Author Topic: The Poetry Thread  (Read 18977 times)

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

The Poetry Thread
« on: September 15, 2013, 02:32:56 AM »
I wrote these both today. The song, Human, came to me complete with a tune for the chorus. The poem, Vicious, came to me at virtually the same time. I've been tweaking them all night.

Human
Lyrics by
Solomon Zorn

It's all just human,
Seems to me.
If there's a god,
He never spoke to me.

It's all just human,
Can't you see?
If there's a god,
He must have set us free.

   To think for ourselves,
   Learning all that we can,
   Never to know,
   What's the fate of a man.

It's all just human,
Seems to me.
If there's a god,
He never spoke to me.

It's all just human,
Can't you see?
If there's a god,
He must have set us free.

   To hope to continue,
   Expecting to end.
   Living each day
   As if fate is your friend

It's all just human,
Seems to me.
If there's a god,
He never spoke to me.

It's all just human,
Can't you see?
If there's a god,
He must have set us free.

   So stay fascinated,
   With beauty on Earth.
   Valuing each life
   For what it is worth.

      Human dreams
      Human longing
      Human works
      Human art

      Human thoughts
      Human feelings
      Human words
      Human heart

It's all just human,
Seems to me.
If there's a god,
He never spoke to me.

It's all just human,
Can't you see?
If there's a god,
He must have set us free.

Set us free

Set us free



“Vicious”
Solomon Zorn


Wind in the woods
Brings the sound of a scream
Vicious designs
From a nightmarish dream

Proof is the scream
Crying out in the woods
God doesn't care
What is evil or good

Caught by the neck
And then lifted in fright
Suddenly falling
From dizzying height

Impact shock renders
A paralyzed state
Shadow comes heralding
Cruelest of fates

Hawk tears his prey
Its pain is intense
Stunned, but not dead
Yet it has no defense

Terrible tools
Start to rip apart flesh
Spilling red blood
On the green grass afresh

Clinging to life
Until it's last breath
Moments of torment
That end in its death

Deep in the woods
And unseen to the world
Nobody mourns
For the death of a squirrel



(Last tweaked on 11-23-14)
« Last Edit: November 23, 2014, 07:00:45 AM by Solomon Zorn »
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2013, 12:29:10 PM »
A Friend Without Friends

As far as I can tell
I see no god at all
I search here and there
Yonder to and fro
But theres no answer to my call

My friends all hold hands
And pray to what I do not know
They ask for forgiveness
They ask for things
But theres nothing that ever shows

I was taught to believe
To obey in faith blind
But I cannot obey
I cannot stay
The imprisoned mind

So now I walk alone
I face life real
And smile at my friends
At those who pretend
Very content in how I feel

                                 Myke

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #2 on: September 15, 2013, 12:51:44 PM »
I love it, Myke. Your poem evokes an emotional response, which, I was taught, is the first objective of poetry. I really identify with the sentiments.

If this were a class, and I were critiquing, I would only say that I wish you used that excellent rhyme-scheme from the last two stanzas throughout. The first two are similar, but lack the interest created by rhyming the 3rd line with the 4th line. (I've even got in mind a fix for it: one line and one word to perfect the rhyme scheme! Oooooo-let-me-at-it!)

That's just nit-picking though really. It's a great poem. Thanks for sharing.
« Last Edit: September 15, 2013, 01:21:35 PM by Solomon Zorn »
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2013, 12:58:34 PM »
A poet and don't know it are these two fools without the tools to know God.  Just kidding guys!  =D>  Well done. Solitary
There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2013, 02:38:03 PM »
Quote from: "Solomon Zorn"
I love it, Myke. Your poem evokes an emotional response, which, I was taught, is the first objective of poetry. I really identify with the sentiments.

If this were a class, and I were critiquing, I would only say that I wish you used that excellent rhyme-scheme from the last two stanzas throughout. The first two are similar, but lack the interest created by rhyming the 3rd line with the 4th line. (I've even got in mind a fix for it: one line and one word to perfect the rhyme scheme! Oooooo-let-me-at-it!)

That's just nit-picking though really. It's a great poem. Thanks for sharing.
Go for it!

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2013, 02:34:08 PM »
I made some major changes to the song, "Human". It flows a lot better now. You're invited to read it again.

I wrote two more poems night before last, but I don't have time to post them now. Thanks for reading. :-D
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #6 on: September 19, 2013, 03:12:43 PM »
Like the messages.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers." Obama
Poetry By Brian37 Like my poetry on Facebook Under BrianJames Rational Poet and also at twitter under Brianrrs37

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2013, 08:59:48 PM »
Here are two more I wrote this week.

Insufficient
Solomon Zorn


They say he walked on water,
And turned water into wine,
He fed a multitude,
And drove some demons into swine,

They say he raised the dead,
And gave back eyesight to the blind,
He told a crippled man to walk,
And lepers found him kind,

But these are insufficient works,
In fact they're quite mundane,
When used as evidence,
For extraordinary claims.

Like saying he's the Son of God,
Whose word is always right,
And telling all to follow him,
Because he is the light.

Or saying that the unbelievers
All are bound for Hell,
Then using this coercive threat,
His ministry to sell.

For even if the stories
Of his “miracles” were true,
(Just speaking from an onlooker's
Subjective point of view)

This still is not the kind of
Evidence I need to see.
The stories that I once believed,
Are not convincing me.

No, I've seen way too many,
Looking like a bunch of asses,
Praying to the salt-stains
Underneath of overpasses,

To think that people can't be fooled,
Especially back then,
Or swallow all the dogmas,
And the myths I can't defend.






Too Many
Solomon Zorn

Our pursuit of happiness,
Leads simple folks to find,
All of man's contentedness
Begins within the mind

Every plant is there for us
To use as we see fit.
Urgently we must discuss
The laws concerning it.

There's too many locked in jail,
For having too much fun.
How can justice here prevail
When they have hurt no one?

Once a drug conviction's made,
A price in years is paid.
Even then, the stain won't fade,
Because they disobeyed.

Silly prohibition goons,
Have spread their phantom fears:
Wild intoxication, soon
Will wreck all we hold dear.

Legal alcohol has not
Destroyed society.
Let's try legalizing pot,
And set the addicts free.

Worrying what drugs they're on
Should not be your concern.
They will change or they'll be gone,
So self-control they'll learn.

(Last tweaked 9/27/14)
« Last Edit: September 27, 2014, 07:16:54 AM by Solomon Zorn »
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #8 on: September 26, 2013, 04:07:42 PM »
Love the first one Zorn "Insufficient"
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers." Obama
Poetry By Brian37 Like my poetry on Facebook Under BrianJames Rational Poet and also at twitter under Brianrrs37

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #9 on: September 27, 2013, 12:49:49 AM »

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2013, 01:17:48 AM »

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #11 on: September 27, 2013, 06:15:51 PM »
I am hoping for comment by Solomon Zorn on my last two entries on this thread.

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #12 on: September 27, 2013, 07:01:01 PM »
Quote from: "mykcob4"
A Friend Without Friends

As far as I can tell
I see no god at all
I search here and there
Yonder to and fro
But theres no answer to my call

My friends all hold hands
And pray to what I do not know
They ask for forgiveness
They ask for things
But theres nothing that ever shows

I was taught to believe
To obey in faith blind
But I cannot obey
I cannot stay
The imprisoned mind

So now I walk alone
I face life real
And smile at my friends
At those who pretend
Very content in how I feel

                                 Myke

There is not an atheist I know that has not at some point felt that way.
"We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers." Obama
Poetry By Brian37 Like my poetry on Facebook Under BrianJames Rational Poet and also at twitter under Brianrrs37

Offline Solomon Zorn (OP)

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2013, 04:20:18 PM »
Sorry it took me so long to respond, Myke, my computer got stolen by crack-heads and I still haven't replaced it. So I'm only online every other weekend.

Anyway...great work! I especially liked the first one's subversive undertones. The second one actually has me worried about you! But it really captures the whole experience.

I actually saw your post a while ago, but didn't have time to respond. It got me thinking about poetry in general though, an so I put some of my thoughts on the subject into writing. Here's what I came up with:

On Poetry
Solomon Zorn

    I don't write much free-form poetry. Although it's lofty language lifts the limits of simple prose, and presently progresses into a lot of alliteration, I feel the reader will find it ponderous. It's capable of evoking an emotional response, but I prefer more structured forms.

Poetry
Still needs to be
A challenge to the writer

Structure gives
A positive
Inducement to the reader

Poetry is evolution
Advancing in stages
Growing branches
Selecting traits
Defining functions
Adapting to the repeating patterns of words
Making them serve the central theme

Structure is environment
Establishing parameters
Limiting expression
Suggesting tangents
Separating ideas
Adapting to the unpredictable flow of thoughts
Making them serve the central theme

A poem
A child
Taking his own path
Not forced
Not restrained
Only guided

A poem
A performer
Entertaining the reader
Not trivial
Not mundane
Only inspired

Consider:
Emotion
Audience
Message
Brevity

The uneducated hick gets down from his soapbox and resumes watching television.
« Last Edit: November 23, 2014, 07:50:48 AM by Solomon Zorn »
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: The Poetry Thread
« Reply #14 on: October 04, 2013, 11:03:22 PM »
Quote from: "Solomon Zorn"
Sorry it took me so long to respond, Myke, my computer got stolen by crack-heads and I still haven't replaced it. So I'm only online every other weekend.

Anyway...great work! I especially liked the first one's subversive undertones. The second one actually has me worried about you! But it really captures the whole experience.

I actually saw your post a while ago, but didn't have time to respond. It got me thinking about poetry in general though, an so I put some of my thoughts on the subject into writing. Here's what I came up with:

[center:35iydnbm]On Poetry
Solomon Zorn[/center:35iydnbm]
    I don't write much free-form poetry. Although it's lofty language lifts the limits of simple prose, and presently progresses into a lot of alliteration, I feel the reader will find it ponderous. It's capable of evoking an emotional response, but I prefer more structured forms.

Rhyme and meter
Need to be
Challenging
Linguistically

Rhythm adds
A new dimension
Thoughts aligning
In progression

Poetry is evolution
Advancing in stages
Growing branches
Selecting traits
Defining functions
Adapting to the repeating patterns of words
Making them serve the central theme

Structure is environment
Establishing parameters
Limiting expression
Suggesting tangents
Separating ideas
Adapting to the unpredictable flow of thoughts
Making them serve the central theme

A poem
A child
Taking his own path
Not forced
Not restrained
Only guided

A poem
A performer
Entertaining the reader
Not trivial
Not mundane
Only inspired

Consider:
Emotion
Audience
Message
Brevity

The uneducated hick gets down from his soapbox an resumes watching television.