Author Topic: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans  (Read 517 times)

Quote
MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”

More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.


Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
« Reply #1 on: September 15, 2016, 06:44:15 AM »
Link?
We 'new atheists' have a reputation for being militant, but make no mistake  we didn't start this war. If you want to place blame put it on the the religious zealots who have been poisoning the minds of the  young for a long long time."
PZ Myers


Offline Draconic Aiur

Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
« Reply #3 on: September 15, 2016, 12:59:03 PM »
Satire?

Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2016, 01:07:07 PM »
Yep.

Offline TJ

Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2017, 01:40:21 AM »
"Fact-resistant humans" lol. A perfect description of atheists!

Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2017, 05:11:43 PM »
Yeah, I used to listen to Andy Borowitz when he did "BS News."


Here's a good one:

Supreme Court Forces G.O.P. to Seek New Bogus Issues for 2016
God Not Found
"The Pope may act outside the law, above the law, and against the law."
St. Robert Bellarmine

Offline Cavebear

Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2017, 01:29:49 AM »
"Fact-resistant humans" lol. A perfect description of atheists!

theists are pretty much fact-oriented.  It all there is.
Atheist born, atheist bred.  And when I die, atheist dead

earth endangered by a fact-resistant human named DuhRump
god is never early, but he is never late either... so true, so true; but I would rather have him show up late than to not show up at all. When was the last time god showed up for anything??? uh never