Assisted Suicide

[Jack89]

My step-father has terminal small cell lung cancer and has chosen assisted suicide.  Here in his home state, Oregon, it's legal but there is a bit of a waiting period.  He told the doctor today that he wants to do it, which is the first step.  From what the hospice folks say, it should take about 2-3 weeks, maybe a little bit longer for it to be approved. 

I am opposed to suicide for both moral and religious reasons, I'm Catholic, but I feel I need to respect his autonomy.  My brother has the same view, even though he's an atheist and a 2nd year ER resident.  I think my biggest problem with it is that I think he's choosing this route for the wrong reasons.  He's a bit vague about it, but he doesn't like that he has to go broke before Medicaid will kick in for full-time nursing care (another issue altogether), and he doesn't think it's right that I take care of him at his home, even though I told him I want to do so.  He's to the point where he can't get from his bed to the bathroom without my help, even with a walker.  It tears him up that I'm cleaning him up after accidents.  He's in a lot of pain which is controlled by meds, but also make him nauseous and fuzzy headed, which he dislikes almost as much as the pain.

I've made my arguments and continue to gently try to get him to reconsider, but I don't think he will.  There is no sense in alienating him when he needs someone by his side the most.  In any event, it's his choice and I'll stay by his side until he dies, regardless of his decision.  I'm hoping he'll choose to get well medicated and wait until the end.  The Doctor says he's only got a month or two.  He's 74 years old and led a pretty good life.

[Draconic Aiur]

Well...he needs a bag of weed, alcohol, and tities!!

Go out with a bang!

[Jack89]

Well...he needs a bag of weed, alcohol, and tities!!

Go out with a bang!

No argument here.  I've suggested the weed, and before he went back into the hospital yesterday, I put some Irish Cream in his coffee every day and wheeled him out on the porch for a fat stogie. 

[Hijiri Byakuren]

If he's ready to go, it's probably time to let him go. I don't know if you're the "suffering is a virtue" type of Catholic, but I can say as a humanist that it is not. I'm normally against suicide, but in a situation where a disease is going to kill you anyway, I think you have the right to end your life while you still have some dignity left.

[aitm]

I have talked about it with my father as well. He is 87 and getting to the point where he is healthy enough but the mind is going and he does not like that. We both talked about the easiest, monoxide or the fastest 240 volts. Don't have a gun and might miss, and/or doesn't want that kind of a mess for someone to stumble into. Pills are iffy. Don't know what he has decided, but..someday I will tell you.

[widdershins]

I never did see the point in hanging on for every possible second regardless the cost.  If I'm to the point where I'm in constant pain which will only get worse as time goes on and can no longer take care of myself why the hell would I want the last few sucky months?

Look at it this way.  You're at a theme park and you go on a roller coaster, which is great.  But after the roller coaster there is a long, winding line which everyone expects you to walk through where freaky clowns will slap you and little dogs will bite your ankles.  The line doesn't last as long as the ride did, but it seems like forever.  What's more, all along the line clowns will be taking bills out of your pockets.  The longer you stay in the line the more it's going to cost you until you're broke.  Once that happens nobody takes any more money from you, but the line gets even shittier because you can no longer pay for the less-shitty experience.  It's easy to just step out of the line and head straight for the exit.  But everyone expects you to stay in the line to the end.  Why?  It's stupid.  I don't care if the lady behind me is going to give me the stink eye for not doing what's expected of me.  Clowns creep me out and little dogs piss me off.  And I don't enjoy pain.  The very notion that people expect me to stay in that line is stupid.  I don't care if it's part of the intended ride.  I'll ride the part I like and skip the shit at the end.

That is, essentially, my thoughts on end of life.  You're going to die.  It's going to happen.  You can die now in a lot of pain and unable to do anything by yourself or you can live an extra two months for the low, low cost of everything you own so you have nothing to leave to your loved ones, a SHITLOAD more pain as it gets worse over time and your ability to do anything even with help so that you are left having someone else do everything for you.  What is the purpose?  What is the point?  Why would I choose an extra couple months of suffering and indignation just to reach the SAME END I could get to right now?  To me that just doesn't make any sense.  If I get NEAR that point I'm going out before the "assisted" part is necessary.  I may not leave my kids much, but I'm leaving them SOMETHING other than memories of wiping my ass for me.

[FaithIsFilth]

I was under the impression that the Catholic Church teaches that suicide is an automatic sentence to Hell, but I just looked into it and it seems that I was mistaken. If there were a God, I really don't think he would punish someone in your father's position.

I'm glad to hear that you are respecting his autonomy, and I'm sorry you're having to go through this right now.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

I had two friends dying from the Orange Crush. When they needed my help I had no problem giving it to them.

[randomvim]

offer counseling or therapy. everyone can use end of life help in terms of our minds

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk

[Jack89]

offer counseling or therapy. everyone can use end of life help in terms of our minds

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk

Dad's beliefs are of a pantheist blend but he doesn't really want to discuss them with anyone.  There's a "spiritual counselor" from the hospice group who's visited him a couple of times, but dad doesn't take him very seriously.  I believe that he will be visited by a psychologist before he's approved by the state for the suicide.  He's actually in pretty good spirits right now, the Doc has his meds dialed in pretty good and he's fairly comfortable. 
I'm hoping he'll forego the suicide and enjoy the company he's getting every day.  He's getting good care in the hospital, but the Medicare "comfort care" coverage is only for 3 weeks.  He may last longer than that.  After that we'll need to transfer him to a nursing home after that because he needs around the clock nursing care at this point.  He doesn't want to do that and I think that's a big part of his decision for the suicide.  If there is a good reason for assisted suicide, that's not it.  He's also concerned that he won't be able to pass any of his assets on to his kids.  We've argued this point ad nauseam.  I don't want anything and neither does my brother, but that doesn't cut it for him.  Frustrating.

[randomvim]

Dad's beliefs are of a pantheist blend but he doesn't really want to discuss them with anyone.  There's a "spiritual counselor" from the hospice group who's visited him a couple of times, but dad doesn't take him very seriously.  I believe that he will be visited by a psychologist before he's approved by the state for the suicide.  He's actually in pretty good spirits right now, the Doc has his meds dialed in pretty good and he's fairly comfortable. 
I'm hoping he'll forego the suicide and enjoy the company he's getting every day.  He's getting good care in the hospital, but the Medicare "comfort care" coverage is only for 3 weeks.  He may last longer than that.  After that we'll need to transfer him to a nursing home after that because he needs around the clock nursing care at this point.  He doesn't want to do that and I think that's a big part of his decision for the suicide.  If there is a good reason for assisted suicide, that's not it.  He's also concerned that he won't be able to pass any of his assets on to his kids.  We've argued this point ad nauseam.  I don't want anything and neither does my brother, but that doesn't cut it for him.  Frustrating.

Others that are going through same thing might help. I am not sure of people who were in your position and had a councle present for their loved ones.

the situation is challenging.

unfortunately the law and medical is written the way it is on purpose.

[Kurantino]

That's a hard thing to have to deal with, and I'm sorry you are faced with such a difficult situation.
I support assisted suicide as a means of final treatment, because I think that quality of life is more important than length of life. It's sad that his reasons might be based on Medicaid and financial type stuff though. I get where you are coming from with not wanting him to do it for the wrong reasons.


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[Baruch]

My mother just turned 90.  I face the same issues as her primary care giver.  People past 80 don't think too straight ... and they do decide things for the wrong reason.  This is a constant painful worry and struggle.  My best wishes to the care giver and the one being cared for.  There is another wrong reason to be concerned ... if you are the primary care giver when crisis happens, you are responsible, not some institution that is experienced with that.  You might not be prepared for that ... and possible legal complications with assisting any elderly or sickly in the legally wrong way.  Not just acts of commission, but appearance of neglect.

[Gawdzilla Sama]

One of my cousins got his son a Corvette as a reward for successfully passing his first driver's license exam.

Now that's assisted suicide.

[Baruch]

One of my cousins got his son a Corvette as a reward for successfully passing his first driver's license exam.

Now that's assisted suicide.

Unfortunately not funny.  I know of an 18 year old man, who got a new pickup when his dad got out of the military.  He rushed down the highway in it, right after he got the keys for the first time, and lost control on a soft shoulder, not more than a few miles from home.  I know about it, because three friends of mine, a mother and two kids, were coming the other way, and T-boned into him just as he went 90 degrees to the traffic.  The 18 year old died ... the other three were put in the hospital, but got out OK with just broken bones and a totaled car.  She was taking the two kids to school, where my daughter also went.  Both were friends of my daughter back then.