I didn't want to be an atheist either. Unfortunately, it's not a choice. You either believe in a god or you don't. You either believe in a god, or suck it up and understand that you don't. What is your definition of atheist? It might help to know what that means to you. Here is what it means to me: "A person who does not believe in gods, including the god believed in by most of your culture. What it doesn't mean to me is someone who knows there is not a god. In popular theist culture, it often means a positive assertion that no god exists. But what does it mean to you?