Do you have any funny/embarrassing moments you’re willing to share?

Started by Coveny, March 23, 2018, 10:31:05 PM

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Coveny

So I read this article and it’s hilarious: The fart that (almost) altered my destiny. https://annalindthomas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/

o I was wondering if anyone else had any funny/embarrassing stories they would be willing to share?
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Hydra009

I went to a chinese restaurant and had the runs in their bathroom.

Problem is, the smell of it was horrendous enough to cause me to vomit.  I couldn't vomit without crapping and I couldn't crap without vomiting.  It was quite a dilemma.  So I alternated between hugging the porcelain throne and sitting on it, with each option doing increasingly unspeakable things to the floor.  I was pretty much a human fountain for a solid couple minutes.

Fortunately, I had some spare pants in the car for just such an occasion which my friend fetched for me.  Cleanup took a while, though.  The ill-fated pants were promptly thrown in the dumpster and I took a very hot and very long shower asap.

Baruch

Another food disaster.  I was eating an Arby's roast beef sandwich with Horsey sauce (creamy horseradish) ... and I sneezed when a chunk of sandwich was in my mouth.  The suction pulled part of the half eaten sandwich up the back side of my palette (back side of nose) ... and plugged it.  And the Horsey sauce started burning (it was otherwise mild, just not in a place where it belonged).  Anyway, I headed to the men's room, and worked on using suction on the back of my pallete by making a sucky face, until it came out and down my throat where it was supposed to go in the first place.  Eventually mucus flushed out the inflammation of the Horsey sauce on my mucous membranes at the back of my nose.

Never ever take a bite of anything, if you think your next act is a sneeze.  Just stop right there and don't snarf your food!  Can't eat/drink and sneeze at the same time.
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Coveny

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Coveny

Quote from: Cavebear on March 23, 2018, 11:03:57 PM
Nope, had one fer sure, but I am still embarrassed...  It will take at least 10 of you swear "pinky fingers" never to repeat it anywhere.

Let the count begin...  And I'm probably going to regret this...

I make no promises... haha
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Unbeliever

Many years ago, in San Francisco, I tried to climb a cliff just for the fun of it.

There's a little beach somewhere between Golden Gate Park and Baker beach, that you have to go down a cliff trail to get to. I used to go there often, but this time I decided, foolishly, not to go up the trail when I left, but to go straight up the cliff. It looked pretty easy - it was about 80 or so feet high - and I was doing well until I got close to the top, where the soil just kept crumbling every time I tried to get a hand hold, so I couldn't seem to go any higher to finish the climb.

I was trying to decide whether I should try to go back down the way I'd come - I didn't want to do that, since climbing up I could see where to put my hands and feet, but going down I wasn't so sure about that - or to call out for help. I was still about 5 or 6 feet from the top, just hugging the cliff, and there was an oriental couple walking by above me on a walkway, and the look on their faces was priceless! But they just kept going, and I didn't say anything to them. Then a guy came along and asked if I need help, and I said "I surely do!"

Just by coincidence there was a stick I could reach, that was maybe an inch is so thick, that seemed strong enough, and long enough, and he was a big beefy guy who looked like he could pull me up, so I held it up to him and he pulled me the rest of the way to the top. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even get his name or anything, I just left. I did thank him profusely, though, since he may well have saved my life. If I'd tried to back down the cliff I very well could've fallen to my death, or worse, I could've been maimed for life.

God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

Mermaid

I met up with a contractor at a work meeting. He went in to kiss my cheek, Euro-style. I moved my head the wrong way for some reason and we ended up kissing on the lips.
A cynical habit of thought and speech, a readiness to criticise work which the critic himself never tries to perform, an intellectual aloofness which will not accept contact with life’s realities â€" all these are marks, not as the possessor would fain to think, of superiority but of weakness. -TR

Coveny

Quote from: Mermaid on March 24, 2018, 03:23:22 PM
I met up with a contractor at a work meeting. He went in to kiss my cheek, Euro-style. I moved my head the wrong way for some reason and we ended up kissing on the lips.

Reminds me of the whole Katy Perry thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMQBjaZSJWo
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Cavebear

Quote from: Unbeliever on March 24, 2018, 02:13:23 PM
Many years ago, in San Francisco, I tried to climb a cliff just for the fun of it.

There's a little beach somewhere between Golden Gate Park and Baker beach, that you have to go down a cliff trail to get to. I used to go there often, but this time I decided, foolishly, not to go up the trail when I left, but to go straight up the cliff. It looked pretty easy - it was about 80 or so feet high - and I was doing well until I got close to the top, where the soil just kept crumbling every time I tried to get a hand hold, so I couldn't seem to go any higher to finish the climb.

I was trying to decide whether I should try to go back down the way I'd come - I didn't want to do that, since climbing up I could see where to put my hands and feet, but going down I wasn't so sure about that - or to call out for help. I was still about 5 or 6 feet from the top, just hugging the cliff, and there was an oriental couple walking by above me on a walkway, and the look on their faces was priceless! But they just kept going, and I didn't say anything to them. Then a guy came along and asked if I need help, and I said "I surely do!"

Just by coincidence there was a stick I could reach, that was maybe an inch is so thick, that seemed strong enough, and long enough, and he was a big beefy guy who looked like he could pull me up, so I held it up to him and he pulled me the rest of the way to the top. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even get his name or anything, I just left. I did thank him profusely, though, since he may well have saved my life. If I'd tried to back down the cliff I very well could've fallen to my death, or worse, I could've been maimed for life.

That wasn't embarrassing, that was rational.  Falling to your death would have been embarrassing.
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead!

Cavebear

Quote from: Mermaid on March 24, 2018, 03:23:22 PM
I met up with a contractor at a work meeting. He went in to kiss my cheek, Euro-style. I moved my head the wrong way for some reason and we ended up kissing on the lips.

I once kissed my mother right on the lips.  We just moved wrong.  But neither of us made a big deal of it.  Awkward things happen.

Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead!

Cavebear

I can't describe the event.  You'll have to catch me when I've been drinking...  And that isn't tonight, LOL!
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead!

pr126

Cavebear wrote:
QuoteThat wasn't embarrassing, that was rational.  Falling to your death would have been embarrassing.
Wrong. Dead people seldom get embarrassed.

Cavebear

Quote from: pr126 on March 26, 2018, 12:30:20 AM
Cavebear wrote:Wrong. Dead people seldom get embarrassed.

That is actually one of the smartest things you have ever said!  I agree completely.  And I mean no insult at all.
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead!

Unbeliever

Quote from: Cavebear on March 26, 2018, 12:17:10 AM
That wasn't embarrassing, that was rational.  Falling to your death would have been embarrassing.
Yeah, I'd rather die than embarrass myself by falling to my death!
God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

Hydra009

The internet has ruined me.

First off, I've gotta say that I have a pretty dark and twisted sense of humor.  Heavily black and blue.

So I'm around family, browsing reddit and I see that joke about Guy Ferrari.  The one where he slathers BBQ sauce on a bullet, loads it into a revolver, and mutters to himself, "One last trip to Flavortown"

Maybe I was just easily amused that day, but I bust up laughing.  My mom turns around and asks me what I'm laughing at.

OH SHIT.  Gotta lie fast!  I make up some bullshit about a cat licking a deer's face.  She says "that's not very funny".  No shit.

And the thing is, she's the kind of person who gets deeply offended by jokes, so I have to be extra careful around her.  Essentially, Mrs Broflovski  in the flesh.  Makes for some very awkward situations.