Seraphims and Cherubims

[etienne (OP)]

Yes, and I always get so confused as to 'seraphims' and 'cherubims'(try saying that one 3 times fast, wow, what a tongue twister).  'Seraphims' have, like, Saran Wrap for wings, right, and 'cherubims' are like super chubby li'l babies with curly white hair, I think--also, with the obligatory wings.  They live in the clouds, or stand on top of them or something, which begs the question, "why do they need the wings"?  But it's good that they stay in the clouds, because I wouldn't want one a them comin' on down yonder har' and taking my goddang pet angel's JAWB!  That would be far worse than an invasion of the alleged, 'Alien Anchor Babies'!

It is said they they exist in a hierarchy with other angels of their stock and trade, but they themselves like to refer to it as their 'Li'l ol' Collective'.  If I'm not mistaken, the 'Collective' spend most or all of their time singing in a blissful choir and they perform(for free of charge of course since, like on Earth, nobody in the entire known Universe likes to pay for music) like at some Etheric Disco where they dance and dance some more , Euro-Techno style, and drink booze and laugh and partay and all in all have a ghey ol' time, which is not to say they ARE ghey, no, not ghey at all!  They are putting out some MP3 singles soon, to try and make some $ to support there insatiable booze habit.  And they make their 'Big ol' Daddy' smile! 

The reason they do so much singing is, well, they likey to sing, ALOT--and who wouldn't(?)--AND, they haven't much else to do as since they, and 'Dad', are omniscient, they therefore are not omnipotent:  everything's already happened.  That's why they basically have to ignore and/or deflect all the billions of telepathic text messages they receive from one planet earth every damn day--it can be pretty annoying when you are rehearsing...in the choir(I speculate that the reason they sing so much is to ameliorate the frustration they fell for not being able to intervene in the tragedy of human affairs).  A few of them, the especially gifted and intelligent ones, also play these cra'y, twinkley toned string instruments called 'harps'.  How weird is that?

One day, 'Dad's' fav seraphim accidentally got tangled up in her/his plastic wings and smothered her/himself to death and the entire choir almost lost it, SO HAZ SADFACE! :(  And they say the rivers of tears raining down from their collective eyes pretty much flooded out the entire Noah's Ark Theme Park in Southern Kentucky(USA)--and took out a bunch of tourists and their kids and PET DOGS!  How could 'Dad' let this happen, who kills DOGS, for gawd's sake?!  But, as explained above, 'Dad' saw it coming but could do absolutely nothing to stop it(well, 'Dad', hasn't stopped any bad stuff on earth for, like, EVAR!)

But those incredibly cute and normally cheerful li'l angels just kept keeping on, 'soldiering' thru the pain and loss of their sister/brother--even though they have no evolved nervous system--and sang SO HARD for the longest time over there fallen angel buddy that they say, if you go out into the wee hours of the night, and close your eyes and listen real hard, you can almost hear those 'heavenly' tones.... ;)

[Solomon Zorn]

This post reminds me, just a little, of my own excursion into...I don't know what to call it...holy satire, maybe?

Mine is called "An Afterlife Chat with J.C." I thought I might add to it over time, but I haven't had the inspiration.

If you like it, leave a reply, and revive the thread:
http://atheistforums.com/index.php?topic=7554.0

[Solomon Zorn]

Yes, and I always get so confused as to 'seraphims' and 'cherubims'...

I met an angel, when I was very young, she had a sunlight-induced halo, radiating around her long blonde hair. Her blue eyes had blonde eyelashes, at that time, and her pussy was like honey. I gave her an orgasm. Hallelujah...

[Sorginak]

Mine is called "An Afterlife Chat with J.C." I thought I might add to it over time, but I haven't had the inspiration.

In college, I wrote something similar.  It was a weed induced chat with J.C., though. 

[aitm]

In college, I wrote something similar.  It was a weed induced chat with J.C., though. 

Mine was a conversation with a wren that landed on my window sill who convinced me that humans could fly. Birds needed wings as they were lesser animals but humans were the choice of God himself to be like him and all one needed was true faith and absolute confidence and you could fly as easily as birds.....then...once I landed and among the pain and broken  bones I hear the bird laughing hysterically....""fucking humans are soooo arrogant".

[etienne (OP)]

This post reminds me, just a little, of my own excursion into...I don't know what to call it...holy satire, maybe?

Mine is called "An Afterlife Chat with J.C." I thought I might add to it over time, but I haven't had the inspiration.

If you like it, leave a reply, and revive the thread:
http://atheistforums.com/index.php?topic=7554.0

Oh cool, I'll check it out!

[etienne (OP)]

I met an angel, when I was very young, she had a sunlight-induced halo, radiating around her long blonde hair. Her blue eyes had blonde eyelashes, at that time, and her pussy was like honey. I gave her an orgasm. Hallelujah...

I have "known" many such an angel...  ;)

[Baruch]

A little history .. cherubim (wind demons) and seraphim (fire demons) are part of the retinue of Yahweh in the polytheistic worship in the Canaanite temple in Jerusalem, before the reign of King Josiah (before the Babylonian Exile).  See The Hebrew Goddess by Raphael Patai.  Per natural phenomena ... cherubim are dust devils of the ME sort, and seraphim are fire devils (from strong brush fires).  See them on YouTube.

Judaism first tried to become monotheistic at the time of King Josiah, but was overtaken by Egyptian and Babylonian opposition.  Ezra and Nehemiah, after the Persian took over, reestablished Judaism (OT) as we currently know it, after returning from Babylon ... as Persian quislings.  The majority of people still in Israel/Judah were polytheists ... and naturally were the opposition to be overcome by the new dispensation from the Shah of Persia.  This is why the Shah comes off so well in the Book of Esther.

[etienne (OP)]

A little history .. cherubim (wind demons) and seraphim (fire demons) are part of the retinue of Yahweh in the polytheistic worship in the Canaanite temple in Jerusalem, before the reign of King Josiah (before the Babylonian Exile).  See The Hebrew Goddess by Raphael Patai.  Per natural phenomena ... cherubim are dust devils of the ME sort, and seraphim are fire devils (from strong brush fires).  See them on YouTube.

Judaism first tried to become monotheistic at the time of King Josiah, but was overtaken by Egyptian and Babylonian opposition.  Ezra and Nehemiah, after the Persian took over, reestablished Judaism (OT) as we currently know it, after returning from Babylon ... as Persian quislings.  The majority of people still in Israel/Judah were polytheists ... and naturally were the opposition to be overcome by the new dispensation from the Shah of Persia.  This is why the Shah comes off so well in the Book of Esther.

Yahweh, the original dictator.  "Yahway or the hahway".  Well, Gawd musta outsourced the devily stuff to India or something, because now those serafans and cheribumbs just sit around singin' and drinkin' all day long.

[fencerider]

all my angels had brown hair ;-)

fire demons eh. the spiritualist got another way to describe seraphim.... seraphim is plural of a seraph. A seraph is a snake-like being that talks. So all the stories about a knight in shining armour rescuein the princess from the dragon is just another case of an angel tryin to steal an earth girl;-]

[etienne (OP)]

all my angels had brown hair ;-)

fire demons eh. the spiritualist got another way to describe seraphim.... seraphim is plural of a seraph. A seraph is a snake-like being that talks. So all the stories about a knight in shining armour rescuein the princess from the dragon is just another case of an angel tryin to steal an earth girl;-]

That's why they call them snakes, and the prettiest ones are the most lethal.

Inland Taipan has the most toxic venom of any land snake in the world. The maximum yield recorded for one bite is enough to kill about 100 humans.

[Baruch]

Yahweh, the original dictator.  "Yahway or the hahway".  Well, Gawd musta outsourced the devily stuff to India or something, because now those serafans and cheribumbs just sit around singin' and drinkin' all day long.

Desert chieftains tend to be like that.  Forest and plains chieftains too.  People who have a problem with authority, always have daddy issues, except then it is mommy issues.

[etienne (OP)]

Desert chieftains tend to be like that.  Forest and plains chieftains too.  People who have a problem with authority, always have daddy issues, except then it is mommy issues.

Or maybe they are just smarter than the average bear.

[Baruch]

Or maybe they are just smarter than the average bear.

Like I said ... proper child care ... and no problems.  If that doesn't work, put them in the British Navy for a long cruise.

[etienne (OP)]

Like I said ... proper child care ... and no problems.  If that doesn't work, put them in the British Navy for a long cruise.

And when they single handedly take down the Limey Navy, then what?