Putting the Christ Back in Christian

Started by Blackleaf, December 24, 2017, 04:24:06 PM

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Blackleaf

I was watching a new video by DarkMatter2525 called "The Alt Apostle", and it got me thinking just how many of Jesus teaching Christians conveniently ignore. Funny, they profess that they believe that Jesus was the perfect son of God, yet they disagree with (or conveniently reinterpret) nearly everything the "inerrant Word of God" records him saying. I thought it would be a fun idea to list the number of teaching Christians today do not follow.

Just to be clear, I do not mean to imply that choosing not to follow these teachings is a bad thing. To follow Jesus perfectly would result in a person becoming homeless and hungry, and disassociating oneself from family and friends. There's a reason people don't follow Jesus' teachings: because many of them are self-destructive. Also, I am only going to focus on the teachings of Jesus, not any Old Testament laws or anything else from the New Testament, which Christians also conveniently disregard when convenient. So with that out of the way, here's a list of things I thought of.

1. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called Children of God." Pfft! Nah. We must make war! We must always be at war! War for our independence! War in the Middle East! War around the whole world, twice! War with ourselves! It is God's will (if we win).

2. "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." This motherfucker said on the internet dares to insult me, my political party, and/or my beliefs! I shall show him he's wrong by writing a lengthy mass of expletives with my poor spelling and grammar skills!

3. "If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift." That's okay. I'll just pray about it, and that'll make it okay. I don't need the forgiveness of others; only God. What? You expect me to actually make reparations to earn my sense of peace about my wrongdoing? Get out of here.

4. "Sell everything you have and give it to the poor." You mean you want me to give handouts? No way! If they want money, they should get a job! You expect ME to give away my hard earned money? What are you, a Socialist???

5. "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Huh? What was that? Sorry. I was busy writing an angry comment about how lazy and selfish this new generation is. What a bunch of SJWs Libtards!

6. "Those who visit people in prison visit me." You want me to treat prisoners like people? No way! Prisoners are scum, and they will continue to be scum for the rest of their lives! My tax dollars are wasted giving them free food, shelter, and medical care! They should just be left to rot!

7. "If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; For you will heap burning coals on his head, And the LORD will reward you." Fuck my enemies! My kindness is reserved for the people I like!

8. "I tell you, do not forgive seven times, but seventy-seven times." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

9. "Do not worry about anything. God will provide all your needs." God helps those who help themselves! Also, what if the next Democratic President is the Anti-Christ? Oh, my God! If we don't rally against the Democrats, the end times will happen! We must do everything we can to make the Biblical prophecies wrong! God is powerless against them! Only we can stop them!

10. "The two greatest comments are these: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind, and with all your soul. And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as you love yourself." Don't be silly. The two greatest commandments are don't be gay, and vote Republican!

11. "And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full." We must protect the rights of teachers to force prayer on their students! We must pray before dinner at family gatherings, we must pray at government meetings, we must pray in church for all to hear, because prayer is under attack! Our President better observe the National Day of Prayer!

12. "You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Yeah, yeah. I love mercy and all that bullshit, but I kinda like the sound of that eye for an eye thing. That sounds fair to me. Also, I hope those child rapists get raped in prison.
"Oh, wearisome condition of humanity,
Born under one law, to another bound;
Vainly begot, and yet forbidden vanity,
Created sick, commanded to be sound."
--Fulke Greville--

Baruch

Yeah, that pretty much went out the window with Constantine taking over the Church .... particularly the "blessed are the poor" ... has nothing to do with "spirit", cheapskates!
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Mike Cl

Well done, OP.  No wonder Christians are 'christ'ians and not Jesus-arians.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?

Cavebear

Quote from: Mike Cl on December 24, 2017, 10:14:32 PM
Well done, OP.  No wonder Christians are 'christ'ians and not Jesus-arians.

I gather that there is some difference between a literal "Jesus" and a "Christ" as a part of some 3-deitistic trinity among Christians.  The concept is vague to me personally, but has great differential meaning in some religious subgroups.

PFFFT!!!!! to both sides.  I don't care except inasmuch as the 2 sides ruin our daily lives with such blither... Go kill each other off and leave the rest of us sensible people is peace.

Sorry, I just really get annoyed at theists screaming about which end of the egg to cut.
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead!

Baruch

Quote from: Cavebear on December 26, 2017, 12:04:39 PM
I gather that there is some difference between a literal "Jesus" and a "Christ" as a part of some 3-deitistic trinity among Christians.  The concept is vague to me personally, but has great differential meaning in some religious subgroups.

PFFFT!!!!! to both sides.  I don't care except inasmuch as the 2 sides ruin our daily lives with such blither... Go kill each other off and leave the rest of us sensible people is peace.

Sorry, I just really get annoyed at theists screaming about which end of the egg to cut.

Then be a vegan if you want ;-)  No eggs for you.
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Gawdzilla Sama

We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Baruch

Quote from: Gawdzilla Sama on December 26, 2017, 01:20:51 PM
Never met a Christian.

There is a whole swarm of different Constantinian tribes though.
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Unbeliever

#7
I'm occasionally (not often!) asked by a Christian to pray with them, and I always point out that Jesus told us, in no uncertain terms, not to pray in public. That gets me out of having to pray with them, but it doesn't keep them from continuing to pray in public. Oh well, we do what we can. They seem to love being in the spotlight, and praying gets them there most every time.

Good thread Blackleaf! I wonder just which commandments of Jesus they actually do obey?


Here is what Answers in Genesis has to say about it - typical double-speak:

https://answersingenesis.org/contradictions-in-the-bible/should-christians-pray-in-public-or-not/
God Not Found
"There is a sucker born-again every minute." - C. Spellman

fencerider

I dont know what the diffference between a Paulitarian or a Christian or a Jesusian is, but Blackleaf is hilarious. I think you got it right on... maybe we should add some more hijinks to the list.

Give and it shall be given unto you

If you have two coats and you see that your neighbor has none give him one of your coats.

Vengence is mine...
"Do you believe in god?", is not a proper English sentence. Unless you believe that, "Do you believe in apple?", is a proper English sentence.

SGOS

A good part of being Christian is pure ego trip centered around being an exemplary good person.  The mechanics of the psychology involved seem to be centered around the notions of Christian/good, Other/bad.  You profess to be a Christian and people automatically place you in the "good" category.  The actual details and expectations of living up to the Christian image are less important than the actual classification, and even overlooked by others as unavoidable slips do to mankind's sinful nature.  You can murder another person and be forgiven, but only if you are a Christian.  If you are not a Christian, there is no forgiveness.  And in my indoctrination, simply not being a Christian is the biggest sin of all, worse than stealing, lying, raping, and killing.  Go directly to Hell.  Do not pass Go.  You are automatic "toast".

Baruch

Quote from: SGOS on December 28, 2017, 08:27:50 AM
A good part of being Christian is pure ego trip centered around being an exemplary good person.  The mechanics of the psychology involved seem to be centered around the notions of Christian/good, Other/bad.  You profess to be a Christian and people automatically place you in the "good" category.  The actual details and expectations of living up to the Christian image are less important than the actual classification, and even overlooked by others as unavoidable slips do to mankind's sinful nature.  You can murder another person and be forgiven, but only if you are a Christian.  If you are not a Christian, there is no forgiveness.  And in my indoctrination, simply not being a Christian is the biggest sin of all, worse than stealing, lying, raping, and killing.  Go directly to Hell.  Do not pass Go.  You are automatic "toast".

This is an extension of Greco-Roman particularism.  There are Greeks, the rest are Barbarians (savages).  The Latins were barbarians to the Greeks, until the they adopted Greek culture.  As did the Macedonian barbarians before them.  The Latins of course were conveyers of Greek culture, in Latin form, and law & order.  Do what we Romans say (that is the law).  Don't do that, and that is disorder, and we destroy you.
Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Gawdzilla Sama

We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Baruch

Ha’át’íísh baa naniná?
Azee’ Å,a’ish nanídį́į́h?
Táadoo ánít’iní.
What are you doing?
Are you taking any medications?
Don't do that.

Blackleaf

Quote from: SGOS on December 28, 2017, 08:27:50 AM
A good part of being Christian is pure ego trip centered around being an exemplary good person.  The mechanics of the psychology involved seem to be centered around the notions of Christian/good, Other/bad.  You profess to be a Christian and people automatically place you in the "good" category.  The actual details and expectations of living up to the Christian image are less important than the actual classification, and even overlooked by others as unavoidable slips do to mankind's sinful nature.  You can murder another person and be forgiven, but only if you are a Christian.  If you are not a Christian, there is no forgiveness.  And in my indoctrination, simply not being a Christian is the biggest sin of all, worse than stealing, lying, raping, and killing.  Go directly to Hell.  Do not pass Go.  You are automatic "toast".

Hell, when a pastor, priest, or other type of "holy" man is accused of child rape, the church more often rallies around their religious leader and blames the child. I knew a girl who went through that experience. Family values my ass.
"Oh, wearisome condition of humanity,
Born under one law, to another bound;
Vainly begot, and yet forbidden vanity,
Created sick, commanded to be sound."
--Fulke Greville--

Gawdzilla Sama

Quote from: SGOS on December 28, 2017, 08:27:50 AM
A good part of being Christian is pure ego trip centered around being an exemplary good person.  The mechanics of the psychology involved seem to be centered around the notions of Christian/good, Other/bad.  You profess to be a Christian and people automatically place you in the "good" category.  The actual details and expectations of living up to the Christian image are less important than the actual classification, and even overlooked by others as unavoidable slips do to mankind's sinful nature.  You can murder another person and be forgiven, but only if you are a Christian.  If you are not a Christian, there is no forgiveness.  And in my indoctrination, simply not being a Christian is the biggest sin of all, worse than stealing, lying, raping, and killing.  Go directly to Hell.  Do not pass Go.  You are automatic "toast".
Yep, be in the in-group or be hated. It's simpler for people to say they're christian than to live like a Christian.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers