Zombies.

[PickelledEggs]

http://www.livescience.com/45673-pentagon-zombie-attack-plan.html?cmpid=514627_20140524_24364754

I didn't really know which section to put this... the science section, or the politics section, or the enter the darkness section (because it's ridiculous)... but since I actually learned that chicken-zombies actually exist, I decided to put this here.

Wait, what? Chicken zombies?

Oh yes. Unlike the other seven potential zombie threats, chicken zombies are "the only proven class of zombie that actually exists," the report notes.

Chicken zombies are old egg-laying hens that are no longer profitable for poultry farmers to feed and house. The cheapest way to dispose of these birds is to euthanize them and turn them into compost. Farmers gas birds with carbon monoxide to kill them, but survivors are sometimes seen struggling out of piles of dead chickens. A 2006 Associated Press article described the phenomenon and the response from animal-cruelty organizations.

"CZs are simply terrifying to behold and are likely only to make people become vegetarians to protest animal cruelty," the military report notes. It goes on to add that counter-measures against chicken zombies fall under the jurisdiction of the U.S. Departments of Justice, Homeland Security, Agriculture and the Food and Drug Administration.

[Mr.Obvious]

The anti-zombie plan covers eight threats. Pathogenic zombies are created by infectious agents; think "World War Z." Radiation zombies are created by extreme doses of radiation. Evil magic zombies are the result of "occult experimentation." The report notes that military chaplains may be the best defense against these "EMZs," and that atheists may be most vulnerable to attack.

(quoted from OP's link.)

Damn magical zombies... they'll be the death of us, mark my words. Move over Ray-bananaman-Comfort, there is a new atheïst nightmare in town.

[PickelledEggs]

(quoted from OP's link.)

Damn magical zombies... they'll be the death of us, mark my words. Move over Ray-bananaman-Comfort, there is a new atheïst nightmare in town.

Something tells me that it's the other way around (due to a faith-based-placebo effect)

[stromboli]

All I can say is.... this dude is ready. 

[PickelledEggs]

All I can say is.... this dude is ready. 

Not me. I hate zombies, I can't even watch a movie with zombies in them.... day of the dead... World War Z.... Passion of the Christ...

[Green Bottle]

Not me. I hate zombies, I can't even watch a movie with zombies in them.... day of the dead... World War Z.... Passion of the Christ...

Hahahahahaha

All I can say is.... this dude is ready. 

Me tae, if ah had a fkn shotgun id load it rite now..................


i love Zombie movies ah have to be honest, all the George romero classics  fkn brilliant
World war Z was nobad as well........ :fU:

[PickelledEggs]

Hahahahahaha
Me tae, if ah had a fkn shotgun id load it rite now..................


i love Zombie movies ah have to be honest, all the George romero classics  fkn brilliant
World war Z was nobad as well........ :fU:

You are the only person I have ever known to actually type in a scottish accent. It's glorious.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

This is all a direct result of falling crime rates and easy access to pornography. God is punishing chickens for not fucking roosters.

[Mr.Obvious]

^I thought God already punished them by creating KFC?

[AllPurposeAtheist]

^I thought God already punished them by creating KFC?

KFC is punishing Kentucky for gay people.

[The Skeletal Atheist]

KFC is punishing Kentucky for gay people.

That must be the reason why Kentucky was one huge storm when we drove through on the way to Iowa. Though nothing explains why it sucked when we went back through it other than Kentucky just sucks.

I wasn't even able to find any of that famous Kentucky jelly there. You would think that would be the mecca for Kentucky jelly, but instead I have to go with normal grape jelly.

[AllPurposeAtheist]

That must be the reason why Kentucky was one huge storm when we drove through on the way to Iowa. Though nothing explains why it sucked when we went back through it other than Kentucky just sucks.

I wasn't even able to find any of that famous Kentucky jelly there. You would think that would be the mecca for Kentucky jelly, but instead I have to go with normal grape jelly.

Yeah, Kentucky kinda sucks as witnessed by Mitch McConnell. Kentucky sucking is also why trees in Ohio kinda point south.

[stromboli]

For general information- do not use a life size picture of a human head at the gun range for a target. For some reason the gun range people don't like that. Just saying.

[Solitary]

One of my first memories as a toddler was watching my dad hold a chicken that was my pet over a stump and my other dad cutting it's head off with an ax, and the bird flying around the yard while they laughed. We had chicken for dinner that night. That may be why I'm a coward (chicken) now, I've been told by a staff member that is a proud ass. He! He!    Solitary 

[stromboli]

One of my first memories as a toddler was watching my dad hold a chicken that was my pet over a stump and my other dad cutting it's head off with an ax, and the bird flying around the yard while they laughed. We had chicken for dinner that night. That may be why I'm a coward (chicken) now, I've been told by a staff member that is a proud ass. He! He!    Solitary 

I used to participate in the murder of turkeys. Now that is fun.