Author Topic: The Poetry Thread  (Read 48176 times)

Offline Cavebear

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #345 on: November 24, 2018, 05:31:48 PM »
You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login
Could use some input on this one!
Making it for a friend who's putting together an indie game centered in WWII.

Entrenched

The soil soaks with the blood of brothers
though the iron is not bound to the ground:
It is flung forth from us to the others
in a monstrous nightmare we try to mount
and ride towards the glow of the rising sun.
Arm the cannons and rip the skies asunder,
the struggle for a horse has only just begun:
Kill the man you were and let it thunder.
Worry only how to live with yourself
after you make sure that you'll live.
Forget the One and his band of twelve
and the forgiveness that He might give.
Nothing is sacred in love nor in war.
Arm the cannons and rip your soul asunder,
the high horse of dawn grazes too far.
Kill the man you'd be and let it thunder.

Someone told me to check a syllable counter.
This one is more in tune with that: ten each.
Which is better?

entrenched

Here the soil soaks with the blood of brothers
though the iron is not bound to the ground:
It is flung forth from us to the others
in a monstrous nightmare we try to mount
and ride to the light of the rising sun.
Arm the cannons; rip the skies asunder,
the struggle for a steed has just begun:
Kill the man you were and let it thunder.
Worry only how to live with yourself
after you are certain that you will live.
Forget now the One and his band of twelve
and so the forgiveness that He might give.
Nothing is sacred in love nor in war.
Arm the cannons; rip your soul asunder,
the high horse of dawn grazes far too far.
Kill the man you'd be and let it thunder.
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead!

Online Mr.Obvious

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #346 on: November 24, 2018, 07:31:23 PM »
You got feedback? You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login
"If we have to go down, we go down together!"
- Your mum, requesting 69 last night.


 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk