American Men Having Record Low Amounts of Sex

[Blackleaf]

I decided a few decades ago that the effort of the chase wasn't really worth the catch.  I could say more but I'm probably safer not saying more.  If a real discussion develops about this, I might.

I've always wanted to have a traditional marriage, raise kids, etc. But yeah, relationships have been rather draining, and I'm no happier with them than without them. I've been wondering for a while if it is even worth the effort. Relationships demand nearly all of your free time, much of your money, and much of your energy. You have to constantly be thinking of new things to say and do, because giving the same compliment twice makes it lose its meaning. I've always felt like I was the one doing all the heavy lifting. That's a lot of work just to have them suddenly start giving you the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, being too "sick" or "busy" to spend time with you, until they finally have the balls to break up with you. Am I bitter? Maybe just a little.

[Cavebear]

I've always wanted to have a traditional marriage, raise kids, etc. But yeah, relationships have been rather draining, and I'm no happier with them than without them. I've been wondering for a while if it is even worth the effort. Relationships demand nearly all of your free time, much of your money, and much of your energy. You have to constantly be thinking of new things to say and do, because giving the same compliment twice makes it lose its meaning. I've always felt like I was the one doing all the heavy lifting. That's a lot of work just to have them suddenly start giving you the cold shoulder for no apparent reason, being too "sick" or "busy" to spend time with you, until they finally have the balls to break up with you. Am I bitter? Maybe just a little.

It works that way for both sexes.  Quite frankly, I think that not needing children to support you in your old age has something to do with it.

I'm happy on my own.  And there is a certain easy and relexed enjoyment in a life not requiring someone else to negotiate with about dinner and TV and staying up late and when to go out and where, etc.

[Baruch]

Ancient people not only wanted to be supported in old age, they also wanted to be supported in death.  Offerings at the graves, remembrance.  We used to do that on Memorial Day in the US, as recently as my parent's generation.

[Unbeliever]

Yeah, me too. More trouble than it's worth.

[Minimalist]

A lot of men are assholes and women have become more discerning.

[Baruch]

A lot of men are assholes and women have become more discerning.

Better there not be casual sex ... my generation brought on this STD hell.  Anarchism is human relationships is just ... anarchism.

A lot of women are assholes too.  But you can avoid trouble by not dating or marrying them.  The trick is knowing which ones.

[ParaGoomba Slayer]

I think it's a combination of multiple factors.

The prevalence of internet porn.

The smartphone annihilating society.

Internet dating turning love into a commodity. Dating over the internet is like a fucking job interview now.

Incels taking some grains of truth about nice guys finishing last and blowing them out of proportion and throwing pity parties for themselves and spreading their propaganda to other incels in one big snowball.

Incels assuming that women are only out to rob them of their seed and falsely accuse them of rape.

There is also a pervasive, "filter bubble" that people live in even outside of the internet. Things like Netflix and youtube and video games are built around keeping people engaged with things tailor made for them in a cycle. This seems to extend into the wider society as well. You can simply surround yourself with 100% male Magic: The Gathering players or what have you on every off day you have and rarely encounter women.

Everything in our society is turning into a narcissistic, quick fix. After a while enough of this stuff means that some people don't feel like putting forth effort to do anything. Any tinge of sadness someone may feel may quickly be covered up by grabbing your phone and looking at Facebook.

Among other factors. Additionally, women don't tend to be the pursuers so no one is picking up the slack.


It's only going to get worse. Children raised with tablets and smartphones are going to be even more socially awkward than current generations. Children raised by those children won't fair any better. Would Beethoven have been a composer if he had access to video games or the internet? No.

My grandparents grew up in Italy in the 30's, 40's, and 50's. They tell me of roving bands of men that would play instruments and be invited into stranger's houses to drink and go around serenading women.

[Baruch]

Serenading was part of traditional culture in Latin culture.  Some of my ex's grandparents also came from Italy.  There were great taboos in regard to unmarried people mixing, so there were constructed social occasions to provide that (mixers).  Often dances at regular Catholic festivals/saint's days.  Modern people think they are so superior to our ancestors, because we have cell phones.  I say BS.  Not that everything was good about it ... but that we thru the bambino out with the bath water in the 60s.  We are utterly degenerate now.  This is why Islam (mainly about women) finds us an existential threat to be exterminated.

My own distant Latin culture hails from Iberia and Francia.  Finding out that, thru genetic testing, has changed my relationship with those cultures.  They are no longer "other" vs my N European ancestry.

[Cavebear]

A lot of men are assholes and women have become more discerning.

Well, one might equally say that women are psychologically controlling, want to change all the furniture every couple years, want to change your habits, and are superficial.

Note that I said "one could say"...

[Blackleaf]

Additionally, women don't tend to be the pursuers so no one is picking up the slack.

Hold on. You don't think women are overly attached to their cellphones? This comment seems to give the implication that all the previous problems of society only applies to men. Also, I don't think your assumption that women are not pursuers is well founded. When women see a man that they want, they go out of their way to flirt with him, be close to him, talk to him. They're not as overt about their interest as men are, but they do know how to pursue a man.

[Baruch]

Most men are unattractive to me, same as I think women feel, but then I am a straight man ;-)

[ParaGoomba Slayer]

Hold on. You don't think women are overly attached to their cellphones? This comment seems to give the implication that all the previous problems of society only applies to men. Also, I don't think your assumption that women are not pursuers is well founded. When women see a man that they want, they go out of their way to flirt with him, be close to him, talk to him. They're not as overt about their interest as men are, but they do know how to pursue a man.

Of course women are overly attached to their cell phones. I did not mean to imply that everything on my list applies only to men.

I don't believe you. Sometimes, yes, but usually no. And like you said, it's not as overt as when men ask women out. Maybe as women age they're more likely to be willing to pursue, but men are the pursuers by default.

When I ask a woman out, it's with clear, direct language like, "I think that you're cute, would you like to go out on a date?". Maybe men are too autistic to pick up on certain clues and chase a pixie through the forest. That just seems annoying too, and some men may be reluctant to go on that chase for fear of harassing a woman.

What little pursuing women do is likely reduced drastically by the smartphone and other factors too.

I've stopped asking women out because I still live with my father. I'm also childfree and have herpes and at a certain point it's easier just to give up. The last woman I went out on a date with was also childfree but had dogs instead of children and I'm allergic to dogs and cats so I cut the date short before I could get attached.

There is also the fact that I have herpes but don't know where on my body I have it. So sometimes I have to dodge a kiss on the first date and explain myself.

I got banned from the childfree forums once for stating that there are no childfree women, they just have cats as children, haha.

[Cavebear]

Of course women are overly attached to their cell phones. I did not mean to imply that everything on my list applies only to men.

I don't believe you. Sometimes, yes, but usually no. And like you said, it's not as overt as when men ask women out. Maybe as women age they're more likely to be willing to pursue, but men are the pursuers by default.

When I ask a woman out, it's with clear, direct language like, "I think that you're cute, would you like to go out on a date?". Maybe men are too autistic to pick up on certain clues and chase a pixie through the forest. That just seems annoying too, and some men may be reluctant to go on that chase for fear of harassing a woman.

What little pursuing women do is likely reduced drastically by the smartphone and other factors too.

I've stopped asking women out because I still live with my father. I'm also childfree and have herpes and at a certain point it's easier just to give up. The last woman I went out on a date with was also childfree but had dogs instead of children and I'm allergic to dogs and cats so I cut the date short before I could get attached.

There is also the fact that I have herpes but don't know where on my body I have it. So sometimes I have to dodge a kiss on the first date and explain myself.

I got banned from the childfree forums once for stating that there are no childfree women, they just have cats as children, haha.

There are some posts where you just have to say WTF?!

[Unbeliever]

I've never even heard of Skrillex, but it might be good to play this music on a hot summer day at a picnic:


https://interestingengineering.com/skrillexs-music-can-stop-mosquitos-biting-and-having-sex


I wonder if this stuff is affecting the young men the same way? If they're having less sex, are they also biting less?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJVmu6yttiw

[Baruch]

"Lonely Millennials Are Becoming Friends With Houseplants" ... "she" can't charge you with date-rape, or take all you have in a divorce settlement.  So yes, a rhododendron is better than a girl friend ;-0