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Arts and Entertainment => Tell a Joke or two => Topic started by: stromboli on February 21, 2013, 02:13:03 PM

Title: Stuff That I Find Shocking
Post by: stromboli on February 21, 2013, 02:13:03 PM
The Miss Universe pageant is rigged. Every winner comes from earth.  :shock:

It is legal to own a flamethrower in the U.S..  :shock:

The deadliest drug in history can be bought practically anywhere, while one with therapeutic benefits is mostly illegal.  :shock:

Butter is better for you than margarine.  :shock:

Diet soda actually makes your hunger cravings worse.  :shock:
Title:
Post by: Mathias on February 21, 2013, 02:28:14 PM
sesame seed of MCs does not taste like sesame !!!
Title: Re: Stuff That I Find Shocking
Post by: aitm on February 21, 2013, 02:32:39 PM
a "sweet ass" is not necessarily so.... :-&
Title:
Post by: Alaric I on February 21, 2013, 02:34:14 PM
Electricity!!
Title: Re:
Post by: Brian37 on February 21, 2013, 03:07:18 PM
Quote from: "Alaric I"
Electricity!!

What? Are you telling me I shouldn't touch that downed power line? WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW?
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Alaric I on February 21, 2013, 03:12:43 PM
Quote from: "Brian37"
Quote from: "Alaric I"
Electricity!!

What? Are you telling me I shouldn't touch that downed power line? WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW?

I got hit with an electirc cattle fence once (10,000 volts).  Felt a little tingle in my balzack if you catch my drift.  Yet it was still not as bad as getting hit with 550, there you tend to lose bowel function. :oops:
Title: Re: Stuff That I Find Shocking
Post by: WitchSabrina on February 21, 2013, 03:50:33 PM
Licking a stamp has calories
Title:
Post by: Alaric I on February 21, 2013, 03:59:11 PM
6 things you won't believe

1) You can't put soap in your eyes
2) If you can't count all your indivudual hairs
3) You can't breathe through your nose while sticking your tongue out
4) You tried to do it
5) You now realize that not only is it possible, you look like a dog while doing it
6) You are smiling because you feel like a dumbass
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Thumpalumpacus on February 21, 2013, 05:50:15 PM
Quote from: "Alaric I"
Quote from: "Brian37"
Quote from: "Alaric I"
Electricity!!

What? Are you telling me I shouldn't touch that downed power line? WHY AM I ALWAYS THE LAST ONE TO KNOW?

I got hit with an electirc cattle fence once (10,000 volts).  Felt a little tingle in my balzack if you catch my drift.  Yet it was still not as bad as getting hit with 550, there you tend to lose bowel function. :oops:

Dude, I got hit with 220v when I was a kid (I don't know how many amps) but it knocked me literally out of (one of my) shoes.
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Alaric I on February 21, 2013, 05:54:21 PM
Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"
Quote from: "Alaric I"

I got hit with an electirc cattle fence once (10,000 volts).  Felt a little tingle in my balzack if you catch my drift.  Yet it was still not as bad as getting hit with 550, there you tend to lose bowel function. :oops:

Dude, I got hit with 220v when I was a kid (I don't know how many amps) but it knocked me literally out of (one of my) shoes.


Ahh, i got lucky with 220.  I was helping a buddy out with remodeling his kitchen (my dad is a designer so he got the design for free) and we were replacing his electric cook range.  The previous owner mislabeld the circuit breakers and I cut the wires, luckily it was just a huge pop and I couldn't see very well for a couple minutes.  No shock or anything.  He thought we were gonna sue, but my dad told him how my family is very unlucky around electricity.
Title: Re:
Post by: stromboli on February 21, 2013, 06:18:30 PM
Quote from: "Alaric I"
6 things you won't believe

1) You can't put soap in your eyes
2) If you can't count all your indivudual hairs
3) You can't breathe through your nose while sticking your tongue out
4) You tried to do it
5) You now realize that not only is it possible, you look like a dog while doing it
6) You are smiling because you feel like a dumbass

You are an evil man.
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: WitchSabrina on February 21, 2013, 06:22:51 PM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Quote from: "Alaric I"
6 things you won't believe

1) You can't put soap in your eyes
2) If you can't count all your indivudual hairs
3) You can't breathe through your nose while sticking your tongue out
4) You tried to do it
5) You now realize that not only is it possible, you look like a dog while doing it
6) You are smiling because you feel like a dumbass

You are an evil man.


I can stick out my tongue AND breathe through my nose at the same time ?? :shock: ??

but....... then I am a witch LOL
Title:
Post by: kilodelta on February 21, 2013, 07:30:13 PM
A pinky.
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Thumpalumpacus on February 21, 2013, 07:34:27 PM
Quote from: "Alaric I"
Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"
Quote from: "Alaric I"

I got hit with an electirc cattle fence once (10,000 volts).  Felt a little tingle in my balzack if you catch my drift.  Yet it was still not as bad as getting hit with 550, there you tend to lose bowel function. :oops:

Dude, I got hit with 220v when I was a kid (I don't know how many amps) but it knocked me literally out of (one of my) shoes.


Ahh, i got lucky with 220.  I was helping a buddy out with remodeling his kitchen (my dad is a designer so he got the design for free) and we were replacing his electric cook range.  The previous owner mislabeled the circuit breakers and I cut the wires, luckily it was just a huge pop and I couldn't see very well for a couple minutes.  No shock or anything.  He thought we were gonna sue, but my dad told him how my family is very unlucky around electricity.

Mine happened during morning recess at school in Teheran, which at the time was undergoing construction.  There was a big wire about as thick as your thumb sticking out of the ground, with some kids standing around looking at it.  I walk up to see what's going on, see the wire, and like the idiot I am go up and touch the pad of my thumb to it.  

Next thing I remember, I'm being helped back to my feet, one of which is now unshod.  I find my shoe and put it back on, and a few minutes later class starts up again and I go on about my day.  I never told my parents.  I don't think my mom knows even today.  lol
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Alaric I on February 21, 2013, 07:38:24 PM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Quote from: "Alaric I"
6 things you won't believe

1) You can't put soap in your eyes
2) If you can't count all your indivudual hairs
3) You can't breathe through your nose while sticking your tongue out
4) You tried to do it
5) You now realize that not only is it possible, you look like a dog while doing it
6) You are smiling because you feel like a dumbass

You are an evil man.

Why thank you :twisted:
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Alaric I on February 21, 2013, 07:39:33 PM
Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"

Mine happened during morning recess at school in Teheran, which at the time was undergoing construction.  There was a big wire about as thick as your thumb sticking out of the ground, with some kids standing around looking at it.  I walk up to see what's going on, see the wire, and like the idiot I am go up and touch the pad of my thumb to it.  

Next thing I remember, I'm being helped back to my feet, one of which is now unshod.  I find my shoe and put it back on, and a few minutes later class starts up again and I go on about my day.  I never told my parents.  I don't think my mom knows even today.  lol


It's like that kid in "A Christmas Story" that got his tongue stuck to the pole, except they actually helped you up instead of leaving you there.
Title:
Post by: stromboli on February 21, 2013, 11:00:35 PM
You can sell advertising on the thighs of Japanese school girls  :shock:

stoning is still used for execution in some Muslim countries  :shock:
Title:
Post by: stromboli on February 21, 2013, 11:11:05 PM
Celebrities without makeup
http://www.refinedguy.com/2012/11/29/ce ... dit=wtf#51 (http://www.refinedguy.com/2012/11/29/celebrities-without-makeup-pictures/?utm_source=reddit.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=ra&subreddit=wtf#51)

This will REALLY shock you!  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:
Title: Re:
Post by: Mathias on February 22, 2013, 08:10:29 AM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Celebrities without makeup
http://www.refinedguy.com/2012/11/29/ce ... dit=wtf#51 (http://www.refinedguy.com/2012/11/29/celebrities-without-makeup-pictures/?utm_source=reddit.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=ra&subreddit=wtf#51)

This will REALLY shock you!  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:


Sorry, but this would shock only for those who are not used to waking up next to beautiful women... :D :)
Title: Re:
Post by: WitchSabrina on February 22, 2013, 08:24:55 AM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Celebrities without makeup
http://www.refinedguy.com/2012/11/29/ce ... dit=wtf#51 (http://www.refinedguy.com/2012/11/29/celebrities-without-makeup-pictures/?utm_source=reddit.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=ra&subreddit=wtf#51)

This will REALLY shock you!  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:  :shock:

All women look better with makeup.  For some of us it's like painting a blank canvas.  LOL
Title:
Post by: Plu on February 22, 2013, 08:26:19 AM
Quote
All women look better with makeup.

Yah. Excessive make-up doesn't help anyone.
Title: Re:
Post by: WitchSabrina on February 22, 2013, 08:32:47 AM
Quote from: "Plu"
Quote
All women look better with makeup.

Yah. Excessive make-up doesn't help anyone.

Excessive is for circus and Vegas.
Title:
Post by: stromboli on February 22, 2013, 08:56:02 AM
Note to all the single guys on the forum: never, ever tell a woman that you don't like women who use too much make up. You will regret it.
Title:
Post by: Plu on February 22, 2013, 08:59:02 AM
It's a good thing I'm not single, I've said that to quite a few women :O
Title: Re:
Post by: WitchSabrina on February 22, 2013, 09:00:44 AM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Note to all the single guys on the forum: never, ever tell a woman that you don't like women who use too much make up. You will regret it.

Why? Why would a woman find that offensive? I'm totally lost Strom.
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Alaric I on February 22, 2013, 09:54:47 AM
Quote from: "WitchSabrina"
Quote from: "stromboli"
Note to all the single guys on the forum: never, ever tell a woman that you don't like women who use too much make up. You will regret it.

Why? Why would a woman find that offensive? I'm totally lost Strom.

Why is the sky blue?  Why is the grass green?  Why do we breathe oxygen and not argon?  It just is man, it just is.
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: BarkAtTheMoon on February 22, 2013, 10:26:32 AM
Quote from: "Alaric I"
Quote from: "Thumpalumpacus"
Quote from: "Alaric I"

I got hit with an electirc cattle fence once (10,000 volts).  Felt a little tingle in my balzack if you catch my drift.  Yet it was still not as bad as getting hit with 550, there you tend to lose bowel function. :oops:

Dude, I got hit with 220v when I was a kid (I don't know how many amps) but it knocked me literally out of (one of my) shoes.


Ahh, i got lucky with 220.  I was helping a buddy out with remodeling his kitchen (my dad is a designer so he got the design for free) and we were replacing his electric cook range.  The previous owner mislabeld the circuit breakers and I cut the wires, luckily it was just a huge pop and I couldn't see very well for a couple minutes.  No shock or anything.  He thought we were gonna sue, but my dad told him how my family is very unlucky around electricity.

Yeah, sounds like you should be staying waaaay away from any wiring.
Title: Re:
Post by: Mathias on February 22, 2013, 11:44:21 AM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Note to all the single guys on the forum: never, ever tell a woman that you don't like women who use too much make up. You will regret it.


Take back what I said earlier. Do you understand it was a joke, right?
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: Alaric I on February 22, 2013, 11:47:37 AM
Quote from: "BarkAtTheMoon"

Yeah, sounds like you should be staying waaaay away from any wiring.

I try to, I can't however do this all the time.  My job requires generators so I just work with them when they are shut off.  :lol:
Title: Re:
Post by: SilentFutility on February 22, 2013, 07:21:21 PM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Note to all the single guys on the forum: never, ever tell a woman that you don't like women who use too much make up. You will regret it.
I've said this to many girls/women, most of whom have agreed with me, both while single and in a relationship. Not once has it been of any consequence, other than when I've used it to lead into a compliment, in which case it had a positive outcome.
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: stromboli on February 23, 2013, 02:26:29 AM
Quote from: "WitchSabrina"
Quote from: "stromboli"
Note to all the single guys on the forum: never, ever tell a woman that you don't like women who use too much make up. You will regret it.

Why? Why would a woman find that offensive? I'm totally lost Strom.

Based on personal experience. I once made that comment to a woman who in fact used a lot of make up, but it was not apparent from the way she looked. Closest I ever got to being slapped. Some women are very sensitive about it. I also got my ass chewed from a friend of hers for saying it.
Title: Re: Re:
Post by: FinalSomnia on February 23, 2013, 03:26:52 AM
Quote from: "stromboli"
Quote from: "WitchSabrina"
Quote from: "stromboli"
Note to all the single guys on the forum: never, ever tell a woman that you don't like women who use too much make up. You will regret it.

Why? Why would a woman find that offensive? I'm totally lost Strom.

Based on personal experience. I once made that comment to a woman who in fact used a lot of make up, but it was not apparent from the way she looked. Closest I ever got to being slapped. Some women are very sensitive about it. I also got my ass chewed from a friend of hers for saying it.
I was raised with two sisters and a mom, I've had my fair of girlfriends (none of whom ever faulted me for my honesty), and I have no qualms telling women that I don't like ladies who wear too much makeup.

The women that would get offended by such statements tend to fall in one of two categories:

1. Women that are fond of the person making this statement, but are hideous hogbeasts afraid to show their true guise to the world lest our faces melt like the scene from Raiders Of The Lost Ark if their heads weren't slathered with liquid and powder masking substances, or
2. Girls who are crazier than rape squirrels on bath salts.

This is my experience.