Confessions: When will my deconversion be complete?

[_Xenu_]

I guess there is just a real release in time. You become thankful for the enlightenment. However, there is always a tradeoff to higher truth. Yes, you are free of bullshit dogma, but in turn there is no celestial figure sitting with your relatives in the afterlife eating apple pie.

This is really it in a nutshell: We trade the peace of illusion for the cold steel of reality. But once the transformation has begun, you'll find it rather impossible to reverse. Once the truth has been seen, it cannot be unseen.

[PickelledEggs]

This is really it in a nutshell: We trade the peace of illusion for the cold steel of reality. But once the transformation has begun, you'll find it rather impossible to reverse. Once the truth has been seen, it cannot be unseen.

I have wished many times this week that I could take a "Minus IQ" pill and dumb me down/ unlearn what I have learned so I am not as frustrated as I am with some beliefs. Mostly because I have just been frustrated with other things as well (my parents going through a divorce is a big part of it, plus it turns out I was very low in stamina with a cold/ear infection)  But in the end, I am happy that I know what reality is because I see how it helps me in the long run. Not to mention that completely discarding the supernatural as a force governing my life, helps me a TON in taking hold of my own life.


This transition, Dei is VERY situational and VERY personal. I don't think anyone can tell you what it's going to be like, because not one experience is the same as another. Who knows, you may not fully convert to atheism and relapse back in to deism or some faith.

[_Xenu_]

I would like to expand a bit on my previous post. Its often said that maintaining faith is a struggle. There's a reason for that, and its that faith is only feeding illusions that deep down you know aren't true. This causes a sort of cognitive dissonance, and hence the struggle. Once you've deconverted though, the cognitive dissonance ends. Maintaining your atheism is not a struggle, its pretty much automatic with no maintenance required. Some people consider this dissonance a noble thing, a sign of nobility and endurance. Personally though, I just consider it a waste of mental energy that would be better directed elsewhere. While it may be rough for awhile, you'll eventually find more inner peace by accepting the reality of the universe rather than fighting against it.

[SGOS]

I would like to expand a bit on my previous post. Its often said that maintaining faith is a struggle. There's a reason for that, and its that faith is only feeding illusions that deep down you know aren't true. This causes a sort of cognitive dissonance, and hence the struggle. Once you've deconverted though, the cognitive dissonance ends. Maintaining your atheism is not a struggle, its pretty much automatic with no maintenance required. Some people consider this dissonance a noble thing, a sign of nobility and endurance. Personally though, I just consider it a waste of mental energy that would be better directed elsewhere. While it may be rough for awhile, you'll eventually find more inner peace by accepting the reality of the universe rather than fighting against it.

I think you're on to something.  I sure pick that up from theists.

[Deidre32]

I would like to expand a bit on my previous post. Its often said that maintaining faith is a struggle. There's a reason for that, and its that faith is only feeding illusions that deep down you know aren't true. This causes a sort of cognitive dissonance, and hence the struggle. Once you've deconverted though, the cognitive dissonance ends. Maintaining your atheism is not a struggle, its pretty much automatic with no maintenance required. Some people consider this dissonance a noble thing, a sign of nobility and endurance. Personally though, I just consider it a waste of mental energy that would be better directed elsewhere. While it may be rough for awhile, you'll eventually find more inner peace by accepting the reality of the universe rather than fighting against it.

This is so insightful, and really hits home. To be clear, I'm comfortable logically with atheism...I came to this path, logically. It was logic that unraveled my faith. And, frankly...I'm not attached to it as I was a few years ago upon first deconverting. But, every now and again, I 'miss' something. There is a void or an ache that just comes from everyday stresses, and the crutch I used to grab, is forever gone. I can't ever go back. That's the thing. I could never go back to religious life, for it's a lie. An illusion as you say. But, there are times, when believing in an illusion seemed easier ...lol Ignorance is so bliss!

I can still find bliss though, and my eyes will be wide open focused on reality, and not a fantasy.

I've read through this thread, and you have helped me greatly. I'm glad I can feel safe here to share my feelings, and there's no judgment. <3

[AllPurposeAtheist]

Fresh new clean socks are a comfort. The Big Spooky reaching down and making all your booboos all better and giving you wealth because you toss a few pennies in a bowl, eat a tiny stale cracker and sip a thimble of grape koolaid is just fucking crazy..

[Deidre32]

Fresh new clean socks are a comfort. The Big Spooky reaching down and making all your booboos all better and giving you wealth because you toss a few pennies in a bowl, eat a tiny stale cracker and sip a thimble of grape koolaid is just fucking crazy..

well, gee. Put like THAT, and it makes perfect sense to not be bothered with it at all. lol :D

[stromboli]

Look at it this way. I didn't become an atheist until i was 59 years old. You are younger and have a lot more life ahead of you to enjoy the freedom that atheism will give you, once you realize it. I had a long and arduous history with religion before I realized it, so for me it was pretty bitter. But when you are free, you will know it. Their isn't any light that comes on, just the confidence you feel in your knowledge.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

well, gee. Put like THAT, and it makes perfect sense to not be bothered with it at all. lol :D

That was my conclusion quite some time ago.. Lots of things are comforts, but a big invisible fuck in the sky who promises to burn you forever and ever for even questioning his very existence isn't much comfort..

[SGOS]

I understand, and just to clarify...I don't miss religion, rather I miss how I ''felt'' when practicing it. Not everyday, nor all the time. Usually when faced with a challenge or stress, I guess I sometimes miss the crutch religion provided. :/

I suppose this is a reason to believe in a personal god who will take care of you.  It might be compelling argument for some.  Unfortunately, I can't believe in something which appears to be unsupported fantasy.  Sounds like you can't either.  But I do know this:  I'm way more happy living in reality than in fantasy, and I think it will grow on you too.  At best, I might admit that the fantasy offers hope.  I know hope is supposed to be this wonderful thing, and many theists and other "spiritual types" almost sound like they pride themselves on having hope.  And even I hope for the best.  But what is hope?  How meaningful is it?  No matter how much hope you have, things are going to turn out the way they turn out.  So hoping for stuff is just a way of not dealing with the inevitable.  Fortunately, the inevitable is seldom as bad as we think it might be.

Deconversion comes in stages, and it's not so much a longing to be where I used to be, but perhaps just accepting that where I am, I was always meant to be. If that makes sense. :)

Yes, it not only makes sense.  It's exactly the way it is.  You are going to be where you are.  You have some control over this, not ultimate control, but you can work to alter eventual outcomes.  Accepting is something that you can learn as you go along.  It's crucial to learn acceptance, not to be confused with complacency, of course.

And most definitely, deconversion doesn't happen all at once.  Well it didn't for me.  After all our Christian training, we end up carrying a tremendous amount of useless baggage.  This baggage serves no purpose in a reality based lifestyle, but it's impossible to dump all that baggage when you arrive at reality.  It seems like you should, but you don't.  You have to sort through it and this can take a very long time.  This is the result of brainwashing.  You mind has been altered to fit someone else's needs, and you don't get it back overnight.

[josephpalazzo]

If you look at religion as a hoax perpetrated to naive, gullible and deluded weak minds, you can only get disgusted with that hoax, notwithstanding the violence it has engendered throughout the centuries and the cause of humongus number of innocent lives. I have absolutely no sympathy for ANY religion whatsoever.

[the_antithesis]

I think I had recommended "A Free Man's Worship" by Bertrand Russell which describes to losing on one's faith as traversing the "cavern of darkness" before reaching "the Gate of Renunciation leads again to the daylight of wisdom, by whose radiance a new insight, a new joy, a new tenderness, shine forth to gladden the pilgrim's heart."

Personally, I didn't really go through this when I stopped being a christian. I don't know why other than I never really, totally bought that shit, although I sure acted like I did. I thought I did. But when I stopped, thing 'clicked" much better for me. Christianity really didn't work for me. I had stopped going to church before I really stopped believing, which means i was certain I was going to hell yet somehow I was okay with that. It was much later that I even gave any of it much thought and looked into things and found out that life makes much more sense if christianity is hooey than if it is not.

That's not particularly helpful to you, I suppose. I guess in some way you're disappointed in god for not existing, but you really can't blame non-existent beings.

You might be disappointedt with your parent and the other family and church members for lying to you. Best to forgive them because they do not realize what they are doing.

But you might really be disappointed with yourself for believing a lie. Do not beat yourself up about this. You don't know everything and even what little you know can be wrong.

[Deidre32]

This is really it in a nutshell: We trade the peace of illusion for the cold steel of reality. But once the transformation has begun, you'll find it rather impossible to reverse. Once the truth has been seen, it cannot be unseen.

And reality isn't always like cold steel. It's actually beautiful often times, when we embrace it and stop embracing fantasy. Thanks for your post, it is so true.

[Deidre32]

I think I had recommended "A Free Man's Worship" by Bertrand Russell which describes to losing on one's faith as traversing the "cavern of darkness" before reaching "the Gate of Renunciation leads again to the daylight of wisdom, by whose radiance a new insight, a new joy, a new tenderness, shine forth to gladden the pilgrim's heart."

Personally, I didn't really go through this when I stopped being a christian. I don't know why other than I never really, totally bought that shit, although I sure acted like I did. I thought I did. But when I stopped, thing 'clicked" much better for me. Christianity really didn't work for me. I had stopped going to church before I really stopped believing, which means i was certain I was going to hell yet somehow I was okay with that. It was much later that I even gave any of it much thought and looked into things and found out that life makes much more sense if christianity is hooey than if it is not.

That's not particularly helpful to you, I suppose. I guess in some way you're disappointed in god for not existing, but you really can't blame non-existent beings.

You might be disappointedt with your parent and the other family and church members for lying to you. Best to forgive them because they do not realize what they are doing.

But you might really be disappointed with yourself for believing a lie. Do not beat yourself up about this. You don't know everything and even what little you know can be wrong.

This is such a great post. Especially the point you make about leaving church before you stopped believing and you were ok with the idea of possibly going to hell. lol

Interestingly, when I first deconverted, I felt so free. It was a new feeling, even though of course it wasn't an overnight revelation. It was a gradual process, my deconversion. I liked being in charge of my own decisions, and not turning to my faith asking 'what would Jesus do?' And I'm way past all of that now, but what creeps up every now and again...is missing how I once 'felt' as a religious person. There was a sense of innocence that went away for me, when I left faith. Innocence might not be the best word to describe this, but it's the best I can muster right now. But, that has morphed into a greater admiration of science, and a feeling of awe over the universe. In awe of reality, not an indoctrinated fantasy.

I'm getting there. :=)

[Deidre32]

I suppose this is a reason to believe in a personal god who will take care of you.  It might be compelling argument for some.  Unfortunately, I can't believe in something which appears to be unsupported fantasy.  Sounds like you can't either.  But I do know this:  I'm way more happy living in reality than in fantasy, and I think it will grow on you too.  At best, I might admit that the fantasy offers hope.  I know hope is supposed to be this wonderful thing, and many theists and other "spiritual types" almost sound like they pride themselves on having hope.  And even I hope for the best.  But what is hope?  How meaningful is it?  No matter how much hope you have, things are going to turn out the way they turn out.  So hoping for stuff is just a way of not dealing with the inevitable.  Fortunately, the inevitable is seldom as bad as we think it might be.

Yes, it not only makes sense.  It's exactly the way it is.  You are going to be where you are.  You have some control over this, not ultimate control, but you can work to alter eventual outcomes.  Accepting is something that you can learn as you go along.  It's crucial to learn acceptance, not to be confused with complacency, of course.

And most definitely, deconversion doesn't happen all at once.  Well it didn't for me.  After all our Christian training, we end up carrying a tremendous amount of useless baggage.  This baggage serves no purpose in a reality based lifestyle, but it's impossible to dump all that baggage when you arrive at reality.  It seems like you should, but you don't.  You have to sort through it and this can take a very long time.  This is the result of brainwashing.  You mind has been altered to fit someone else's needs, and you don't get it back overnight.

You don't get it back overnight-ah, well said! Yes, that's it...
And it's not something I carry around like a weight on my back, on a daily basis. For example, this week...I'm delighted in every way, to be away from faith. It tends to manifest itself, this strange void, when I'm stressed...could be from work, or a break up, or whatever...and then I yearn for that crutch. What is ironic about religion and mistaking it for a crutch, is that you become reliant on the crutch, and critical thinking slows down. The hardest thing for me after deconverting, was being able to trust my decisions. I second guessed myself a bunch.

I really appreciate you sharing this, because while I'm not happy that you too had a few struggles through deconverting, I'm not alone in this.