Bible Fun Fact #49823284, Atheists, don’t laugh to hard, okay?!

[21CIconoclast]

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As if the TALKING SNAKE in the Creation narratives in Genesis 1, and the contradicting example given in Genesis 2, weren’t enough to make you laugh, the Christian also has to accept a TALKING DONKEY as well!  This biblical axiom obviously helps prove to anyone the validity of their Bronze and Iron Age bible as being true. *Cough*

"Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. But Yahweh was very angry when he went, and the angel of the LORD stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, she turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat her to get her back on the road.

Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam's foot against it. So he beat her again.

Then the angel of the LORD moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff. Then the LORD opened the donkey's mouth, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?" Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now." (Numbers 22:21-29)

Atheists, I asked you not to laugh to hard at the expense of the Christian mind set, remember? Barring the fact of yet another example of animal cruelty within the primitive bible, the bible vouchsafes itself again by having a TALKING DONKEY along with a TALKING SNAKE. Can the Christian, maybe even Randy if he's not to embarrassed,  tell us whether the donkey and snake spoke in Aramaic or Greek?  Inquiring minds want to know!


       

[Blackleaf]

What I find funny is how Balaam isn't even phased by the talking donkey. I guess that was just an every day occurrence for him. Oh, and apparently the approaching ARMED angel wasn't cause for concern, either.

[21CIconoclast]

Blackleaf,

When you have a "plethora" of other biblical anomalies within the scriptures, why should Balaam be surprised at a talking donkey? Like you said, why should the poor donkey be upset by a godly angel standing in the path with a raised sword? Comical.

Then the pseudo-christians like Randy wonder why we laugh at them and their Before Common Era's facts, it boggles the mind as we go into the 21st century.

[gentle_dissident]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLEP0fN8axk

[reasonist]

Oh it's just a 'metaphor', right? That's always the standard excuse when all else fails. But heck if you believe in a talking snake giving dietary advice, you believe in a talking ass and a cockatrice too. No problem.
But you are right, this is the 21st century. That's what makes it so stupid. Until not so long ago one HAD to believe it or you were asking for swift incineration. We are past that and have scientific explanations for much of the biblical claims (sans the miracles), so what do you think motivates otherwise functioning people to buy into this ridiculous junk????

[gentle_dissident]

what do you think motivates otherwise functioning people to buy into this ridiculous junk????

Infantile Regression

[Randy Carson]

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As if the TALKING SNAKE in the Creation narratives in Genesis 1, and the contradicting example given in Genesis 2, weren’t enough to make you laugh, the Christian also has to accept a TALKING DONKEY as well!  This biblical axiom obviously helps prove to anyone the validity of their Bronze and Iron Age bible as being true. *Cough*

"Balaam got up in the morning, saddled his donkey and went with the princes of Moab. But Yahweh was very angry when he went, and the angel of the LORD stood in the road to oppose him. Balaam was riding on his donkey, and his two servants were with him. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD standing in the road with a drawn sword in his hand, she turned off the road into a field. Balaam beat her to get her back on the road.

Then the angel of the LORD stood in a narrow path between two vineyards, with walls on both sides. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she pressed close to the wall, crushing Balaam's foot against it. So he beat her again.

Then the angel of the LORD moved on ahead and stood in a narrow place where there was no room to turn, either to the right or to the left. When the donkey saw the angel of the LORD, she lay down under Balaam, and he was angry and beat her with his staff. Then the LORD opened the donkey's mouth, and she said to Balaam, "What have I done to you to make you beat me these three times?" Balaam answered the donkey, "You have made a fool of me! If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now." (Numbers 22:21-29)

Atheists, I asked you not to laugh to hard at the expense of the Christian mind set, remember? Barring the fact of yet another example of animal cruelty within the primitive bible, the bible vouchsafes itself again by having a TALKING DONKEY along with a TALKING SNAKE. Can the Christian, maybe even Randy if he's not to embarrassed,  tell us whether the donkey and snake spoke in Aramaic or Greek?  Inquiring minds want to know!


       

The people in those two stories were not Greeks. So, the donkey and snake actually spoke Hebrew...the predecessor to Aramaic.

[Blackleaf]

To be fair, the book of Revelation says that the talking snake in the Garden of Eden was the devil, and implies that this is a common understanding (whether or not that was actually the case, who knows?). So one could either conclude that the Genesis creation account was allegorical, or that Satan was literally in the form of a talking snake.

The talking donkey, though, still makes no sense. Sure, you could say that God temporarily granted the donkey the ability to speak, but that doesn't account for the lack of surprise from its owner.

"WTF!!! My donkey can talk!? Did my wife sneak some weird mushrooms into my breakfast this morning?"

[Unbeliever]

Apparently, turtles have voices too:

"The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;"
Song of Solomon 2:12

Oh, but wait - apparently turtles really do have voices!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqK2iI1nBTQ

[Baruch]

I think scripture is referring to turtle doves.

In comparative mythology, there are many examples across many cultures of this ... archetype of the subconscious ... regarding serpents and other talking animals.  What is in the early Bible sections isn't even original.  The serpent referred to in Genesis is more like a dragon, not a garter snake.

[Unbeliever]

But I take the KJV literally, word for word. If it's God's word, it should be maximally perspicuous, with the clarity of empty space. Or was God trying to be obscure, as was Jesus in gospel Mark, when he told his disciples that he was purposely obscure so that people wouldn't be converted:

And when he was alone, they that were about him with the twelve asked of him the parable.
And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God: but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables:
That seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them.

Mark 4:10

Either God meant for His message to humans to be easily understood, or He didn't. If not, then He was just playing head games with us.