Whew...been a long road to here.

[stephaniesays]

So, I dabbled with being an atheist for as long as I can remember. I was raised Lutheran but just never really believed it. I remember being pretty young and asking, "But who made God?", which baffled the poor Bible School teacher, who said, "He just has always been there." When I was older, I asked, "But how could Jesus have been a kosher sacrifice?" which got me kicked out. I got back in after I apologized, but I still don't know what I said wrong. I later did a full conversion to Judaism, because at least they answered my questions and I didn't have the Jesus problem. I still consider myself a Jew and I do enjoy going to services to be among my "people", but I no longer believe in God, so to speak.
So, that's my story. It's hard because my family IS Christian and it does mean a lot to my mom. So we just don't talk about it. She brings up my child-beating, horrible grandfather who was an atheist. Yeah, and so is my awesome husband. So what does that mean? Ugh.
So any advice is welcome. I am just coming out of the closet, so to speak, and am still the good person I was before. :)

[PopeyesPappy]

Welcome Stephanie cat person!

[stephaniesays]

I'm really more of a dog person, greyhound person, but that is a nice picture of my cat. :) I have a rescue lab/pointer mix named Lexi as well.

[Hydra009]

Welcome!

<-- loves Labs like lively Lexi

[Jason78]

I like you already.   No one could have an awesome dog like that and be a bad person.

[PickelledEggs]

Welcome, Stephanie!

To me, it seems like the biggest thing that is stressing you is how your mom is relating your grandfather to your husband. (understandably, I might add)

I would just suggest that you keep in mind that people tend to see patterns in things, even if they aren't even there. (some people do it more than others) Your mom seems to be relating your grandpa, from what you are saying was abusive, to atheism. Which I know that you're aware isn't the case.  So I guess what I'm saying is take what your mom is saying about atheists with a grain of salt. And when you are ready to talk about it with her, just try to have her understand that atheists are individuals that the only thing they necessarily share is lack of belief. There are some asshole atheists but most of them are really nice people. It's human nature to be friendly to others we wouldn't survive as a species if it wasn't.

But anyway, welcome! :D Glad to have you aboard!

[AllPurposeAtheist]

So had your grandfather been a good Christian child beater would your mother have a more favorable view of him?
I almost converted too years ago because I was never into the whole holy zombie thing with Jebus, but the only Jew I knew at the time was an elderly lady who was my parents next door neighbor, but she fell down the basement steps, broke her hip, went to the hospital and died some months later.

I DIDN'T PUSH HER, HONEST!

[Mr.Obvious]

Welcome stephanie!

I hope things get sorted out eventually. It's hard to advice a context you haven't seen for yourself, but it'll never be resolved if you can't communicate on it.

I suggest that the next time she bring him up, you calmly and plainly state that you think that is an unfair comparison and that it hurts your feelings that she would compare you to such a horrible man. (Only say this last bit if it actually hurts your feelings, of course. But it would in my case.) Tell her, in a soft voice, that much child-beating, child-abuse and child-neglect has come from both people who believed in God and people who didn't believe in God, throughout the ages. Then tell her you appreciate her concern and understand that this is a difficult position for her, concidering her father but that it's unfair to expect you to lie to yourself.  Tell her she's done an amazing job as a mother and that she has taught you the best moral codes she possibly could have; compassion, love, selflessness and honesty.  Tell her that she has made you the best possible you you could be and that everything will be fine.

I hope it goes well Stephanie, good to have you.

[SGOS]

Former Lutheran here too.  It's probably an easier transition to reality from the Lutheran religion, depending on what your church was like.  We all said we believed in God, but it was mostly just something my mother and father did on Sundays.  I never thought people actually believed in the Bible nonsense, but that they took it metaphorically.  Years later, I realized, "No, lots of people believe it,"  which was a scary observation for me.

My Grandmother was a Baptist, and did a lot of psychological damage to me and my sister at a young age.  I loved Grandma, but in retrospect, she was a deluded crazy person that should have been kept away from children.

[PopeyesPappy]

I'm really more of a dog person

A dog person too. That is even better. You are now doubly welcome. Athough it does make comments like, " Cats are good. They taste like chicken." a little less meaningful...

[stromboli]

Welcome. Lab/Pointer is a good mix. I have a Decker Rat Terrier. Raised dogs for decades. Like cats too, though.

[Hijiri Byakuren]

How does one "dabble" with being an atheist? You make it sound like a religious belief that someone converts to.

[SGOS]

How does one "dabble" with being an atheist? You make it sound like a religious belief that someone converts to.

I wondered about that too.  I assume it means wondering about if religious claims are too unbelievable.  I can't say I ever dabbled with becoming an atheist.  I didn't even wonder if I might have been an atheist until one day when I just recognized and accepted it in myself.

[stephaniesays]

Dabbling may have been the wrong term. "Always doubted Christianity" is a very good term. "Spoke with atheists" is another good explanation. But I just put my toes in the water and never fully immersed, for multiple reasons. Family pressure, mostly. It would have meant ending family contact (back then) and I couldn't do that. It also would have meant losing friendships and such...I just wasn't ready to do that. It is a big deal, to admit that one is abandoning a belief system that lots of people around me believe is a moral code of some sort. My dad is cool, which helps. I think he is a closet atheist. And my family loves my husband, who is openly atheist.

Yet my niece went on a diatribe at the Thanksgiving/Christmas about how much she hates atheists and got head pats. My husband just smiled and said maybe she should give back her iTunes gift card, since those evil atheists gave it to her. She shut up.

[SGOS]

Dabbling may have been the wrong term. "Always doubted Christianity" is a very good term. "Spoke with atheists" is another good explanation. But I just put my toes in the water and never fully immersed, for multiple reasons. Family pressure, mostly.

I can understand that.  I never even admitted my atheism to myself until after both my parent's died.  It's possible that it would have taken me that long to come to terms with my inner self anyway, I don't know for sure.  My sister converted to Catholicism when she married a Spanish guy, but they are both totally cool with my atheism.

This last Christmas they called me on Christmas day.  My brother-in-law said they were calling all of their atheist friends to wish them a Merry Christmas.  I didn't take offense, it was a playful bit of humor that he delivered in a charming way.  We both laughed, and I heard my sister laughing in the background too.