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Arts and Entertainment => Tell a Joke or two => Topic started by: fencerider on May 28, 2018, 04:35:50 PM

Title: a call to 911
Post by: fencerider on May 28, 2018, 04:35:50 PM
a man calls 911

man: I need help I just shot my friend! I think he's dead! What should I do?
911: well first we need to make sure he's dead.

man runs away from the phone. click. bang. man runs back to the phone

man: OK! Now what do I do???
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: GSOgymrat on May 28, 2018, 04:53:06 PM
(https://i.pinimg.com/564x/e3/07/44/e307449e37333248788bf93717c610cf.jpg)
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Baruch on May 28, 2018, 05:25:27 PM
See if you hate people in general, or particular groups of people, or just one person ... you are just like a dictator ... what varies is the level of ambition ;-(
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: trdsf on May 28, 2018, 09:29:14 PM
The 911 joke (aka the hunter/dead friend joke) was analyzed to be the funniest joke in the world in 2006, and turned out to have been written by Spike Milligan for the Goon Show in 1951 (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/5064020.stm)—or at least no earlier reference to it has yet been found.
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Cavebear on May 29, 2018, 04:58:10 AM
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a man calls 911

man: I need help I just shot my friend! I think he's dead! What should I do?
911: well first we need to make sure he's dead.

man runs away from the phone. click. bang. man runs back to the phone

man: OK! Now what do I do???

One of the best jokes I read years ago!!!

And I love jokes.  But have you ever noticed that ALL jokes depend on someone being an idiot or looking stupid?  I tried to think of one that wasn't, and failed.

Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: trdsf on May 29, 2018, 10:49:05 AM
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One of the best jokes I read years ago!!!

And I love jokes.  But have you ever noticed that ALL jokes depend on someone being an idiot or looking stupid?  I tried to think of one that wasn't, and failed.
Ooo.  Now you have me thinking.  I can think of one or two that require specialized knowledge to 'get' it, but those are mostly science and math jokes that resolve into puns, like knowing the indegral of d(cabin)/cabin is ln(cabin) (pronounced 'log cabin') or "What do you do with a dead chemist?  Barium."
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Cavebear on May 29, 2018, 10:51:34 AM
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Ooo.  Now you have me thinking.  I can think of one or two that require specialized knowledge to 'get' it, but those are mostly science and math jokes that resolve into puns, like knowing the indegral of d(cabin)/cabin is ln(cabin) (pronounced 'log cabin') or "What do you do with a dead chemist?  Barium."

Log Cabin, and Barium...  Get it and Love them.  But jokes, not puns...
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: trdsf on May 29, 2018, 11:46:37 AM
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Log Cabin, and Barium...  Get it and Love them.  But jokes, not puns...
The other non-stupidity side of jokes is schadenfreude, of course, or as Mel Brooks puts it: "Tragedy is what happens to me, comedy is what happens to you."
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Cavebear on May 29, 2018, 12:58:39 PM
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The other non-stupidity side of jokes is schadenfreude, of course, or as Mel Brooks puts it: "Tragedy is what happens to me, comedy is what happens to you."

Can you give an example?  Even if the comedian is the butt of a joke, that still makes him/her look bad.

Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Emancipated on May 29, 2018, 01:08:00 PM
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One of the best jokes I read years ago!!!

And I love jokes.  But have you ever noticed that ALL jokes depend on someone being an idiot or looking stupid?  I tried to think of one that wasn't, and failed.
Polar bear walks into a bar and says, "Hey bartender, give me a gin........
..................
..................
..................
..................
and tonic!" The bartender says, "Sure! But why the big pause?" Looking at his hands, the polar bear says, "I don't know... My dad had them too!"

(no animals were harmed in the making of this joke) ;^)
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Unbeliever on May 29, 2018, 01:22:16 PM
I once made up a joke about Monica Lewinski, that she'd moved to Cuba because Castro had bigger cigars. But who even remembers her, now?
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on May 29, 2018, 01:26:26 PM
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Can you give an example?  Even if the comedian is the butt of a joke, that still makes him/her look bad.


Homer getting clobbered by anything in the area. Pratfalls. Abbott and Costello or just about any comedy duo.
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Unbeliever on May 29, 2018, 01:36:02 PM
Here's one I heard on Car Talk (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_and_Ray_Magliozzi), the funniest radio program ever:


Quote from: Ray Magliozzi
Never criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Cavebear on May 29, 2018, 01:38:45 PM
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I once made up a joke about Monica Lewinski, that she'd moved to Cuba because Castro had bigger cigars. But who even remembers her, now?

And that was insulting her sexual diminishment by Bill Clinton about the cigars.

Try again to find a joke that doesn't humiliate someone...  ;)
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Unbeliever on May 29, 2018, 02:34:08 PM
Would you include limericks as jokes? I know some of those that don't humiliate anyone.

For example:

There was a young lady named Bright
 Whose speed was far faster than light;
 She set out one day
 In a relative way
 And returned on the previous night.
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Cavebear on May 29, 2018, 02:40:01 PM
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Would you include limericks as jokes? I know some of those that don't humiliate anyone.

For example:

There was a young lady named Bright
 Whose speed was far faster than light;
 She set out one day
 In a relative way
 And returned on the previous night.

Well, that's more a really short story.

But I could counter with  -

There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

;
Title: Re: a call to 911
Post by: Baruch on May 30, 2018, 07:47:14 PM
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Well, that's more a really short story.

But I could counter with  -

There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger;
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside,
And the smile on the face of the tiger.

;

Sorry no tigers in Niger.  Probably originally a joke about the Brits in India.