Author Topic: 26 year old virgin.  (Read 272 times)

26 year old virgin.
« on: March 15, 2017, 05:12:52 AM »
I don't like to think of myself as a "snowflake" or as a victim, but I can't help but notice that I'm different from most everyone I've ever known. This topic is difficult for me to address because I find that no one ever understands what I'm talking about. Most people have no clue what I'm talking about when I say I'm awkward, and that I've never spoken to women, and that I've never had a girlfriend. They think I'm exaggerating like most people do. They don't understand the extent of these issues or just how serious I am.

I'll try to give a description of myself here, and hopefully the people here will not take loosely what I'm saying. I'm awkward, and kind of low on intelligence if I'm honest. I've never spoken to a girl outside of the trivial (like saying "pardon me" when walking past and ordering food). I'm physically unattractive, and most of all, I have a pretty pathetic personality. I'm weird in ways that defy explanation (both in terms of looks and personality). I'm just not the type of person for anyone. No one has basic respect for me, even if they're a new person I've never met before. It's weird and depressing.

I've mostly accepted that I'll never be liked by women, or experience what everyone else gets to experience. I just wondered if anyone else here has ever known anyone like me? I've never known of anyone else like me. Everyone else has at least had one relationship and at least kissed. I always look at my 8 year old nephew and think, "He'll lose his virginity before I do." I'm virtually certain to never lose mine.

Offline Mr.Obvious

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2017, 05:57:28 AM »
Welcome to our little band of heathens.

I wouldn't be able to comment on your appearance or social skills. Though, you seem rather well-spoken enough.

At the risk of my words being ham-handed and void...

All I can say, from your introduction, is that you seem to think negatively of yourself. If you do, you'll communicate that to the rest of the world. It's after-school special crap, I know, but you got to respect yourself before others will respect you. You gotta become confident in that you're worthwhile, if you want others to think you're worthwhile.

From age (about) 10 to (about) 17 I was quite obese, obnoxious, convinced I was unlike anyone else, antisocial,  didn't put any thought in my outerward appearance and was convinced that who I was, would never change. I was rather depressed, obsessed with my 'oh-aren't-I-so-tortured' attitude and both desperate for validation of others as well as disdainful to their opinions. It made for a needy, angry mixture that wasn't fun for anyone.

Now, I have basic respect for you. I do. And maybe my experiences don't wholly translate to yours. But why I mention them, is that it's important you need to switch your mind-set and break this negative spiral. The first step to accepting you can become better, is accepting that there are things you need to work on. (For me, this took the longest of time to accept. As I was pretty convinced I was great, despite it all.)
If you're not impressed with your own looks and physique; don't just accept it. Start exercising, diëting, following dressing and fashion shows on tv (if that's what it takes), concider mixing up your hair, ... whatever.
If you feel like you're not striking a significant impression or are feeling depressed; don't just accept it. Go take a course on assertivity. Join a self-help program. Take therapy if need be, there's no shame in it. Put out small goals like; going to new places twice a week or making a passing remark about the weather to a shopkeep.
If you feel like you're not intelligent; don't just accept it. Start reading more books. Take a class or an online course. Take a newspaper or national geographic membership. ... There are plenty of things you can do.

The important thing is that you set goals for yourself and celebrate your journey towards them. Take small steps, don't overreach. Plotting this out and staying aware of every small thing you do, every book you read, every jog you take, every soda you pass up for water, every conversation you spark, is an enormous help in changing your mindset and thus how you communicate yourself to the outside world. From toiling in helplesness, you transform yourself into your own architect. You acknowledge where you are, that takes guts, and you are the reason why it keeps improving, bit by bit. It keeps you busy. It keeps your mind off bad thoughts. And you'll find, in time, that people will treat you better. They will respect you, because you respect you.

Again, sorry if this is not helpful. But I can only advise this, reading your post. Think big, yet start small.
« Last Edit: March 15, 2017, 06:52:21 AM by Mr.Obvious »
E = Mc²

In the end, we are all standing in the dark,
trying to figure out why we are here.
But let us not choose one direction
without proof of where it is headed.

Check your pocket for matches
so we can observe and learn together
as fast friends and relative idiots.

Offline Draconic Aiur

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2017, 06:38:31 AM »
HA! im a 27 year old virgin!! I WIN!

Offline SGOS

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2017, 06:53:18 AM »
Welcome to the forum.  There have been a few women in the forum.  Most have left, and those that remain don't show up much.  So don't feel bad.  You will relate well with the forum. 

Offline Baruch

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2017, 07:22:47 AM »
You aren't alone ... you just think you are special enough to be unique.  Got propositioned by gay men twice in my life (the only one's who considered me attractive).  And frankly, no man can be compared to even an ugly woman (it is just my hormones speaking).  Other than hand me the Kinsey book when I was 14, my parents didn't educate me.  Playboy magazine did.  I didn't have a relationship with a woman until I was 27.  Count yourself lucky so far.  Geeky men obsess about this subject though, consider women to be stuck up bitches.  Well, they are, sometimes.  I was married for 17 years, and wouldn't miss doing that.  I love women, but they are a major pain to deal with.  If you want a relationship, you need to take up fishing ... it is very similar to dating, even the smell.
שלום

Offline Munch

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2017, 10:06:06 AM »
I was 25 when I lost mine, and I mean the proper way. My first boyfriend when I was 20, he was a little on the large size, so didn't get anywhere.

Offline Sorginak

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2017, 10:14:28 AM »
I was twenty-one when I lost my virginity.  It was my first time in a gay club and I still did not drink alcohol at the time.  The guy I went home with, however, was drunk. 
When I feel weak, I prefer to make myself stronger through introspection rather than resort to religion.

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2017, 12:19:09 PM »
OP, upside, no STDs.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2017, 12:56:14 PM »
First off, love your username.

2nd: there is no shame in being a virgin, even at your age. I don't know why people play up losing your virginity as some sort of life experience everyone MUST experience, but honestly after you've had sex more than once it's not as special as it's played up to be.

Really though, to be blunt: losing your virginity shouldn't be the goal. I don't mean you shouldn't want it, but rather your goal should be to be comfortable with yourself and find people that you're comfortable with. Things like losing your virginity usually happen organically, if you try to plan it out and only befriend someone because you want sex it will only end in sadness . Also, don't worry about being good at sex, I've had several terrible lays and the most common thing among them was either they didn't seem comfortable with themselves or they didn't communicate.
Some people need to be beaten with a smart stick.

Kein Mehrheit Fur Die Mitleid!

Kein Mitlied F�r Die Mehrheit!

Offline Solomon Zorn

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2017, 01:47:55 PM »
Love is hard to find, but sex...if you really just want to experience a woman's body, consider paying for it. Even in the small town I live in, there are some attractive prostitutes. If you tell her it's your first time, maybe she will give you the "special" treatment. But be sure to use a rubber.
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2017, 02:35:43 PM »
Love is hard to find, but sex...if you really just want to experience a woman's body, consider paying for it. Even in the small town I live in, there are some attractive prostitutes. If you tell her it's your first time, maybe she will give you the "special" treatment. But be sure to use a rubber.
And for a low-risk "fun time" massage parlors are ... handy.
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers

Online PickelledEggs

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #11 on: March 15, 2017, 02:41:58 PM »
I'm the most ugly looking person on the planet, so you're fine.

Welcome to the forum!
"Tell Pilate to release the files!!!" - Bill Hicks
"I have an open mind, but not so open that my brains will fall out" -James Randi
"One who truly hates himself cannot love, he cannot place his trust in another." - NGE

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #12 on: March 15, 2017, 03:29:29 PM »
This is quite an unusual intro thread.  There must be more to you, where do you come from, what do you like, are you an atheist?   
Please don't take anything I say seriously.

Offline Solomon Zorn

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #13 on: March 15, 2017, 03:52:00 PM »
This is quite an unusual intro thread.  There must be more to you, where do you come from, what do you like, are you an atheist?   
And, of course, do you intend to make a second post?
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com

Offline Solomon Zorn

Re: 26 year old virgin.
« Reply #14 on: March 15, 2017, 08:25:35 PM »
Just one more point about pussy for pay:
If God Exists, Why Does He Pretend Not to Exist?
Poetry and Proverbs of the Uneducated Hick

http://www.solomonzorn.com