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Arts and Entertainment => Tell a Joke or two => Topic started by: Hydra009 on April 05, 2018, 12:11:57 AM

Title: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Hydra009 on April 05, 2018, 12:11:57 AM
And if that's true, then I'm the gayest, flamingest, prettiest princess who ever lived!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTFVTKOlybA

Also, it's strange that he's eager to talk about sex (with particular interest in homosexuality) but can't quite bring himself to tackle the dreaded o-word.  Edging?  We've all been there.  But sometimes you just have to give in, open your mouth, and just go for it without stopping till you're done.
Title: Re: Pastor: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Cavebear on April 05, 2018, 12:15:25 AM
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And if that's true, then I'm the gayest, flamingest, prettiest princess who ever lived!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTFVTKOlybA

Also, it's strange that he's eager to talk about sex (with particular interest in homosexuality) but can't quite bring himself to tackle the dreaded o-word.  Edging?  We've all been there.  But sometimes you just have to give in, open your mouth, and just go for it without stopping till you're done.

Well it is sort of one-sided...  LOL!
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Baruch on April 05, 2018, 12:24:42 AM
If masturbation makes you blind, then I bet this guy can't see his own video ;-)
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: GSOgymrat on April 05, 2018, 12:54:55 AM
I suspect Coach Dave is trying to associate masturbation with homosexuality to deter young men from a practice he considers against Christian values. I also suspect he knows this interpretation is a stretch but if it keeps one person from masturbating he probably thinks it is justified. Fundamentalists frequently make these kinds of false associations, e.g. sinful behavior results in natural disasters. His association of orgasms with bowel movements makes sense because both are considered by fundamentalists unclean and degrading, as opposed to the spiritual and beyond the body. People like Coach Dave and I have completely different value systems and the chances we could anything better than tolerate one another is unlikely.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Cavebear on April 05, 2018, 01:17:19 AM
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I suspect Coach Dave is trying to associate masturbation with homosexuality to deter young men from a practice he considers against Christian values. I also suspect he knows this interpretation is a stretch but if it keeps one person from masturbating he probably thinks it is justified. Fundamentalists frequently make these kinds of false associations, e.g. sinful behavior results in natural disasters. His association of orgasms with bowel movements makes sense because both are considered by fundamentalists unclean and degrading, as opposed to the spiritual and beyond the body. People like Coach Dave and I have completely different value systems and the chances we could anything better than tolerate one another is unlikely.

On the other hand, he might just simply be insane as as many theists are.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: PickelledEggs on April 05, 2018, 01:29:08 AM
I must be really gay, then
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Cavebear on April 05, 2018, 01:36:18 AM
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I must be really gay, then

I don't see how getting physical pleasure/release ion your own is wrong.  It seems pretty harmless and natural.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: PickelledEggs on April 05, 2018, 01:41:17 AM
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I don't see how getting physical pleasure/release ion your own is wrong.  It seems pretty harmless and natural.
Yeah, me neither... But I guess that is where the saying "this is so good it's a sin" comes from

Sent from my Nexus 6 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Unbeliever on April 05, 2018, 02:54:37 PM
The guy's just trying to save money for people in the afterlife, since, according to Father Guido Sarducci, masterbation in this life costs you money in the afterlife (as do other sins, but masturbation really adds up!)


Quote from: Father Guido Sarducci (Don Novello)
Life is a job. You get $14.50 a day, but after you die, you have to pay for your sins. Stealing a hub cap is around $100. Masturbation is 35 cents (it doesn't seem like much, but it adds up). If there's money left when you subtract what you owe from what you've earned, you can go to heaven. If not, you have to go back to work. (Sort of like reincarnation -- many nuns are Mafia guys working it off.)
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Unbeliever on April 05, 2018, 03:02:46 PM
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I don't see how getting physical pleasure/release ion your own is wrong.  It seems pretty harmless and natural.
Hell, some religious folks think that any kind of pleasure at all is horribly sinful - dancing, music, food. As a Southern Baptist I was forbidden from dancing when I was a kid. Still don't know how, when I dance I look like Gomez Addams trying to dance.

Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Shiranu on April 05, 2018, 03:12:14 PM
I mean, you do have a dude's dick in your hand and are normally quite enthusiastic about jerking it... that is a little gay, if you don't actually think about it.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Unbeliever on April 05, 2018, 03:13:56 PM



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oj3VphK9AMk
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Munch on April 05, 2018, 08:03:08 PM
does it count a double gay if you jerk off your boyfriend?

Does it count as quad points if you do so with two boyfriends same time?

I'd like to know his scoring system.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Baruch on April 05, 2018, 08:51:31 PM
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does it count a double gay if you jerk off your boyfriend?

Does it count as quad points if you do so with two boyfriends same time?

I'd like to know his scoring system.

TMI or TMP?
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Hydra009 on April 06, 2018, 02:18:42 AM
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I mean, you do have a dude's dick in your hand and are normally quite enthusiastic about jerking it... that is a little gay, if you don't actually think about it.
Yeah, but it's your dick.  If it was some other guy's dick, then yeah, that's pretty gay.  Unless you're practicing for straight sex.  That doesn't count, right guys?  Asking for a friend...
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Baruch on April 06, 2018, 05:45:29 AM
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Yeah, but it's your dick.  If it was some other guy's dick, then yeah, that's pretty gay.  Unless you're practicing for straight sex.  That doesn't count, right guys?  Asking for a friend...

Back in the day, if you were a kid, playing doctor, then no, it isn't pedophilia.  But sex-phobia by the Puritan horde has demonized everything.  Not saying an adult and a kid, but two kids ... pre-puberty.  Puberty puts and end to that if a girl is involved.  If you are two adults, it isn't practical education you are needing.  Perhaps acceptance and intimacy.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: GSOgymrat on April 06, 2018, 10:06:52 AM
When my mother was dying of cancer I had to clean her after she soiled her diaper. I guess Coach Dave would say I've had sex with my mother. Evangelicals worry about what God will think, Humanists just get the job done.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Jason78 on April 06, 2018, 06:46:39 PM
How does this explain bisexuals then?     Are they only holding half of it?
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Baruch on April 06, 2018, 06:55:22 PM
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How does this explain bisexuals then?     Are they only holding half of it?

Bi people .. don't know if they are cuming or going ;-)
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Hydra009 on April 06, 2018, 09:32:10 PM
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How does this explain bisexuals then?     Are they only holding half of it?
It pushes them over into fullgay territory.
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Cavebear on April 07, 2018, 12:54:19 AM
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Hell, some religious folks think that any kind of pleasure at all is horribly sinful - dancing, music, food. As a Southern Baptist I was forbidden from dancing when I was a kid. Still don't know how, when I dance I look like Gomez Addams trying to dance.

Yes.  A "Puritan is a person who is afraid that someone, somewhere, is happy".  I came from a long line of deliriously unhappy people happy in the unhappiness of themselves and others and probably feared that their happiness in the unhappiness of others would surely send them to Hell.  It was their certain road to God!  Today we call them "Republicans".
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Unbeliever on April 07, 2018, 02:23:22 PM
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Today we call them "Republicans".
Well, among other things...
Title: Re: Christian talk show host: Masturbation is gay
Post by: Cavebear on April 07, 2018, 08:53:48 PM
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Well, among other things...

Well, yes, I have other names for them too, but not as polite.  "idiots, morons, dumb-asses, and really stupid dumb-asses" come to mind.  But as far as I can tell, "Republican" encompasses all those.

And I say that recognizing that some Democrats are  "idiots, morons, dumb-asses, and really stupid dumb-asses" as well...  It is just that the "idiots, morons, dumb-asses, and really stupid dumb-asses" Republicans seem to outnumber the Democratic ones 3-1.  And if any Republican out there wants to get competitive, OK 4-1.   You win...