Author Topic: Depression that may not be depression  (Read 141 times)

Depression that may not be depression
« on: April 17, 2017, 12:12:15 AM »
I suffer daily from suicidal thoughts. I've been this way since I can remember. I remember being a little kid and always having low self-esteem, low confidence, self-hatred, and always leaning towards the negative side.

However, I think my life as an adult shows that I have sound reasons to desire death. I won't go through them all, but it involves my utter defectiveness in every aspect of my existence, from my ability to achieve the lowest of goals, to making friends and maintaining friendships, to gaining and maintaining employment, to school, to women, etc...

I don't think I suffer from depression. It is just that I can't stand who I am, and I just wish my life were over.

My favorite time is when I'm asleep. It is as close to non-existence as it gets, and I really love it. It is the utter absence of having to deal with anything or anyone in life. It is peaceful and comfortable. Life is nothing but pain from the moment my eyes open to the moment I shut them again.

Just to make things clear, I'm suicidal at the moment. Though I am very down in the dumps. I'm just posting for catharsis.




Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2017, 12:13:14 AM »
Sorry, I posted this in the wrong forum. Someone please move it.

Offline Draconic Aiur

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2017, 03:29:04 AM »
I suffer daily from suicidal thoughts. I've been this way since I can remember. I remember being a little kid and always having low self-esteem, low confidence, self-hatred, and always leaning towards the negative side.

However, I think my life as an adult shows that I have sound reasons to desire death. I won't go through them all, but it involves my utter defectiveness in every aspect of my existence, from my ability to achieve the lowest of goals, to making friends and maintaining friendships, to gaining and maintaining employment, to school, to women, etc...

I don't think I suffer from depression. It is just that I can't stand who I am, and I just wish my life were over.

My favorite time is when I'm asleep. It is as close to non-existence as it gets, and I really love it. It is the utter absence of having to deal with anything or anyone in life. It is peaceful and comfortable. Life is nothing but pain from the moment my eyes open to the moment I shut them again.

Just to make things clear, I'm suicidal at the moment. Though I am very down in the dumps. I'm just posting for catharsis.





Masturbate, smoke weed, drink alcohol, get yourself some favorite food, watch movies or play games literally anything to get yourself from making the decision to kill yourself ASAP!

Offline Baruch

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #3 on: April 17, 2017, 05:19:05 AM »
Get more sleep (obviously you have lack of sleep or poor quality sleep.  Your body is telling you something.  And see a doctor.
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Offline AllPurposeAtheist

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2017, 09:19:00 AM »
I've been going through this suicidal shit since I was a kid and now at 57 going on 58 I still go through it, but now I'm much more reasonable about it. It took awhile, but I figured out that not every single breathing second of life sucks as much as others. Some are downright pleasant. When I feel suicidal now I just wait until I'm not. I also came to the realization that I'm much closer to just dying from old age than ever. I inch every so closer every second.
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Online Sorginak

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2017, 09:36:12 AM »
Masturbate, smoke weed, drink alcohol, get yourself some favorite food, watch movies or play games literally anything to get yourself from making the decision to kill yourself ASAP!

Alcohol is a depressant.  I would not suggest that.
Religion is primitive, inventive nonsense.

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2017, 03:15:48 PM »
Alcohol is a depressant.  I would not suggest that.

It numbs you and improves your mood. So it can help.

Online aitm

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2017, 03:24:52 PM »
I suffer daily from suicidal thoughts. I've been this way since I can remember. I remember being a little kid and always having low self-esteem, low confidence, self-hatred, and always leaning towards the negative side.

However, I think my life as an adult shows that I have sound reasons to desire death. I won't go through them all, but it involves my utter defectiveness in every aspect of my existence, from my ability to achieve the lowest of goals, to making friends and maintaining friendships, to gaining and maintaining employment, to school, to women, etc...

I don't think I suffer from depression. It is just that I can't stand who I am, and I just wish my life were over.

My favorite time is when I'm asleep. It is as close to non-existence as it gets, and I really love it. It is the utter absence of having to deal with anything or anyone in life. It is peaceful and comfortable. Life is nothing but pain from the moment my eyes open to the moment I shut them again.

Just to make things clear, I'm suicidal at the moment. Though I am very down in the dumps. I'm just posting for catharsis.


Post away! You will not get any right answers, most will be useless, but by all means continue to post. As you say..it is indeed a catharsis. This is why  confession is so helpful to those who need it. Radio talk shows are very helpful to people who want to unload in an anonymous way. Keep posting and fuck anybody who tells you otherwise. Keep posting until you get tired of it.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

Offline Cavebear

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #8 on: April 21, 2017, 05:58:57 AM »
Everyone has something bothering their thoughts.  I have a fear of heights and also tight spaces.  I think mine make sense (both can kill you).  Other people have other fears.  I had a co-worker afraid of cats (anyone been attacked by a cat?) and one you feared open spaces )afraid of falling off the ground).

Some fears are rational, some are not.
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead

Offline Mr.Obvious

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2017, 06:41:45 AM »
Masturbate, smoke weed, drink alcohol, get yourself some favorite food, watch movies or play games literally anything to get yourself from making the decision to kill yourself ASAP!

Or, @MyelinSheath , go for a jog or something.
I think you are thinking too much, experiencing too little.
A dead mind does not worry, true. But neither does a preoccupied one, and it can be potentially much more enjoyable.

You'll be dead soon enough. Like the rest of us.
Might as well try this limited offer for as long as it lasts.
E = Mc²

In the end, we are all standing in the dark,
trying to figure out why we are here.
But let us not choose one direction
without proof of where it is headed.

Check your pocket for matches
so we can observe and learn together
as fast friends and relative idiots.

Offline Sal1981

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2017, 06:44:09 AM »
After 4 admissions to a mental institution, I can say, live in the moment, because that's only thing that's true - albeit it never lasts, nothing does.
"The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool" --- Richard P. Feynman

Offline AllPurposeAtheist

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2017, 06:50:54 AM »
It numbs you and improves your mood. So it can help.
Till you wake up with a hangover..
Alcohol impairs your judgment and if you're suicidal even minor annoyances can seem like a good reason to kill yourself.. Alcohol is one of the worst substances for dealing with depression.
I've been through it in spades.. You might as well suggest playing with guns, razor blades and new rope.. 
All hail my new signature!

Admit it. You're secretly green with envy.

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2017, 09:11:59 AM »
Till you wake up with a hangover..
Alcohol impairs your judgment and if you're suicidal even minor annoyances can seem like a good reason to kill yourself.. Alcohol is one of the worst substances for dealing with depression.
I've been through it in spades.. You might as well suggest playing with guns, razor blades and new rope..

I'm not suggesting he drink himself into a coma. One glass of wine with dinner won't hurt. Just enough to get a slight buzz, without the loss of self-control or hangover in the morning.

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2017, 10:19:11 AM »
Yours is not a depression, it's existential crisis.

i propose you search it.

Offline Baruch

Re: Depression that may not be depression
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2017, 11:29:59 AM »
Yours is not a depression, it's existential crisis.

i propose you search it.

Kierkegaard ... theistic existentialism
Sartre ... atheist existentialism

Consciousness is a sustained pragmatic hysteria, from the moment you go thru labor with your mother.  Sometimes someone needs to slap you to sensibility, initially the delivery doctor, later .. other people.
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