First of all, just to fill you in on my own personal version of crazy, a part of me blames my deconversion for the pandemic. I am a rational person who knows better, but the thought is haunting.
I can understand that because of the power of indoctrination. You had been brainwashed as a child, a simple task since your brain was an empty slate. I experienced the same thing when in my 50s I recognized I was an atheist. After years of struggle, quests to find God, and my own version of souped up apologetics, I just walked away from theism, but I was still afraid of Hell. It makes no rational sense to fear what you do not believe, but it was an emotional leftover from my training as a child. It diminished over a year or two and disappeared.
With all the flim flam artists on evangelical TV claiming with great authority that tornadoes are caused by gays, women addicted to abortions, or whatever thing is pissing them off at the moment, I can understand that many people actually believe that kind of non sequitur, and I can understand it being difficult to shake for a person coming out into the light. But your thoughts will pass if you don't feed them. Also, try to take your ego out of the equation. You are simply not that important or powerful that you can hurl a plague at mankind. You know this of course.
