Familiarity..breeds contempt or apathy?

[aitm]

The young man down the street is now 25. He was 15 when we moved in this house. He and his three brothers often came over and swam in the pool, partially for the pool and no doubt partially to see a well endowed 15 year old girl in a bikini. Over the years I have come to know him and like him, but not any more or less than anyone else. He made no attempt, nor should he, to become a friendly neighbor kid and I really didn't give a rats patootie about a hormonal kids hanging around the daughter.

He was short, but he was hispanic and that kind of comes with the gene for most, and skinny. He is now 5'7 perhaps and muscular, he joined the Army became a medic and eventually went to Afghanistan. Came back and said he suffers from PTSD, due to one really bad experience. I have never asked him about it and he has never volunteered.

Here is the problem.

I don't believe him. I am unable to accept that he actually did anything at all. I have never seen an ounce of courage in the kid and even though I am sure he, like millions before him have exceeded their expectations in such a situation, find myself unable to accept that he is anything more than the skinny kid down the street trying to sneak into the pool.

I feel bad about that, but I am a skeptic some times despite being a optimist all of the time. I just don't get that feeling that the kid even went over there and I know he did, so that is unfair of me, but for the life of me I cannot hail him as a "hero" due to my familiarity. I wonder if this is more prominent than I think or if this is actually the rule. What's your thoughts?

[TomFoolery]

I don't believe him. I am unable to accept that he actually did anything at all. I have never seen an ounce of courage in the kid and even though I am sure he, like millions before him have exceeded their expectations in such a situation, find myself unable to accept that he is anything more than the skinny kid down the street trying to sneak into the pool.

I feel bad about that, but I am a skeptic some times despite being a optimist all of the time. I just don't get that feeling that the kid even went over there and I know he did, so that is unfair of me, but for the life of me I cannot hail him as a "hero" due to my familiarity. I wonder if this is more prominent than I think or if this is actually the rule. What's your thoughts?

As a veteran of Afghanistan myself, I can tell you that every person experiences war differently. I'll be the first to say that the "hero" label shouldn't be slapped on people at the recruiting station just for joining the military. I served with plenty of terds. But why is it for you to determine whether his experience should count for something?

No one thought I would hack it in the military. I was a girly girl. They thought I'd go to basic and come home a few weeks later crying. After five years, four promotions, and 12 months in a war zone, I proved them wrong. I was no Audie Murphy. I went on some patrols and convoys, but I wasn't shot at daily. As a journalist, I photographed many memorial ceremonies, Purple Heart presentations and ramp ceremonies, and I would be lying if I said those things don't weigh on me from time to time. I don't consider myself a hero, but I've never asked anyone else to consider me one either. Most people are surprised if they find out I served in the Army. I don't go around telling everyone about it, but it does come up, and people usually don't believe it. It may be because I'm a woman, and so much of America still thinks of veterans as little old men in garrison caps on parade floats. I can tell you that I served with quite a few people who didn't fit the classic mold of service member, from a 47 year old Russian immigrant to a 4'10" 17 year old pixie of a girl who's rifle barrel scraped the ground when she slung it across her body.

Is he asking for some kind of acknowledgment from you? If not, just let him be.

[stromboli]

My son did route clearance in first a Cougar and then a Buffalo MRAP. Route clearance is one of the most stressful and fraught with danger jobs because if you miss an IED it can kill you or someone else. His last tour in Afghanistan his vehicle got flipped by a massive IED and he sustained significant back injuries, needing surgery. His second tour as a Staff Sergeant in a Cougar he lost one of his squad to an IED. He came home with PTSD. I know he still suffers from it, but he is a manly guy who doesn't show emotions.

I knew a few Vietnam vets over the years as well, and the ones that were friends admitted to PTSD. Not showing outright symptoms doesn't mean they haven't dealt with it. Personally I'd be inclined not to judge without knowing all the facts.

[kilodelta]

But why is it for you to determine whether his experience should count for something?

I agree. Just treat him based on your own experiences with him. I work with a guy everyone hates and they groan whenever his name is brought up. However, my experiences with him has been nothing but positive. I don't discount their stories, however, I give them less weight compared to how I have interacted with him.

[Solitary]

Not everyone that is in combat have the same experiences, and all it takes is one really traumatic event to give you PTSD. It true that everyone in combat is in stress or distress, but it is not the same as an event that completely overwhelms your survival instincts and guilt for what you did by accident. Also, having this happen multiple times makes actual physical changes in your brain that show up on a MRI that can't be changed. If it is mild and just the chemical makeup of your brain is wacked out of balance it can be effectively treated, but one is never really the same again.

PTSD can be caused by repeatedly repressing strong emotions in order to survive in lethal combat, or horrific events seen happening to others, especially friends or other combatants, even the enemy, but the worst is accidently killing a little child. This idea that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger is utter bull shit. Another thing, one does not have to be in combat to have PTSD, just any overwhelming even that make you repress your feelings can do it, especially real young children, by telling them not to cry after loosing something precious to them.  I have PTSD that treatment, after many tries, with different drugs have prevented free floating anxiety and panic attacks, but I still have my legs shake or bonce around when stressed, and I have a tremor in my hands, and very bad dreams, not really nightmares like I used to have.

Most people that have been in combat will not talk about it  because it brings back bad memories even if they don't have PTSD. When I hear someone say that people that have PTSD are cowards like a lot of officers do, I want to take a 45 and put it in their mouth like I did back in 62 and watch them shit their pants. I spent a lot of time after that under a spot light explaining why it happened to shrinks who don't know jack shit about what they are talking about by studying books by other that don't know either. Everyone under the right conditions can have so-called temporary insanity when pushed too far, and people with PTSD can go over the edge very quickly.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Most people of a certain age who didn't sit around sucking on mommys tit till they were 30 have been through some real shit in their lives.  People know that I used to hitchhike cross country alot and shot heroin and like to romantisize it as if it's some big deal,  but the truth is a lot different than their imaginations. Nothing fun about getting shot at for merely standing on the side of the road or nearly freezing to death out on open highways or being chased down by packs of wild dogs or laying up in a jail cell shitting the bed because of withdrawal or a million other things that could kill you. . Most people live in quiet neighborhoods on streets where the worst thing that ever happens is a flat tire in the rain and their favorite TV show gets cancelled. . I'm often surprised just how utterly fucking boring people's lives are day in and day out so they have to romantisize shit from war to cops to hitchhikers to junkies and at the very same time look down their noses at the very people they build up just because they never had the balls to so much as take a chance at failing.

[SGOS]

I feel bad about that, but I am a skeptic some times despite being a optimist all of the time. I just don't get that feeling that the kid even went over there and I know he did, so that is unfair of me, but for the life of me I cannot hail him as a "hero" due to my familiarity. I wonder if this is more prominent than I think or if this is actually the rule. What's your thoughts?

Skepticism is never ever a bad thing.  If you are knowingly negating something that you know to be true, that's not skepticism.  But then how do you know he was in the military?  And if you actually know this, why negate it?

Whether or not he is a hero or actually has PTSD, are grounds for skepticism.  These things are things you can't honestly know.  Treating the unknowables with skepticism isn't something a skeptic needs to worry about, I don't think. 

[SGOS]

Also, familiarity breeds contempt or apathy, and sometimes, but not always, for good reason.

[Solitary]

All the real hero's are dead, the rest are really lucky, or maimed. For me familiarity has bread contempt, after awhile most of the time, and made me a misanthrope that likes animals more than most people. Animals are pure and not phony.