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Arts and Entertainment => Tell a Joke or two => Topic started by: Mr.Obvious on June 09, 2020, 05:28:22 AM

Title: Poor choice of words
Post by: Mr.Obvious on June 09, 2020, 05:28:22 AM
A thread to poorly explain things we like.


I'll start.

I've been playing Resident Evil 4 again, since recently. It's a great game about a man, who stopped being a cop after shooting a lot of bodies on his first and only day, who spends his time stealing all the gold, treasures and heirlooms from sick Spanish peasants so he can pawn them off to a shady man in a trench-coat to buy new guns to shoot those villagers with. All the while trying to eradicate the local religion and get his hands on an underaged girl.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: aitm on June 09, 2020, 09:17:49 AM
I like da bitches to make me a sammich and give me blow jobs.



Did I win?
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Sal1981 on June 09, 2020, 09:18:16 AM
RuneScape; a 19 year old game I've been playing for 15 years on and off. It's about spending an inordinate amount of time getting 28 different capes, and then spend an almost insurmountable amount of time updating those capes you already got for some shiny particle effects at the drapes of the those capes and some additional cape-specific bonuses while wearing one. Oh, and the +190 quests, other players, complex game economy & PKing is just a backdrop.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Baruch on June 09, 2020, 12:12:28 PM
RuneScape; a 19 year old game I've been playing for 15 years on and off. It's about spending an inordinate amount of time getting 28 different capes, and then spend an almost insurmountable amount of time updating those capes you already got for some shiny particle effects at the drapes of the those capes and some additional cape-specific bonuses while wearing one. Oh, and the +190 quests, other players, complex game economy & PKing is just a backdrop.

We all need a hobby.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Baruch on June 09, 2020, 12:13:14 PM
A thread to poorly explain things we like.


I'll start.

I've been playing Resident Evil 4 again, since recently. It's a great game about a man, who stopped being a cop after shooting a lot of bodies on his first and only day, who spends his time stealing all the gold, treasures and heirlooms from sick Spanish peasants so he can pawn them off to a shady man in a trench-coat to buy new guns to shoot those villagers with. All the while trying to eradicate the local religion and get his hands on an underaged girl.

So you secretly want to LARP as a really evil Don Juan?  Remember how he ends up in Mozart's opera ;-(  I would prefer to be Zorro ;-)
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Hydra009 on June 09, 2020, 12:27:19 PM
Command and Conquer: UN thugs and frreedom fighters fight over crystals.  Mid-level manager Seth is finally noticed by upper management.

Red Alert: One man's triumph over nazism.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Mr.Obvious on June 09, 2020, 12:34:03 PM
I also like the little mermaid. It's this cartoon in which a fourteen year old girl is more oft than not seen in a bikini. She goes out of her way to extremely modify her body to impress some guy she's never even talked to. Hoping to win him over with looks rather than through meaningful conversation. She also tries to leave her entire family and culture so she can try to become his bride and never say a word again.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Baruch on June 09, 2020, 12:56:02 PM
Bananagrams ... a form of Scrabble, without a board, and played at speed, not in turns.  Bananas optional.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Hydra009 on June 09, 2020, 12:56:44 PM
My personal favorites.

Endless Legend: Set foot in an exotic world full of strange alien life.  Fight monsters and fanatics and pitless insects all you want, but it won't save you from the true enemy - for winter is coming and much work must be done.

Endless Space 2: The fate of the galaxy hinges on one man's reparations campaign.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Mr.Obvious on June 09, 2020, 02:04:17 PM
By the way, did anybody here ever see 'star wars: a New hope'?

Great flick.

It's about this desert-dweller who at the most vulnerable moment in his life, right after losing all the family that he has left, gets indoctrinated into a religion which has been at war with a different but similar religion for ages. As the indoctrination continues, he is enrolled into some terrorist attacks against the government. It ends with him getting into an aircraft and causing a mass-murder in an important government station. And he completely ruins that place. I mean he kills thousands, maybe tens of thousands.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Hydra009 on June 09, 2020, 02:17:00 PM
Fallout New Vegas: modern politics leads to a future that harkens to the past; brain-damaged man takes up larping, hospitalized man gambles on his last chip, deliveryman has a bad day.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on June 09, 2020, 03:36:01 PM
Trump's Twitter account.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Hydra009 on June 09, 2020, 05:31:43 PM
Trump's Twitter account.
*explains it to myself in the 90s*

Okay, so you know the real estate guy in Home Alone 2?  I know you don't know his name.  Trust me, that's not going to be a problem in the future.  So that guy has a popular reality tv show.  What's reality tv?  The worst kind of tv show.  Yes, worse than Geraldo.  It's like Geraldo's Geraldo.  Anyway, he's super famous now.  How famous?  Like OJ Simpson famous, just with a lot less jail time.  Yes, I know he was found not guilty.  Spoilers.  Anyway, this famous terrible person runs as a Republican.  The Republicans put up much less of a fight than you might think.  But Clinton was the sure shot to win, practically everybody thought so.  No, not him, his wife.  Weird, I know.  So she loses in the narrowest of margins.  So President Trump spends most of his time watching TV and tweeting.  Tweeting is basically like writing on a bathroom stall but the whole world can see it.  How?  Over the internet.  Trust me, everyone being on the internet is a lot less awesome than you think.  How often does he tweet?  Like 200 times a day.  Yeah, he sounds like a real loser to me, too. 

Anyway, that's why the world is in the toilet right now.  Can you do me a favor and go ahead and move to Canada right now?  No, things aren't okay in the early 2000s, either.  Trust me, the sooner you pull the trigger on that, the better.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: GSOgymrat on June 09, 2020, 06:03:45 PM
*explains it to myself in the 90s*

Okay, so you know the real estate guy in Home Alone 2?

(https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/explain-a-film-plot-badly-funny-tweets-26__700.jpg)

(https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/funny-movie-plot-explanations-explainafilmplotbadly-37-5af19b2dd6aff__700.jpg)

(https://i.pinimg.com/736x/08/2f/45/082f45e93efb3bfde1113e34f81f3f00--movie-plot-screen-shot.jpg)

(https://pics.me.me/eric-weiss-zombieriot-explainafilmplotbadly-a-wise-cracking-boiler-technician-teaches-25659016.png)
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Mr.Obvious on June 09, 2020, 07:04:20 PM
Tomb Raider

A rich British heiress from high society acts like the old empire and colonialism is still what it was in the eighteenth and nineteenth century; going around stealing treasures from natives and shooting a lot of endangered animals.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Hydra009 on June 09, 2020, 09:01:35 PM
American history professor reportedly plundered several world heritage sites, causing extensive damage and removing important artifacts.  He is also a prime suspect in a blaze which consumed a tavern in Nepal.  A suspected nazi sympathizer, he was photographed at the Nuremberg rally receiving a signed autograph from Adolf Hitler himself.  Current whereabouts unknown, he is considered a person of interest by US authorities.

In unrelated news, an entire platoon of Nazi soldiers goes missing somewhere near the border between Greece and Turkey, presumed lost at sea.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Mr.Obvious on June 10, 2020, 02:02:41 AM
By the way, I've recently really taken a shine to boiling leaves in water and then drinking the resulting juice. It's even better if you put insect vomit in it.

For my breakfast I've stopped putting artificial sources of sugar into the extract from bovine sweat glands though, it was making me fat.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Mr.Obvious on June 11, 2020, 02:19:59 AM
The devil's advocate: great film about a man who tries to move heaven and earth to form a tight relationship with his estranged son.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Baruch on June 11, 2020, 09:10:44 AM
The devil's advocate: great film about a man who tries to move heaven and earth to form a tight relationship with his estranged son.

New Testament? ;-)
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: trdsf on July 22, 2020, 04:11:45 PM
The Empire Strikes Back: A father tries to convince his son to join his political/religious struggle.  Eventually, and unwillingly, the son gives him a hand.
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Mr.Obvious on July 22, 2020, 04:56:43 PM
The Empire Strikes Back: A father tries to convince his son to join his political/religious struggle.  Eventually, and unwillingly, the son gives him a hand.

Nice !
Title: Re: Poor choice of words
Post by: Hydra009 on July 22, 2020, 06:40:14 PM
Disabled professor grooms teens in private compound to fight in gang war