to the universe.  The sane are just making stuff up.

NeoLogic26

Quote from: "GalacticBusDriver"
Quote from: "stromboli"Explain to your wife that she now has the inside track on fashion tips and home decor.
Eh, not so much. My daughter doesn't have much better/worse fashion sense than any other 16-year-old. :lol:
Not to mention that it's generally gay men who have the more developed aesthetic tendencies. ;)

But in all seriousness, it's nice that your daughter has an ally in her house that can go to bat for her when needed. My brother came out last year and my parents reacted just as you did which, despite some of their more conservative leanings, didn't really surprise me. As they say, "love conquers all", and for most parents this is all they need to come to terms with a revelation like that.
"For me, I am driven by two main philosophies: know more today about the world than I knew yesterday and lessen the suffering of others. You'd be surprised how far that gets you." - Neil deGrasse Tyson

AllPurposeAtheist

Darn..to bad your daughter is only 16 because I had my 'pics or it didn't happen' routine all warmed up and ready. You're aware this is all your fault for not having gotten your wife pregnant a few years sooner, but that's water over the dam.now.
Meanwhile..back in reality world..
I can only imagine me being you arguing with my ex...
"This is who she is and that's that. You'll love her unconditionally and support her because the alternative is a daughter who may end up resenting you because of your own nonsense."
No matter how hard we might try our kids are NOT little moldable, shapeable little clones of us. They have unique thoughts and feelings and nothing they do should be sufficient to break our bonds..
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Davka

Make your wife watch this:

[youtube:2k0hoo1x]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdqdIvgCKzA[/youtube:2k0hoo1x]

I'm certain this will fix everything.

mnmelt

Quote from: "Wheatthins"Playing the Devil's advocate here, I'm gonna guess that maybe that your daughters coming out took your wife by surprise.  Speaking from my own experience, parents usually have some ideal future planned out for their kids and when reality starts to deviate from that, it can be more than a bit upsetting.  Give the wifey a bit of time to let it sink in, then she will hopefully realize that nothing about your daughters future has changed.

I agree that this may be the case as well.. I've found that the same sex parent takes the news hardest.. Something about that child being a projection of themselves etc.. She may even go through a "mourning" phase.. Mourning what she had hoped her daughter would be like as an adult. And then acceptance that she is still her daughter, Just not going to live the life she had Planned in her head for her.
Jesus loves me but I still make him wear a condom

Mermaid

I'm sorry your wife is not taking it well. That makes me very sad and also very happy that your daughter has you to back her up.
A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticise work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities â€" all these are marks, not as the possessor would fain to think, of superiority but of weakness. -TR

stromboli

I'm sure your wife had expectations about your daughter, including marriage and grand kids. It'll take some adjusting, but she will accept it because it is the reality now.

AllPurposeAtheist

"Mom, no! I don't want to watch the Chipendale guys...M....MOM! Stop it! No mom! What will dad think? Get that G-string out of your teeth! That's it.. I'm calling dad to come get you..." :shock:
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

SvZurich

Plus thanks to science, she can still have children and thanks to social change, marriage!  :D  You lose nothing other than having a son-in-law who tried to compete with you on facial hair growth.  :D  Win-Win!
Kimberly (HSBUH) aka Baroness Sylvia endorses the Meadow Party's Bill N' Opus for the 2024 Presidential election! Or a Sanders/Warren ticket.