Who are the biggest idiots in the Bible?

[Valigarmander]

Some of the characters in the Bible make Sarah Palin look like she has everything together. The scary part is, most of them are supposed to be the protagonists.

Take Samson, for example, who for some reason didn't ditch Delilah the first three times she betrayed him, and then tells her the real source of his power after all that. Or the Israelites collectively, who, after having been delivered from bondage in Egypt by Moses and having seen at least eleven miracles occur right before their very eyes (including God speaking to them in person), suddenly devolve into statue-worshipping heathens while Moses is up on Mt. Sinai (which pissed God off so much, of course, that he has a bunch of them killed).

What are some other examples of Biblical idiocy?

[ratzu]

I think god himself may be the most backwards thinking character ever conceived. He's supposed to have all the power in the universe and he thinks the most reliable means to deal with situations is either kill people or make them suffer. Realy? The "all knowing" being can't think of a way to better handle things?  :roll:

[Hydra009]

Joseph.  Hands down.

"Honey, I'm preggers!"
"But we haven't..."
"God did it!"
"What a relief!  I thought for a second that you might be cheating on me."

 #-o

[GurrenLagann]

Why Yahweh of course! Even he can't keep track of the attributes his followers give to him. He apparently forgot his omnipotence, because an enemy of his chosen tribe having Iron chariots made "him" shit bricks.

But oh no, the worst took place near the beginning:

-Creates universe and life on Earth (in the incorrect order, and then later detailed in a different order....).

-Creates humans without undestanding of good and evil in Eden

-Creates a tree with fruit bestowing knowledge of good and evil, places it in Eden, but tells innocent humans NOT to eat the fruit

-Creates talking snake (lol, and the snake is never said to be the fallen angel, Satan)

-Talking snake (lulz) tricks ignorant humans into eating fruit

-God shits bricks about rebellious humans who HE created stupidly ignorant and wonders how they didn't live up to expectations in his perfectly designed experiment...

[Jason78]

I can't remember which bit it is (I'll look it up chapter and verse later):

Apparently there was this whole city besieged by the israelites and the israelites said to them, "either jew up and get circumcised, or we're going to kill you and take all your shit."  (I'm paraphrasing here)

So anyway, all the men of this city slice off their foreskin.  And over the next few days while the men of the city are rolling around in pain and agony, the israelites proceed to slaughter their way through the city and nick all their stuff.


I think there's an important lesson in that story for us all.

Edit: Here we go: The story of Dinah

[Thought2Much]

I'll also have to go with God himself. For being all-powerful, the guy is a complete fucking moron. After the whole stupidity of the Garden of Eden, the dumbass later decides that he won't just wipe out the people that are causing the problems in the world, but that he has to kill all of the humans, all of the animals, and (presumably, since they would be submerged as well) all of the plants on earth in a giant flood. Oh, but then he also has to hide any and all evidence that such a miraculous, supernatural thing happened, because evidence of his actual existence would violate the requirement to believe by faith and freewill for the Christians that will arrive thousands of years later.

How the hell did I ever believe any of this shit, anyway?

[Bibliofagus]

The people who fucking wrote it.

[Youssuf Ramadan]

(Saul) Paul should get an honourable mention purely for mistaking a possible bout of temporal lobe epilepsy for an incidence of face-time with a cosmic superwizard.

[Navynukeman]

King David is an idiot

See's a cute girl, has sex with her, kills her husband, then marries her... what a prick

And then he just says sorry to god and he is forgiven.. sucks for Uriah... but oh praise gawd!

[Alaric I]

Abram, who the fuck thinks about killing their only child because a voice told them to.  Then he took it as a sign to change his name and start three new religions.

[St Giordano Bruno]

Yahweh, for the simple reason he does not exist and therefore if he does not exist then his brains do not exist.

[Zatoichi]

I'm goin' with All Of The Above.

[gussy]

Those dipshits that followed Moses around for forty fucking years.  I would have much rather stayed a slave in Egypt than go through that nightmare.

[LoneQuietus]

I'm surprised no one's said Job. "Thanks for the boils and murdering my family Lord. May I please have leprosy, too? Thanks, you're the best!"

[Jason78]

Those dipshits that followed Moses around for forty fucking years.  I would have much rather stayed a slave in Egypt than go through that nightmare.

They were following him around in circles in the desert for forty years.  You'd think that after a while someone would have said to Moses, "No, I'll wait here while you figure out where we're going."