Author Topic: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.  (Read 11247 times)

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #30 on: June 12, 2015, 10:49:24 AM »
Most men in the US only see naked women when they're getting ready for sex. Until we separate nudity from "foreplay" we'll continue to have problems. I blame Victoria.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #31 on: June 12, 2015, 10:53:17 AM »
I have never personally been in a situation where I was naked in bed with a woman and there was a cessation of activity. If it got that far, the intent and outcome were already understood. I've met women that were so-called "cock teases" but I was smart enough to figure that out before it got that far. But that was only in clubs in the Navy and after, and those were women who were too weird for my taste. Never been into anything kinky or weird.

I suppose there are women who will get to a certain point of leading men on and then screaming rape, but I've never met one or never put myself in that situation. Common sense and self protection was never overruled by lust. And likewise I've heard my share of stories from guys- I've been in plenty of  "guy fraternities" like the crew of a ship or jobs I had that were in singularly male groups. But more often than not I think any issues that came up were guys thinking with their dicks and not their brains, fortunately a problem I've never had.


Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #32 on: June 12, 2015, 10:55:11 AM »
Most men in the US only see naked women when they're getting ready for sex. Until we separate nudity from "foreplay" we'll continue to have problems. I blame Victoria.

I agree.

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #33 on: June 12, 2015, 01:21:03 PM »
There could be many reasons for anyone to stop when just about to have sex or during it. For example, for some people the shape, texture of the genitals are very important and very strongly influences what they feel at that moment. Some people do not even think to kiss or suck (just simple sucking, not giving head) their partner's vagina/penis, while some cannot imagine a penis getting into them if they do not feel the desire to put it in their mouth when they see it. I am somewhat in the second group. I need to love a man's every inch. Esp. his penis in a 'seperate' way from his body. I need to warm up to it. If I don't want to kiss, lick suck..etc that man's every inch, I don't want him in me. And most of the time you get that when naked. Sure, this is not absloute. Sometimes you like somebody as a person in time, they grow on you and so how you see their physical appearance changes. But some times it goes the other way. You find someone attractive all along, but that disappears when they get naked. Sometimes, you feel horny and answer someone's advances, someone you know that is wrong and after getting into it, you come to your senses. Sometimes, someone you never guess, can speak to your skin...etc. We could work countless scenarios here.

People can call stop and get out of it any time. Consent is not just given once and done. It can be taken at any second. This is as simple as this.

Sex is awkward, messy, embarrassing at times. It's not something that is done to be perfect, aesthetic or watched from outside. Sure, we love to wach people having sex. But that's scripted. It's an act done by professionals. Real sex is never like that as we all know. It's between the people doing it. Anything can turn somebody off in any second or rise their apetite. You can accidentally fart, get a cramp, hit each other somewhere wrong while jumping on each other, have another accident...etc.

Apart from a few women who enjoys playing their seuxal power over men, this 'leading men on' thing mostly comes from the old patriarchal oppressive conditioning. The bullshit that men desire sex more than women and that they need it more than women and that they are mindless puppets once you turn them on, that you can make them jump hoops by showing a nipple, once blood walks into their penises so they should be emptied before they get functional. It has been used for control,to excuse rape, to subjugate female sexuality. Humans have impulse control.

What's the merit of 'leading on'? I've known a lot of men, western or eastern, even online, who thought looking into their eyes, smiling and laughing at their jokes while talking excitedly, paying good attention to them in a heated conversation, discussion meant for them that I was interested in and touching their shoulder, arms, face for example was a sign of 'leading on'. It's bullshit.

Especially, personally that's my experience with western men, because they come from less sexually oppressed culture, they are more likely to openly take anything as a sexual hint. The culture I live in, as it's a greater taboo, mostly people don't dare to show it that much.

Sure, may be for some people those things are not leading on, but what is what to whom? Because if you are naked with someone when they didn't want to go further, they simply stopped desiring you, because something happened and this could happen to anyone. Men are not entitled to get their way, because of the mechanics of their genitals.

Men need to get out of the frame that men are mindless pussy idiots. Because not just some women, but mostly men treat men and themselves this way. And also the bullshit that being rejected by a woman means something is wrong with their manhood. The collective idea -hopefully changing with the young generations- that they are ready -should be ready- to jump on very  pussy available around is a very stupid base for social norms. I don't find one man attractive, however others do. Same goes for me. A man can find me attractive while others don't feel anything- may be even turned off by me...etc.

Most men have a way of making this a goading issue, a competition, a score among themselves and so it gets blown of out of proportion. (Like the penis size issue. Men are more interested in penis size than any woman.) You can watch some men who never had an experience on this 'cock teasing', speaking about 'cock teasers' as a rule. 

Your penis is not something women should obey when erected that has to go to the finish. Exactly like the way a woman doesn't have a right to expect the perfect erection from you the moment she takes her clothes off. You can lose erection when a woman gets naked too.

Does anyone blame men for leading the woman on in that case, when they do not get an erection? No. Have you ever heard somethin called 'pussy teaser'?

However, with most men, being rejected while they are about to have sex is something about their manhood and male ego in general, more than facing a simple rejection by someone. It's just that, rejection. She is not turned on by you. Another one will be.
« Last Edit: June 12, 2015, 01:31:43 PM by drunkenshoe »

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #34 on: June 12, 2015, 03:02:02 PM »
Are you done having a hissy fit now?  I'm a sexist because I think a few woman hate men. Or is it because I think women are sex objects? You are whether you like it or not princess. I have always loved women, and still do, as I have posted here many times. You know, you remind me of a lesbian bar tender who berated me for asking for a Cuba Libra instead of a rum and coke when she was not aware they are the same thing, and then when she said they never had any Bacardi, I told her to give a rum and coke with what ever they wanted. She said if I wanted a Bacardi why didn't I ask for one. By the way, I was there with my bisexual girl friend at the time. Even she didn't understand the feminist rage at me. Is that it, you are a feminist that hates men? Are you a castrator like the bar girl was? If yes, you have bigger problems than me.
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Offline Mermaid

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #35 on: June 12, 2015, 05:46:32 PM »
I think the term "cock tease" really, really sucks. It implies a sort of entitlement to a woman's body, for one thing. I had that term used on me when I was young and not ready to have sex. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me.

So I was bad if I was a cock tease. I was a slut if I had sex, too, though. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

We are one fucked up culture.

That being said, I have been in that situation where I was naked in bed with someone and I said no to sex. It was a long time ago so I do not remember all the fine details, but I am guessing the reason I said no is as such: I wanted to have sex with him, but I didn't want to be a slut.

It is NEVER OKAY to assume you can go there without consent.
We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch - we are going back from whence we came.

John F. Kennedy

Offline aitm

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #36 on: June 12, 2015, 06:48:06 PM »
I think the simple point here is that the old dr, whom by the way I admire, said some pretty straightforward advice that follows her experience. If you get in bed with a naked man and begin to fuck, don't be surprised if he does not stop when you ask him to. This is not a difficult thing to understand and despite the 20 or 30 or 50 year age gap the advice is sound. Once you're fucking, getting the male to stop is a lot harder than simply not starting. Really some of you are taking this into the area that "well, mankind has advanced…yada fucking yada"… you cannot assume someone else is going to look out for your best interests.

Yeah, sorry, I am one of those guys that if you say you got raped and you were naked in a bed shoving some guys dick into your snatch, I have a hard time standing on your side of the table.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #37 on: June 12, 2015, 08:02:22 PM »
Humans have impulse control. When a man "goes on" without consent in bed, he is doing that because HE FEELS ENTITLED TO DO IT. Not because he can't stop  and go away, but because he chooses to. There is nothing else behind it, but people like you who think this is normal.

You are basically saying that rape is OK under some circumstances, and you will support the rapist. This is what is called rape culture. And also why it is defined by male  culture.

Oh and it has nothing to do with "mankind being advanced yada yada". You simply think it is OK for a man to rape a woman in some position because you don't think that's rape. And that's what most rapists feel. They don't think what They do is rape either.

There is really nothing much to say or discuss with your post.You support rape culture and think men have a right to rape women under some  circumstances and you think it is some New Age shit to call it as what it is. It is called Rape. Simple as this. Doesn't matter how you try to sell it.





 















Offline Hijiri Byakuren

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Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #38 on: June 12, 2015, 08:05:59 PM »
The issue of consent in the process of intercourse is a whole different beast from consent before intercourse, because now you've got instinct getting in the way of that all-important prefrontal cortex's ability to do higher reasoning. I can't speak to the female side of the equation, but if a man is in the throes, you can't get him to stop masturbating unless you do something to scare the living daylights out of him, much less actual intercourse. It's not a fully voluntary action at that point.

That said, being a few thrusts into it hardly qualifies as an excuse, much less simply being naked around your partner. If being naked were all it took, I'd have been in a lot of gangbang orgies any time gym class ended.


EDIT: Upon reflection, this is among the dumbest things I've ever written.
« Last Edit: June 16, 2015, 06:01:01 PM by Hijiri Byakuren »

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #39 on: June 12, 2015, 09:30:24 PM »
Has anyone here even suggested that it was OK to screw a girl or woman if she says no? The problem is why a girl or woman thinks it is a good idea to let it go to the point of being nude with a man "acting" like you want sex and say no for whatever reason, and the fact that society thinks a woman should be called derogatory names if she does like to have sex. How many woman use sex as a way to have control over a man, or are afraid to have sex because it makes them feel dirty unless it is only to have children. Sex is a violent act even when it just involves intercourse that violates a woman's body even if she wants to.

I can understand why woman don't like to be violated, but why would a woman give every signal she wants to have sex and then expect a man to know she doesn't when after the ball is rolling and she says no while laying down naked with him? This is beyond being really a dumb thing to do, because it does make a woman look like a prick tease even if she isn't. There's more going on than just a man wanting sex and a woman doesn't. Why do women look down at themselves if they want sex, and really think they are whores if they do? It's the same old Puritan ethic and men thinking it is a man's world and they own a woman's sexuality.

Don't take this as talking about all women or girls that are like this, I've been around a lot and long to know it isn't true, and even those that do still look down at themselves because society does, not because I do. I don't even look down at prostitutes, even though I think it is disgusting, that men, or women, would pay for sex. When a person is desperate they can almost do anything to survive, I realize this, but do other people. It seems that it is OK for a man to seek different sex partners and not for a women, something that gays and bisexuals know only too well.  We are all sex objects, and that is just the way it is, whether society agrees or not. And why is this considered wrong---the Puritan ethic based on religious dogma---resulting in pedophilia and other sexual perversions like, S&M, rape, and even ones that aren't, like lesbianism, and homosexuality, or even masturbation. Keep the cards and letters coming, even if this is just an opinion piece.
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #40 on: June 12, 2015, 09:37:57 PM »
she made her point quite well, men don't often think with the big head when the little one is stiff and ready. If you don't want to have sex, maybe you should not get naked and crawl in bed and start rubbing against the guy..you know?  I mean really…I can tell you I have no fucking intention of getting naked and getting into bed with a gal I don't want to have sex with…why is this so hard with women? It has been proven pretty well by now that this is not a great situation to put yourself into.
Holy $h!t! Is this person serious or is this the village troll...

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #41 on: June 12, 2015, 09:49:54 PM »
This is some really misogynistic shit. Weak minded, weak willed, ego sensitive men are the ones who take this stance. "How dare she call it quits after we are naked and besides once it's out I can't control myself" stfu! Maybe she figured out you needed a bath... I've figured out a chic needed a bath at least once after we were naked and called it quits. If you can't say no or accept no then your a victim and a slave to your own emotions and desires. If you're one if these maybe you need god in your life after all

Offline aitm

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #42 on: June 12, 2015, 10:03:50 PM »
Humans have impulse control. When a man "goes on" without consent in bed, he is doing that because HE FEELS ENTITLED TO DO IT. Not because he can't stop  and go away, but because he chooses to. There is nothing else behind it, but people like you who think this is normal.

You are basically saying that rape is OK under some circumstances, and you will support the rapist. This is what is called rape culture. And also why it is defined by male  culture.

Oh and it has nothing to do with "mankind being advanced yada yada". You simply think it is OK for a man to rape a woman in some position because you don't think that's rape. And that's what most rapists feel. They don't think what They do is rape either.

There is really nothing much to say or discuss with your post.You support rape culture and think men have a right to rape women under some  circumstances and you think it is some New Age shit to call it as what it is. It is called Rape. Simple as this. Doesn't matter how you try to sell it.

You are suggesting that the idea that someone should be cautious about their sexual adventures is an excuse for rape, I have not suggested that. I have at all times agreed that the good lady is mostly correct in her suggestions that people should not crawl into bed and invite sex and then demand it stop at anytime of her or his desire and expect positive outcomes. Her assertions are correct about human behaviors, our demands that we "should not" do that is irrelevant to the common behavior.

You are welcome to dance around shout all you want about what we should and could do, but that is completely irrelevant to what human behavior seems to show us and despite all our grandstanding it appears….by the court cases that our assertions that we are better than that, may not indeed be true.




 















A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #43 on: June 12, 2015, 10:04:52 PM »
A chick? Really? Just because a person agrees with Dr. Ruth doesn't mean they think it is OK to rape a woman that says no, only that a lot of men do just that, and it is a bad practice for a women enticing a man to the point of nudity and putting themselves in that position. I don't think anyone here thinks it is OK to rape a woman who says no. I sure hope not.
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Online Shiranu

Re: Dr. Ruth: being naked with a man is like playing in traffic.
« Reply #44 on: June 12, 2015, 10:08:05 PM »
Quote
Has anyone here even suggested that it was OK to screw a girl or woman if she says no?

Yes, several times, when people said that a woman who says no or stop is a cock tease, terrible human being who kinda has it coming (ie deserves) the consequences ( unwanted sex).

That's about as blatant defense of rape as you can get, and several people have said those things already in this thread, which is quite disturbing. The only excuse is that it is culturally acceptable for us to think that rape is ever the victims fault, and it is painfully common mindset in our culture...
"Too curious flower, watching us pass, met death; Our hungry donkey." - Basho

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty." - Mahatma Gandhi