Fed up with mother in law

[jenelia]

I don’t know how to begin. My mother in law is in her 90’s now. Its being so difficult to manage her along with my daily work. Don’t know what to do. She finds it difficult to walk by herself and there should be someone with her always. Thinking to avoid this situation, I went for some medical monitoring system which helps to intimate us if she has an emergency.  I saw it on this website suggested by my friend.  She couldn’t adjust with home nurses and after all she destroyed the PERS(personal emergency response system. She is having a -ve attitude towards everything and is a short tempered person. Has anyone here any opinion for me?

Link removed
-Pickelledeggs

[Munch]

Shes your mother in law, so I'm assuming this is on your husband/wifes word she lives with you. It should come down to you telling him if it gets to much that you can't look after her anymore, and unless he gets some better arrangement for her, you refuse to watch her anymore.

[widdershins]

It's commendable when people try to take care of a loved one themselves instead of getting them in a nursing home or something, but for most people it's just not realistic. Taking care of a dependent person 24/7 is tough as hell.  It's not like children, who are small, easy to manage and can be dropped off at the sitter's now and then relatively inexpensively.  Most older people I know are terrified of nursing homes, and I am sure they are not the most fun places, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.  Unless you're a professional healthcare provider with experience in the field AND have someone who can give you a break now and then, including time alone with your significant other, you're hurting yourself more than you're helping her.

[Munch]

My 70+ mother has said she never wants to be in a home, its why she persuaded my father when he was alive to buy their home, at a time it was affordable to do so. He died in their home, looked after by my mother and nurses, but my mum, who yes is a fit golden girl, but there will be a time she's not, and i'm honestly worried of the idea of her living alone, with me possibly living up in scotland and only my brother around with his family to watch over her.

[Baruch]

My 70+ mother has said she never wants to be in a home, its why she persuaded my father when he was alive to buy their home, at a time it was affordable to do so. He died in their home, looked after by my mother and nurses, but my mum, who yes is a fit golden girl, but there will be a time she's not, and i'm honestly worried of the idea of her living alone, with me possibly living up in scotland and only my brother around with his family to watch over her.

My problem exactly.  Part of my father's life insurance was set up to pay off the mortgage.  And it did, when my dad died early.  But my mother has been very fit, and burned thru nearly two fortunes ... until her health failed.  Nursing home is now consuming the rest of her declining fortune.  Now it is impossible for ordinary folks to take care of her at home, though it was possible for awhile.  Full time in-home nursing care is more expensive than nursing home.  And no, my older brother didn't want anything to do with it, or her grandchildren thru him.  Sentiment, if not talk, is cheap indeed.  So I had to step up, though the younger sibling, and with fewer resources.  This happens in many families I know, even with more than two siblings ... one will step up, if any at all.

[Sorginak]

She doesn't have much longer to live.

[PickelledEggs]

If it really makes you feel better, you can do an upper-decker in her main toilet.

[Baruch]

She doesn't have much longer to live.

When you encounter old age up close, you will learn how ironic is the notion of ... live healthy.  Better to die young, maybe.

[Cavebear]

I don’t know how to begin. My mother in law is in her 90’s now. Its being so difficult to manage her along with my daily work. Don’t know what to do. She finds it difficult to walk by herself and there should be someone with her always. Thinking to avoid this situation, I went for some medical monitoring system which helps to intimate us if she has an emergency.  I saw it on this website suggested by my friend. [ http://www.apialarm.com/medical-monitoring-pers/ ] She couldn’t adjust with home nurses and after all she destroyed the PERS(personal emergency response system. She is having a -ve attitude towards everything and is a short tempered person. Has anyone here any opinion for me?

I took my 92 year old demeted Dad from a hospital into my house.  It was a good thing I was retired because it was a full time job.  Up at dawn, 3 meals a day (on schedule), med-management, laundry, cleaning, attention, Fox news all day, falls, refusal to shower... 

I nearly lost my mind.  I went from free single unscheduled retired guy to "parent" in a day for 2 years.  I understand...

[kathyline]

It's commendable when people try to take care of a loved one themselves instead of getting them in a nursing home or something, but for most people it's just not realistic. Taking care of a dependent person 24/7 is tough as hell.  It's not like children, who are small, easy to manage and can be dropped off at the sitter's now and then relatively inexpensively.  Most older people I know are terrified of nursing homes, and I am sure they are not the most fun places, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.  Unless you're a professional healthcare provider with experience in the field AND have someone who can give you a break now and then, including time alone with your significant other, you're hurting yourself more than you're helping her.

I completely agree with this.