I've always been depressed, lazy, and incompetent. I'm never happy, and I never accomplish anything. I hate work, and I hate dealing with people. I also struggle to solve basic problems and perform basic feats of thinking. All I ever want to do is lay in bed and ponder, just dwell on whatever the thought is for that day.
There's also a side of me who wants to desperately to be educated and to accomplish great things. For the past five years or so (and to a large extent all my life, but especially in the past five years) I've wanted to attend a prestigious school, become very well-educated, start a great career, etc... but the time has obviously past for me. I'm 26 years old and I'm just too old for the college thing.
I currently attend a community college that I barely stay afloat at. My mind always wants to think that I can succeed with anything, but when it gets down to actually doing it, I fail every single time. I have an extensive record of failing grades going all the way back to kindergarten.
In high school I barely passed. I think my GPA was 1.6. My teachers passed me with Ds because they didn't want to have me again.
After high school I went to this local crappy university near my home because it was the only place I could get into (and only as a conditional admit). I spent three years there and never made it beyond freshman status because I flunked every single class. I was eventually kicked out permanently due to failing grades.
After this I spent four years working dead end jobs until I had the epiphany that education is what I wanted, and I decided I would turn it all around, go back to college (somewhere), make an outstanding performance, and succeed for once in my life, so I enrolled in the community college I'm currently attending.
This plan went well for the first couple of semesters. Now I'm back to the same old stuff. The material is getting more challenging, and I can't seem to hold my own with it.
I was 24 when I enrolled here, and my plan at the time was to spend two years at this community college, make outstanding grades, and transfer to a prestigious college, whichever one would take me. But now I've seen that rising to such a challenge is not something I'm capable of doing.
Now I'm 26, which is too old to even try for this goal anymore, and its not even looking like I'll be able to attend even a less prestigious university.
I don't know why I'm so incompetent and incapable of basic accomplishments. I mean, I'm further behind even the ditziest dumb blondes I went to high school with. Everyone else I know has either finished college or learned a useful trade that is making them sucessful. I still live at home and have no skills, apparently no education (as I can't even survive basic college courses), and no glimpse of hope in tackling any of my goals/dreams. I'm too old to do them by this poit as well.
I've also tested my IQ before and I always test around 85-90. It appears that I'm just a defective brain, stuck in the dungeons of incompetence forever.