Author Topic: The Joke Thread!  (Read 1798 times)

The Joke Thread!
« on: March 05, 2013, 10:10:31 PM »
"The idea of getting a, y\'know, syringe full of heroin and shooting it in the vein under my cock right now seems like almost a productive act." -Bill Hicks

Offline Thumpalumpacus

(No subject)
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2013, 01:37:38 AM »
The local convent was organizing a charity bakesale with a nearby monastery, but with some last-minute difficulties, Brother Gregory had to walk over to the convent so that he and the Mother Superior could iron out the problems.

Now, the convent was in a pretty rough part of town, and Brother Gregory had to make his way past whores plying their trade. Finally, though, he got to the convent, where he and the Mother Superior got down to business. After making all the arrangements, the nun asked the monk if he had any more questions.

"Why, yes, Mother Superior," he said, and explained how he had walked over to the convent. "Now, I know what a 'good time' is, Mary Agnes," he finished up, "But what, pray tell, is a 'blow job'?"

"Oh," she replied, "Ten bucks, same as downtown."
<insert witty aphorism here>

Offline Thumpalumpacus

(No subject)
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2013, 01:38:44 AM »
Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses. He wasn't breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly, the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls for help. He shouts at the emergency operator, "I think my friend is dead! What do I do!?"

"Calm down", the operator says. "I can help you. But first, we need to make sure he's dead."

The phone goes silent for a second, then the operator hears a gunshot.

"Ok", says the hunter, "now what?"
<insert witty aphorism here>

Offline Thumpalumpacus

(No subject)
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2013, 01:40:11 AM »
A man boards an airplane, and who's in the seat next to him - the pope! The man is nervous, excited, and trying to think of something to say.

The pope is doing a crossword puzzle, and the man says "So, your Holiness, do you enjoy crossword puzzles, too?"

The pope responds "Yes, my son."

The man thinks to himself, wow that was a dumb question - I blew it.

Just then, the pope leans over and asks "What's a four letter word for 'woman' that ends in U-N-T?"

The man, terrified, thinks: oh, dear. I know the answer, but it's such a terribly vulgar word, I can't... oh wait! He blurts out "Yes, your eminence! The word is "AUNT."

The pope says "Ah, yes, of course. Do you have an eraser?"
<insert witty aphorism here>

Offline Thumpalumpacus

(No subject)
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2013, 01:44:08 AM »
Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle."

"What," the other asks, "green?".

"No," says the first, " a bit sour."
<insert witty aphorism here>