Author Topic: Really, how are we supposed to cope?  (Read 404 times)

Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« on: July 14, 2020, 08:35:14 PM »
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« Last Edit: July 19, 2020, 06:07:49 PM by Rosycheeked_rebel »

Offline Baruch

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #1 on: July 14, 2020, 08:49:20 PM »
You are making coherent sense.  But happiness is related to hormones (balance of Medieval humors aka court jesters).  If certain activities give you the little boost you need (naturally) ... say bungee jumping, then you need to do that from time to time, or at least look forward to doing it.  EQ is different from IQ.  One can dispute religions from either/both perspective.  So there are psychosomatic reasons and there are physiological reasons ... "mens sana in corpore sano".  It isn't easy leaving behind old habits that no longer work for you.  A requirement if a young adult.  That is what "karma" means.  If you are a serial killer, you might get addicted to the thrill of killing people, instead of the thrill of riding on a roller-coaster.

So you are moving on, but it worries you?  Get in the bus ;-)  Internal resources first of all depend on physical and mental health.  It also depends on avoiding crazy situations like pungee pits in Vietnam!  People with grandiose visions are usually disappointed.  Know yourself, and do something small each day (outside of survival) to enhance your day.  You are young, right?  Well getting to cope is hard at that age.  It was for me.  I didn't know what the next day would bring, because I hadn't established a daily wellness routine, didn't have a history as a adult.  Adults have three choices usually ... go to work, keep house, go to school.  Sometimes all three!  Do you have the resources to make choices?  There is no free lunch, and the first principle isn't to avoid overdraw on your checking account, but overdraw on your self.
« Last Edit: July 14, 2020, 08:50:59 PM by Baruch »
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ ła’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Offline aitm

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2020, 09:43:04 PM »
No doubt religion is a useful tool when faced with disappointment or failure or lose. My own story is like many, born into it decided its bunk and life goes on. One day after a particular two difficult years and living in a car I finally getting a good job opportunity only to have the car break down on the freeway and knowing I would lose the job was a half step away from the oncoming semi. Something in the back of my head said, “ oh fuck you life, I ain’t done with you yet”.
Still no easy road, a hard working but not an impossible one. Still made lots of mistakes but you chug along. If you are not enjoying life, either you physically can’t, or maybe your doing it wrong.
Last week, my daughter called me, she was angry and upset that some people were getting physically violent because they had to wear a mask to come inside the store she was in. She was thinking about packing, she’s licensed, but that piece of paper doesn’t mean much if your wrong. I told her, “ don’t put yourself in the position where 12 strangers get to decide if you spend 20 years in jail.” That store doesn’t have shit in it that is worth even a car ride.
The same is somewhat true about life. You can’t control the shit that life throws at you, but only you can control how you react. Don’t let fairy tales, myths and simple non sensical bullshit direct a response that is irrational and plain dumb. Use your brain, evolution put it there for a reason. 😁
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2020, 10:10:23 PM »
Rosy, I hear your angst.  We all go thru it.  Sometimes, often.  I don't view the world as evil.  It is not good, either.  It just is.  You are.  That's it.  You cannot control the world.  You cannot even control yourself, well, not easily.  Shit happens.  And non-shit happens.  sometimes we can't tell the difference.  What we can control are the choices we have in response to all of this.  We can choose to make it all shit or all roses.  I had a hard and long struggle to learn who I was and what I wanted.  I thought for decades I wanted to be happy.  I could never quite get there, for I could not really make a final determination of what 'happy' was.  Now, I am content.  I think I did what I could with the tools I possessed at the time.  I am content with that.  Look up Joseph Campbell (he writes about the power of myth and fairy tales and such).  He suggests one follow their 'bliss'.  It takes awhile (at least for me) to figure out what that is.  But following your bliss fills in those holes of doubt and depression.  Look for it and then follow it.  Maybe your bliss is a certain part of history, or basket weaving, or golf, or teaching, or driving a taxi; something (or several somethings) is your bliss.  Campbell suggests that when you find it, follow it and don't worry about money or other such things, but follow your bliss and your life will come into focus.  Campbell also says that the purpose of life is life.  There is not 'purpose' to the universe.  It just is.  But you can have a purpose--whatever you bliss is.  It will be your purpose and not anybody else's.  My purpose is to live; and to find contentment by following my own personal bliss and I'm find with that.  You are in the phase of your life where you are just beginning to ask questions.  Just don't expect to have all the answers right now.  Keep asking the questions and keep looking for those things that give you pleasure and then your bliss with turn up and that will be your purpose.  But only you can figure that out.  I wish you luck in your search. 
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent,
Is he able but not willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able or willing?
Then why call him god?

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2020, 07:29:14 AM »
I have never been religious. I have never needed religion.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2020, 07:47:46 AM »
Intelligence is a bell curve and honestly 80 percent of people are individually better off being religious. It keeps them happily focused on the perfect next-world and relatively self-policed. Problem is they get used. Then the entire world suffers.

People who figure all this out can be happy but it is a different sort of happy. It has a clarity, dignity, and self worth that no religious person can ever obtain.

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2020, 08:26:25 AM »
People seem to think that only one person can have a point on the curve. The MOST PEOPLE have an IQ of 100. It's the average person's IQ.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2020, 08:51:09 AM »
People seem to think that only one person can have a point on the curve. The MOST PEOPLE have an IQ of 100. It's the average person's IQ.

I see an IQ test score as grading just a few aspects of intelligence, mainly pattern recognition, short term memory, attention to details and processing speed. A fairly narrow assessment, really. Deep slow thought, emotional comprehension, bullshit detection, long term memory, artistic/aesthetic comprehension and abilities are just a few qualities besides IQ scores that comprise 'intelligence' to me.

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #8 on: July 15, 2020, 10:44:03 AM »
You can do a pressure test on a naval boiler and get information. Doesn't mean you're done with the safety checks.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Offline Sal1981

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #9 on: July 15, 2020, 04:16:20 PM »
I live day to day with some planning on what to do the current day. I have some plans into the future, but they aren't set in stone, they're more like ambitions than actual goals is the way I think about future plans. I mostly live in the moment, but that's easy for me to say, when I've made peace with past experiences and actions. Living with schizoaffective disorder means I'm quite wary of emotions in other people's behavior, as well as their convictions and beliefs they profess that don't have real-world referrals. This has left me quite, admittedly, cold and cynical. Only when I'm by myself, either in front of my computer or just walking outside from place to place, do I feel at peace. Not that I don't enjoy my friends and family's company, I just don't get that emotionally attached to the people around me. I have accepted my lot in life and that I one day will die. I just try to enjoy, in my own way, every day the way I want to.

Self-interest doesn't necessarily have to conflict with caring for one's social environment. We only have provisional control over our surroundings and even our own bodies, which is why I think it's best to level with that realization and work from there. Shit happens, best to watch your step.
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool" --- Richard P. Feynman

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2020, 05:36:46 PM »
The problem of evil really shows me more or less that 1) no loving and powerful god would allow the things in the world that happen to happen, but also 2)  we may just be stuck like this. The world is evil and we all experience that in varying degrees. How do you reconcile and make peace with this? How can we be happy and safe in this life?

Well, a good God would not allow suffering if she could prevent it. Evil, ignorant, or weak gods might still be possible.

It's also important to understand that while we perceive evil in the world, we also enjoy much good. As I see it, the world is mostly good most of the time. We tend to dwell on what's bad because the bad is what may "get us" if we don't act to avert disaster. So having peace all the time isn't possible, but keep looking for what peace is there. Happiness often comes as a surprise when things look their darkest.

Finally, if you want safety, it comes from wisdom. While perfect safety isn't possible, just be prudent in your choices doing what is least risky.

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I feel like I’m not making sense and just rambling. The TLDR of this would be, I just want to know how to live in this painful reality, with both eyes open to everything. And without the justification of a god or the stars aligning in a certain way, just us taking the world for what it is.

The world is very livable without gods. Millions of people live without superstition. From what I've experienced, the hope offered by religion is a false hope that only frustrates and disappoints many people. You're better off without it.

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I’ve also started to see why studies show that religious people are happier than atheists

I never really noticed that religious people are happier than the nonreligious, but even if religion does bring happiness, I don't want to be happy believing lies. I prefer to know the truth. What really matters to me is that I'm the man I want to be.

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #11 on: July 15, 2020, 06:06:55 PM »
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« Last Edit: July 19, 2020, 06:08:44 PM by Rosycheeked_rebel »

Offline trdsf

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2020, 06:49:39 PM »
Living in the rational world carries a couple of burdens: you have to discard the comfort of "knowledge" from religion, and become comfortable with both "Shit happens" and "I don't know" as legitimate answers.

And let me tell you, I hate "I don't know" as an answer.  That was the hardest part for me, not being able to fall back on "goddidit" or "that's just the way it is" (which is a plausible, but no more satisfying, answer).

But, the simple fact is, the universe is under no obligation to be immediately explicable.  It needs to be picked apart by cleverer people than most of us here, and even that knowledge is provisional.  That said, the entire history of inquiry is that of always honing in on the best available truth, sharpening it every year, moving always closer to a more complete understanding of the universe around us.

And personally, that's where I find some of my favorite coping mechanisms: first, in the knowledge that there's a discovery out there that just might blow my mind tomorrow; and second, that I can go outside and look around and know -- in outline, at least -- how everything works.

Considering how huge the universe is, and how limited a brain I have, I find it a really comforting thought that I can pack a general understanding of all those cubic lightyears into the meat computer balanced on top of my body.
"My faith in the Constitution is whole, it is complete, it is total, and I am not going to sit here and be an idle spectator to the diminution, the subversion, the destruction of the Constitution." -- Barbara Jordan

Offline Rogue

Re: Really, how are we supposed to cope?
« Reply #13 on: July 17, 2020, 11:27:03 AM »
Hi there Rosycheeked-rebel. I'm new to the forum and came across your post. You remind me a lot of myself. I was glad to hear you are doing meditation and mindfulness. If I may suggest, be careful with your thoughts. We constantly have cognitive distortions that make us feel helpless, unloved, and unwanted. Learning to recognize these distortions and kindly rejecting them will help you build resilience. A strong focus on valid premises and sound conclusions helps me too. Here's a link to an excellent article that details the epistemology of cognitive distortions. Check out number 3, Mental Filter and see if your thoughts fit that model if you like. https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/

I hope it's helpful.
Belief in a cruel God makes a crueler man...Thomas Paine