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My Lil Brita

Started by aitm, December 14, 2016, 10:00:46 PM

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aitm

So my little girl:


being white, has been prone to skin lesions, tumors, growths and certain cancers.  I have spent several thousand removing growths and tumors from her. But, now at only 6 she is fast being overcome with them. Her entire under hip area and back of her hind legs are covered in nodules that often break open and drip blood. Or if you simply pet her and knock one off she will drip blood. The top of one ear is an open sore that will not heal, it will cake and them drop the scab and bleed until it stops. She has a cancer on her tail that drips blood every other day, when I come home her entire back side is black with dried blood from running and playing and her tail wagging and tossing blood everywhere. She has cancers on both sides of her tongue and now both eyes with one of them projecting out like a little pyramid. I know that one bothers her as she rubs her leg across her eye often. But other than this she is bouncy and happy and playful and eats well.
     I have put down many of my babbies over the years, most were ready, some had no choice but the pain was obvious, but this one is different. She is happy and playful and bounces around and prances....yet is being eaten slowly by a multitude of "things".  I have asked the vet for a pill to calm her to the point of sleep so when I decide it is time, she will not walk into the place full of vigor only to be put down. I have  alot of trouble with this.  She is just too lively to be put down. I am surprised she does not seem to be affected by the loss of blood. I mean, we understand that alot of drops of blood look like a lot more than it actually is, but I swear it looked like a pint to me and a pint to a 60lb dog is alot. I have bandaged as much as one can, but during the day of course she pulls it off and well.....

So, I really don't expect much from this conversation, other than me writing it down publicly to convince myself that I  think I am doing the right thing even if she is in a little discomfort. And I also realize that it is, in a way, pretty fucked up to want the dog to be in pain before you "kill" her. Perhaps I need to see the words in writing to provide a certain finality, a certain justification, a certain kick in the ass that the time is here. Perhaps I need someone else to tell me it is time, or it can wait.
A humans desire to live is exceeded only by their willingness to die for another. Even god cannot equal this magnificent sacrifice. No god has the right to judge them.-first tenant of the Panotheust

Mike Cl

aitm, you will not find a more avid person for protecting our furry children.  I give you a stamp of approval for what you have done so far.  I think the key is pain control.  If there is no issue then why not let he live a joyful life.  She loves it where she is and seems only slightly (if that) uncomfortable.  You will know when the scales tip on the side of when life become a burden for this beautiful dog.  Right now she is living life large.  I bet you are in more emotional pain than she is even close to physically.  It is very very hard when a loved one is hurting and you can't do anything about it.  Except you are doing something about it by allowing her to be an active part of your life.
Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?<br />Then he is not omnipotent,<br />Is he able but not willing?<br />Then whence cometh evil?<br />Is he neither able or willing?<br />Then why call him god?