Author Topic: Alien Mutilation  (Read 2114 times)

Offline Solitary

Alien Mutilation
« on: September 17, 2013, 12:42:35 PM »
Quote
There have been numerous reports of cattle mutilation -- that is, unexplainably dead cows turning up with odd wounds that look to be surgically precise. Their bodies have been split open, and the soft organs inside have been removed. Their eyes, tongues, genitals and anuses may also have been removed. But the most unusual element of all, and the thing that really sets off the Crazy Alarms in people's heads, is that the bodies are always mysteriously drained of blood.

Clearly, it's vampires. Or else aliens are doing it to study the cows. Maybe satanic cults are committing ritualistic sacrifices. No, wait: It's unseen monsters like El Chupacabra that are feasting on the livestock! :shock:  

Along comes science:

In the 1970s, the ATF and even the FBI investigated the cattle-mutilation phenomenon. Their results? They found no evidence of anything other than natural causes and the occasional psychopath. No cult activity, no aliens, no monsters.
Natural causes that appear as surgical wounds? What about the removed organs? How is that possible? In most cases, scavengers such as foxes, buzzards and other critters that like beef au natural saunter by the decomposing corpse and have a bite or two -- thus the organ removal.

The surgical look comes later, when insects chew at the edges of the wounds. See, flies like soft foods, because flies don't have teeth. Same reason we go to Taco Bell: no standards and less work. And also much like Taco Bell, they prefer the softer parts of the animal: eyes, tongues, genitals, anuses and the rough edges of those aforementioned scavenger wounds. Also, if the animal's been lying around for long enough (or even short periods in the hot sun), it'll bloat and burst open, often with very clean, surgical-looking tears. And then come the maggots, which eat anything they can get their little teeth on.

They'll chew up whatever's left of those organs and drink the animal's blood, which typically pools to the bottom of the corpse, giving it that nice, cleanly drained look. Look, don't believe us (we certainly don't make a habit out of it), but what better way to demonstrate than a little field experiment? In 1979, an Arkansas sheriff named Herb Marshall got a bunch of complaints about cattle mutilation in his jurisdiction. So he got the idea to take a dead cow, plop it down in a field and film it for 48 hours in what was undoubtedly the worst two-day stakeout since Another 48 Hrs. After the elements and various creatures were done with it, the stakeout cow was indistinguishable from any other animal that had been "mutilated."
 And all this time I thought God did it. Well actually He did in a way with His creations.  :shock:   :roll:  Solitary
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Offline stromboli

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2013, 01:27:17 PM »
The cattle mutilation theory was shot down thoroughly years ago. So were the Chupacabra sightings and a few other so-called "anomalies". Just like area 51, it is based on false interpretations of limited observations. I believe they call it woo.

Online aitm

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2013, 02:39:34 PM »
Quote from: "stromboli"
The cattle mutilation theory was shot down thoroughly years ago. So were the Chupacabra sightings and a few other so-called "anomalies". Just like area 51, it is based on false interpretations of limited observations. I believe they call it woo.

yeah, but zombies are still real dammit, I think I saw one a couple nights ago after drinking a bit and a puff or two and maybe a small toke but I been doing that fer years and never saw nuttin then so it was a real zom man.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

Offline Solitary

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2013, 03:41:54 PM »
I can't believe people don't believe in Chupacabras, we even have them racing in Arizona.  :roll:  


 



















 It's true, atheist don't believe in anything. :shock:   :lol:  Solitary
« Last Edit: September 17, 2013, 03:45:08 PM by Solitary »
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Offline stromboli

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2013, 03:42:29 PM »
Quote from: "aitm"
Quote from: "stromboli"
The cattle mutilation theory was shot down thoroughly years ago. So were the Chupacabra sightings and a few other so-called "anomalies". Just like area 51, it is based on false interpretations of limited observations. I believe they call it woo.

yeah, but zombies are still real dammit, I think I saw one a couple nights ago after drinking a bit and a puff or two and maybe a small toke but I been doing that fer years and never saw nuttin then so it was a real zom man.

Zombies ain't aliens, bro. They be homegrown.  :-D

Offline Hydra009

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2013, 05:04:43 PM »
Quote from: "Solitary"
Quote
There have been numerous reports of cattle mutilation -- that is, unexplainably dead cows turning up with odd wounds that look to be surgically precise. Their bodies have been split open, and the soft organs inside have been removed. Their eyes, tongues, genitals and anuses may also have been removed. But the most unusual element of all, and the thing that really sets off the Crazy Alarms in people's heads, is that the bodies are always mysteriously drained of blood.

Clearly, it's vampires. Or else aliens are doing it to study the cows.

Offline AllPurposeAtheist

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2013, 05:12:49 PM »
I have a confession. I hear it's good for me, but anyway...I'm the notorious cattle mutilator. Don't tel? anyone. :-$



Gosh.. I DO feel better now! :-k
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2013, 06:43:35 PM »
LIAR.

Offline PopeyesPappy

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2013, 07:12:14 PM »
Quote from: "Solitary"
I can't believe people don't believe in Chupacabras, we even have them racing in Arizona.

I can't believe you'd pick on poor Wendy like that and compare her to a chupacabra. That's the equivalent of calling a retard a reta...


Um, never mind.
Save a life. Adopt a Greyhound.


Offline Solitary

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2013, 12:57:14 AM »
He! He! Good one!  :lol:  Solitary
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Offline AllPurposeAtheist

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2013, 07:20:56 AM »
Quote from: "josephpalazzo"
LIAR.
Denial isn't a river in Egypt.. Just because YOU may have mutilated a cow here and there doesn't mean I haven't been at it for centuries now..
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2013, 09:38:04 AM »
Quote from: "AllPurposeAtheist"
Quote from: "josephpalazzo"
LIAR.
Denial isn't a river in Egypt.. Just because YOU may have mutilated a cow here and there doesn't mean I haven't been at it for centuries now..


Nude pictures or it didn't happen.

Offline Solitary

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2013, 11:08:53 AM »
  :lol:  Solitary
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Offline Hydra009

Re: Alien Mutilation
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2013, 12:26:14 PM »
Quote from: "Solitary"
[ Image ]   :lol:  Solitary