The Poetry Thread

[Solomon Zorn]

[Jmpty]

I critiqued my own poem. With your help, of course.

[Solomon Zorn]

I'm inquiring about your first poem, were you aiming it at someone, or "talking to yourself," so to speak. It's a very harsh review.

[Jmpty]

I don't critique other people's poetry. I only talk about myself. I've been at it a long time.

[Solomon Zorn]

Oh. Cool. I thought we were going to have a rumble.

All you poets need to read this:
http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/creativewriting/Poetry/mistakes.html

[dtq123]

Oh. Cool. I thought we were going to have a rumble.

All you poets need to read this:
http://writing2.richmond.edu/writing/wweb/creativewriting/Poetry/mistakes.html

How do you think of mine? (I have my opinions, but I want to hear someone else's)

[Solomon Zorn]

"Seven"

Your body grows from life,
How can you not love yourself?
Born from the best kind

Green eyes they wander.
Searching to be the best ones,
Wandering they go.

Sans rest you wither,
Repose is what you must seek,
Even at alert times.

The man and woman,
Adam and Even copulate.
Harlots seem quite close.

Food and Drink welcome,
How else one enjoy surplus?
Ichors and Nectars

Mammon oh wise one.
Aid me plan many days time.
Everlasting toys.

Wrath the core of us.
As spark to revolution,
For better or for worse.

I found the last stanza interesting, but the rest seemed too personal to follow exactly what you were getting at. Maybe a little vague.

[dtq123]

I found the last stanza interesting, but the rest seemed too personal to follow exactly what you were getting at. Maybe a little vague.

Are you content with your understanding or would you like me to try and explain this.

I made this in one sitting half-asleep, so I would expect it to be bad.

[Solomon Zorn]

I made this in one sitting...

That's where the problem lies: it's not finished. It's just a start at something that could, perhaps, be a good poem, if you make it cohesive. It seems to me like a lot of disconnected thoughts.

As for explaining the meaning of the poem, I don't think it makes the poem any better to do so. Rewrite it and see if you can get the meaning across better. At least that's my suggestion.

And read the post I linked to about beginners mistakes. I don't think you'll find it hard to be a self critic.

[Solomon Zorn]

OH WAIT! I SEE! GOOD POEM! 

I'm not Catholic, so I didn't catch on to the meaning of seven. I have a habit of making poems of seven stanzas, and It didn't seem significant.

Still though, read the article I linked to. It's one of several I've read that I've found insightful.

Good poem though, seriously!

[dtq123]

OH WAIT! I SEE! GOOD POEM! 

I'm not Catholic, so I didn't catch on to the meaning of seven. I have a habit of making poems of seven stanzas, and It didn't seem significant.

Still though, read the article I linked to. It's one of several I've read that I've found insightful.

Good poem though, seriously!

Thanks, I'll look into it.

[stromboli]

I tried writing an epic poem once but couldn't find anything that rhymed with epic.

[Solomon Zorn]

Here you go, Strom: http://www.rhymer.com/RhymingDictionary/epic.html

Nothings holding you back now!

[Solomon Zorn]

Here's a forum post that might be helpful as well.

Five beginners mistakes:
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-15730.html

[Solomon Zorn]

Anybody still writing poetry besides Brian and me? I think it was Deirdre that was going to share some Haikus with us. I wrote a poem last month that I linked to elsewhere on the forum. Here it is:

"The Anti-Miracle"
http://www.solomonzorn.com/the-anti-miracle.html