Guy sends dick pic, girl tells his mom

[Jason78]

If they were emotionally healthy people with good character, then I would not be rejecting them!

If you really believe that, then you've got a LOT to learn about relationships and what makes any two people a good match for one another.

I was pointing out the absurdity of your suggesting that the way to avoid a hostile reaction from rejecting people who are lacking in character was to raise my standards.  I already have acceptable standards and someone that act with hostility towards me because of rejection would not meet them.  Unfortunately, there's no way to tell who's going to be an arsehole until you meet someone and interact.  Then if they don't meet your standards, you will end up rejecting them.

It does happen, so you should expect it, not accept it.

If you say so. Next time someone you love gets raped, take that you should expect it, not accept it attitude with them and see how it works out for you.

It does happen and if you use dating apps like that then it's going to happen.  You should be aware of what goes on so that you can prepare and protect yourself.

For example, if someone posted a thinly veiled threat about raping my loved ones, I'd make sure my loved ones had a rape alarm and pepper spray.

This was an unsolicited sexual advance. No it wasn't rape. But I can assure you if this douche nozzle had decided to show himself naked in the flesh to some woman in a bar, he would have ended up arrested and rightly so.

I agree with all of the above quote.  Although I have seen a guy get his cock out in a bar, and everyone just laughed.  I've seen a woman get her boobs out in a bar as well and everyone cheered.

The fact that he did it on a website DOES NOT CHANGE ANYTHING. Read that last bit over and over until it makes sense to you.

I don't agree with this bit.  A picture of a gun is not the same as waving a gun around in a bar.

[Jason78]

I'm guessing the basic idea is that anyone who isn't emotionally stable and good of character should not be someone you should bother with. It might not be the only criteria, but it is a required criteria.

How do you tell who that's going to be?  Obviously if it were possible to spot a douchebag before they acted like a douchebag then the woman in the OP wouldn't have had to deal with that guy in the first place.

[Plu]

You won't be able to tell on first interaction, usually. So if they immediately start acting like a douche from the word 'go' you're kinda stuck with it. Generally it's easy enough to ignore them at this point, though.

Often it kinda shows after a few minutes of interaction if someone is going to be a douche. That's usually long before you get to the point where someone can be 'rejected' by simply not talking to them anymore.

Of course, take my advice at your own peril. I have very high standards for people I deal with.

[Johan]

If they were emotionally healthy people with good character, then I would not be rejecting them!

If you really believe that, then you've got a LOT to learn about relationships and what makes any two people a good match for one another.

I was pointing out the absurdity of your suggesting that the way to avoid a hostile reaction from rejecting people who are lacking in character was to raise my standards.  

Avoiding hostile rejections is not why I suggested you raise  your standards and nothing I've written indicates that I think doing one will get you the other. I suggested you raise your standards because doing so would cause you to end up losing that 'what's the big deal? It happens so you just expect it and accept it. Its hard out there for guys and girls should just relax about it' attitude you've got. I suggested it because I think better things would happen for you down the road if you lost that attitude. Just a suggestion based on my own life experience. Take it or leave it. But don't read more into it than what's there.

[WitchSabrina]

Avoiding hostile rejections is not why I suggested you raise  your standards and nothing I've written indicates that I think doing one will get you the other. I suggested you raise your standards because doing so would cause you to end up losing that 'what's the big deal? It happens so you just expect it and accept it. Its hard out there for guys and girls should just relax about it' attitude you've got. I suggested it because I think better things would happen for you down the road if you lost that attitude. Just a suggestion based on my own life experience. Take it or leave it. But don't read more into it than what's there.

To me that gets into personal choice and style.  Some will often say "meh - just accept it" (aka don't let it bother you) while some will have higher expectations and certain things will bother them.  I see both attitudes as useful.  Its good to have part of society go "meh - whatever" because we don't want every single person out there being manic day in and day out.  BUT its good to have people who'll be bothered and hold higher standards/expect/want more.....cause that sort always pushes the envelop.
To me
you are both right.

 :)

[Solitary]

Oh my favorite Witch, I didn't know you were a politician that is smarter than the average.  =D>  Solitary

[Nonsensei]

To be fair to Nonsensei I'm pretty sure the latter part was sarcasm, and that he was mocking the minority of feminists who feel that way, stating that this is not what women's power and feminism is about.

Well its a relief someone took that the way i intended it. I supposed I should have added some emoticons. Probably could have worded it better too. As you said there are a minority of feminists who feel that way. But theres no greater tool for making a minority seem like the majority than the internet. Its a lot like Islam in that way I guess. The people blowing up buildings get noticed.

Still, I do actually feel that this guy didn't quite deserve what he got simply because she could have instantly ended the conversation. Instead she lingered in a situation she supposedly didn't want to be a part of and attempted to tell him off. In any other situation on the internet this would be what is known as feeding the troll.

Yeah, I guess I feel this way precisely because this happened on the internet. Its just not quite the same as a guy whipping his dick out in person. You browse the internet for any extended amount of time and you will inadvertently see a penis. Thats just the way it is.

Whenever I evaluate these situations I usually like to reverse the genders. What happens if a girl thrusts her vagina at the camera and the offended guy tells her mom? Maybe the same thing happens. But maybe the guy gets some flak too, either for not being enough of a dudebro and acting like he liked what he saw  "what are you bro, gay?" or perhaps being accused of somehow soliciting it because a girl would never do that. The young woman in this article got a mix of support and detraction for what she did, but if the genders were reversed I doubt the guy would have any support at all.

In the end I think its a whole lot of rigmarole for something that could quite easily have been ignored. I have very little sympathy for people whose sensibilities are affronted and nothing more. Show me some tangible lasting harm and I will start to give a shit.

I was also annoyed at the article in the OP for mentioning that fucking absurdity involving Adria Richards at the tech conference as though it were another shining example of feminists standing up to the male oppressors. I thought donglegate was a horrible excercise in overbearing zealotry which resulted in a man with three kids losing his job for some minor social infraction not even directed at or intended for the "offended" party.

Seeing that the author of the article considered this incident to be comparable to donglegate put me in a bias against it right off the bat.

[Johan]

It might be different because its on the net to you. But if I had a daughter, I'm pretty sure I would be just as ready to track down and seriously harm any dude who showed my daughter his junk unsolicited in person as I would if he did it over the net in a private chat session.

Searching for a new blender on craigslist? Sure, you should expect to click on the occasional ad and end up seeing a pic of some dudes junk. In a private one on one chat? No sir. It every bit as much of a disrespectful violation on the net as it is in person under those conditions.

[La Dolce Vita]

Violence for showing your daughter his penis? Why? Because she's a weak pathetic woman that can't handle anything or stand up for herself. Seriously, can we stop this? I find the daughter protection quite sick, and utterly disrespectful to every woman on earth. Sorry, but this woman stood up for herself just fine, and she never had to result to any violence. Why violence? I'm hoping your just using hyperbole, cause fuck violent punishment for non-violent crimes!

And come on now, social conventions aside, bodies and body parts aren't dangerous. Not that I personally want nudists everywhere, but if we toss away current social rules there's no logical reason why not. Fear of genetelia is just really, really silly.

The guy in question here was a rude abusive ass though, and I'm glad he got served.

[Nonsensei]

It might be different because its on the net to you. But if I had a daughter, I'm pretty sure I would be just as ready to track down and seriously harm any dude who showed my daughter his junk unsolicited in person as I would if he did it over the net in a private chat session.

Sorry but that makes you sound like a bit of a psycho. If some adware redirects your daughter to a live porn session with a guy showing his junk are you gonna go track down the guy who wrote the adware and beat the shit out of him? The internet is not real life. I don't care what your method of interface is. Its just images on a screen be it real time or recorded.

Searching for a new blender on craigslist? Sure, you should expect to click on the occasional ad and end up seeing a pic of some dudes junk. In a private one on one chat? No sir. It every bit as much of a disrespectful violation on the net as it is in person under those conditions.

I can't agree. It just isn't the same. First of all there is absolutely no threat whatsoever. That alone is an enormous difference. The problem with whipping your dick out in public is that people become worried about what you're going to use it for. Don't have to give a shit about that in the safety of your own home. The technology to rape via monitor hasn't been invented yet so we are still in the clear. Second, as I've said plenty of times now, its a thousand times easier to click an X and end the encounter than it is to simply walk away in person. After all he could follow you in person, but not on the internet.

In the end you're looking at a live feed of someones dick. A live feed you can terminate at will and which is of no real threat to anything but your sensibilities and, as ive stated before, I don't give a fuck about peoples sensibilities unless they are tied to real lasting harm. Your fictional reaction seems like coddling to me and is overbearing.

[Johan]

Sorry but that makes you sound like a bit of a psycho. If some adware redirects your daughter to a live porn session with a guy showing his junk are you gonna go track down the guy who wrote the adware and beat the shit out of him?

Of course not. That would be ridiculous. I think you need to pay close attention to the words I used in my post because I used those words for a reason. I said that I'd be ready to track the guy down and hurt him. I didn't say that I would. I know that its reasonable to assume from what I wrote that I would actually go hurt the guy, but that's not the case. Though I didn't make it nearly clear enough in my post, what I meant was that I would be mad enough to want to track the guy down and hurt him. I doubt I would ever do it because there is no real upside in it. But I'd want to none the less.

I can't agree. It just isn't the same. First of all there is absolutely no threat whatsoever.

A threat is not required for one to feel violated. I've had many careers, truck driving among them. Once way back when I was driving out on Long Island. I had made a delivery or pickup (don't recall which) in a small town half way out on the island. I left the stop and got on the highway heading home. It was a weekend morning and there was very little traffic. I'm running along and I see a car roll up behind me, move to the passing lane and start to over take me. I see the car rolling up along side the trailer in my mirror. Then out of the corner of my eye I see its right next to me. Then I notice it isn't passing me anymore, rather its rolling along right next to my door at the same speed I'm going. So I turn my head and look down at the car. Because I'm in a truck and trucks sit up higher than cars, I'm looking down at his vehicle. I can't see the driver's face but I can see his lower body. And therefore I can see that this person is rolling along right beside me holding the wheel with one hand and stroking his erect dick with the other. He is driving right next to me because he obviously wants me to see this.

Now I ask you, was there any threat to me in that situation? Of course not. But I double dog dare you to try and tell me that I should have expected it or that I'm wrong to feel violated because of what that asshole did. You might convince yourself but you won't convince me. Disrespect is disrespect. Period. Threat or no threat. Internet or live. It is someone victimizing someone else and it is unacceptable.