So I read this article and it’s hilarious: The fart that (almost) altered my destiny. https://annalindthomas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/ (https://annalindthomas.com/the-fart-that-almost-altered-my-destiny/)
o I was wondering if anyone else had any funny/embarrassing stories they would be willing to share?
I went to a chinese restaurant and had the runs in their bathroom.
Problem is, the smell of it was horrendous enough to cause me to vomit. I couldn't vomit without crapping and I couldn't crap without vomiting. It was quite a dilemma. So I alternated between hugging the porcelain throne and sitting on it, with each option doing increasingly unspeakable things to the floor. I was pretty much a human fountain for a solid couple minutes.
Fortunately, I had some spare pants in the car for just such an occasion which my friend fetched for me. Cleanup took a while, though. The ill-fated pants were promptly thrown in the dumpster and I took a very hot and very long shower asap.
Another food disaster. I was eating an Arby's roast beef sandwich with Horsey sauce (creamy horseradish) ... and I sneezed when a chunk of sandwich was in my mouth. The suction pulled part of the half eaten sandwich up the back side of my palette (back side of nose) ... and plugged it. And the Horsey sauce started burning (it was otherwise mild, just not in a place where it belonged). Anyway, I headed to the men's room, and worked on using suction on the back of my pallete by making a sucky face, until it came out and down my throat where it was supposed to go in the first place. Eventually mucus flushed out the inflammation of the Horsey sauce on my mucous membranes at the back of my nose.
Never ever take a bite of anything, if you think your next act is a sneeze. Just stop right there and don't snarf your food! Can't eat/drink and sneeze at the same time.
Quote from: Cavebear on March 23, 2018, 11:03:57 PM
Nope, had one fer sure, but I am still embarrassed... It will take at least 10 of you swear "pinky fingers" never to repeat it anywhere.
Let the count begin... And I'm probably going to regret this...
I make no promises... haha
Many years ago, in San Francisco, I tried to climb a cliff just for the fun of it.
There's a little beach somewhere between Golden Gate Park and Baker beach, that you have to go down a cliff trail to get to. I used to go there often, but this time I decided, foolishly, not to go up the trail when I left, but to go straight up the cliff. It looked pretty easy - it was about 80 or so feet high - and I was doing well until I got close to the top, where the soil just kept crumbling every time I tried to get a hand hold, so I couldn't seem to go any higher to finish the climb.
I was trying to decide whether I should try to go back down the way I'd come - I didn't want to do that, since climbing up I could see where to put my hands and feet, but going down I wasn't so sure about that - or to call out for help. I was still about 5 or 6 feet from the top, just hugging the cliff, and there was an oriental couple walking by above me on a walkway, and the look on their faces was priceless! But they just kept going, and I didn't say anything to them. Then a guy came along and asked if I need help, and I said "I surely do!"
Just by coincidence there was a stick I could reach, that was maybe an inch is so thick, that seemed strong enough, and long enough, and he was a big beefy guy who looked like he could pull me up, so I held it up to him and he pulled me the rest of the way to the top. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even get his name or anything, I just left. I did thank him profusely, though, since he may well have saved my life. If I'd tried to back down the cliff I very well could've fallen to my death, or worse, I could've been maimed for life.
I met up with a contractor at a work meeting. He went in to kiss my cheek, Euro-style. I moved my head the wrong way for some reason and we ended up kissing on the lips.
Quote from: Mermaid on March 24, 2018, 03:23:22 PM
I met up with a contractor at a work meeting. He went in to kiss my cheek, Euro-style. I moved my head the wrong way for some reason and we ended up kissing on the lips.
Reminds me of the whole Katy Perry thing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMQBjaZSJWo
Quote from: Unbeliever on March 24, 2018, 02:13:23 PM
Many years ago, in San Francisco, I tried to climb a cliff just for the fun of it.
There's a little beach somewhere between Golden Gate Park and Baker beach, that you have to go down a cliff trail to get to. I used to go there often, but this time I decided, foolishly, not to go up the trail when I left, but to go straight up the cliff. It looked pretty easy - it was about 80 or so feet high - and I was doing well until I got close to the top, where the soil just kept crumbling every time I tried to get a hand hold, so I couldn't seem to go any higher to finish the climb.
I was trying to decide whether I should try to go back down the way I'd come - I didn't want to do that, since climbing up I could see where to put my hands and feet, but going down I wasn't so sure about that - or to call out for help. I was still about 5 or 6 feet from the top, just hugging the cliff, and there was an oriental couple walking by above me on a walkway, and the look on their faces was priceless! But they just kept going, and I didn't say anything to them. Then a guy came along and asked if I need help, and I said "I surely do!"
Just by coincidence there was a stick I could reach, that was maybe an inch is so thick, that seemed strong enough, and long enough, and he was a big beefy guy who looked like he could pull me up, so I held it up to him and he pulled me the rest of the way to the top. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even get his name or anything, I just left. I did thank him profusely, though, since he may well have saved my life. If I'd tried to back down the cliff I very well could've fallen to my death, or worse, I could've been maimed for life.
That wasn't embarrassing, that was rational. Falling to your death would have been embarrassing.
Quote from: Mermaid on March 24, 2018, 03:23:22 PM
I met up with a contractor at a work meeting. He went in to kiss my cheek, Euro-style. I moved my head the wrong way for some reason and we ended up kissing on the lips.
I once kissed my mother right on the lips. We just moved wrong. But neither of us made a big deal of it. Awkward things happen.
I can't describe the event. You'll have to catch me when I've been drinking... And that isn't tonight, LOL!
Cavebear wrote:QuoteThat wasn't embarrassing, that was rational. Falling to your death would have been embarrassing.
Wrong. Dead people seldom get embarrassed.
Quote from: pr126 on March 26, 2018, 12:30:20 AM
Cavebear wrote:Wrong. Dead people seldom get embarrassed.
That is actually one of the smartest things you have ever said! I agree completely. And I mean no insult at all.
Quote from: Cavebear on March 26, 2018, 12:17:10 AM
That wasn't embarrassing, that was rational. Falling to your death would have been embarrassing.
Yeah, I'd rather die than embarrass myself by falling to my death!
The internet has ruined me.
First off, I've gotta say that I have a pretty dark and twisted sense of humor. Heavily black and blue.
So I'm around family, browsing reddit and I see that joke about Guy Ferrari. The one where he slathers BBQ sauce on a bullet, loads it into a revolver, and mutters to himself, "One last trip to Flavortown"
Maybe I was just easily amused that day, but I bust up laughing. My mom turns around and asks me what I'm laughing at.
OH SHIT. Gotta lie fast! I make up some bullshit about a cat licking a deer's face. She says "that's not very funny". No shit.
And the thing is, she's the kind of person who gets deeply offended by jokes, so I have to be extra careful around her. Essentially, Mrs Broflovski in the flesh. Makes for some very awkward situations.
The funniest thing I ever saw:
I was at a dog park and this tiny, trembly little Chihuahua was face-humping a big German Shepherd. That little chihuahua was really going for it with every fiber of its being. And the German Shepherd didn't seem to mind all that much.
I almost died laughing. The absurdity of it, the Chihuahua's o-face, the German Shepherd's zen-like patience, and the extreme taboo breach made it irresitably funny to me.
I didn't just laugh, I dropped to my knees laughing. I cried laughing. I cramped from laughter. And I probably would've died laughing if my brother hadn't escorted me away.
The last thing I saw when I looked back was a mortified dog owner running to intervene. Her distressed expression triggered another laughing fit before I could finally calm down.
About forty years ago I got suckered into going with some lady friends to a strip joint that employed male dancer. No big deal, I was used to showering with half the Engineering Dept. when we were at sea. However, I didn't know it was amatuer night. I am not, and never have been bashful, so this one would go in the funny side, because nobody has ever accused me of being able to dance. (The audience really didn't seem to care, however.)
Quote from: Hydra009 on March 26, 2018, 03:31:40 PM
The funniest thing I ever saw:
I was at a dog park and this tiny, trembly little Chihuahua was face-humping a big German Shepherd. That little chihuahua was really going for it with every fiber of its being. And the German Shepherd didn't seem to mind all that much.
I almost died laughing. The absurdity of it, the Chihuahua's o-face, the German Shepherd's zen-like patience, and the extreme taboo breech made it irresitably funny to me.
I didn't just laugh, I dropped to my knees laughing. I cried laughing. I cramped from laughter. And I probably would've died laughing if my brother hadn't escorted me away.
The last thing I saw when I looked back was a mortified dog owner running to intervene. Her distressed expression triggered another laughing fit before I could finally calm down.
We have a papillon that use to do that to our beagle out in the yard. Our neighbor use to tell me that every time he saw it he would just laugh. (apparently it happened on a regular basis...)
Quote from: Hydra009 on March 26, 2018, 03:18:59 PM
The internet has ruined me.
First off, I've gotta say that I have a pretty dark and twisted sense of humor. Heavily black and blue.
So I'm around family, browsing reddit and I see that joke about Guy Ferrari. The one where he slathers BBQ sauce on a bullet, loads it into a revolver, and mutters to himself, "One last trip to Flavortown"
Maybe I was just easily amused that day, but I bust up laughing. My mom turns around and asks me what I'm laughing at.
OH SHIT. Gotta lie fast! I make up some bullshit about a cat licking a deer's face. She says "that's not very funny". No shit.
And the thing is, she's the kind of person who gets deeply offended by jokes, so I have to be extra careful around her. Essentially, Mrs Broflovski in the flesh. Makes for some very awkward situations.
I actually think the BBQ bullet was pointless in any practicality but kind of funny in concept.
And people with no sense of humor drive me nuts.
Quote from: Cavebear on March 30, 2018, 02:04:05 AM
I'm pretty ope about things, right? I don't lie or hide things.
So here;s the sitch. I was 16, just having my driver liscence and all and was the eldest brother. My younger nrother by 2 years was along on a fishing trip. Some older guys told us about a small bay 1/2 mile down the abandoned railroad tracks (and the really were abandoned) where the fishing for bass was better (and they weren't lying, it was just a pain to get to. So of course off we went!
And the fishing was good. We caught more bass and larger ones there in one hour than we had caught at the more convenient spot in days. So we caught almost a dozen (all catch and release on barbless hooks because that's what we did). I squatted down to pick one up carefully (not by the jaw like the cruelly show on TV fishing shows)m,
And did a half poop! I was surprised (to say it mildly), and felt humiliated. to lose bowel control like that.
If I had been even a couple years older, I would have just gone around a bush, taken off my T shirt and cleaned myself up, abandoning the T shirt, and gone about the day.
Instead, I tried to pretend it hadn't happened. That was stupid, but when you are young, you do stupid things. I told my brother it was time to leave. I walked 1/2 mile along the railroad track feeling it, sat in the car on it, and drove hove. Of course I immediately showered when we got home and and I washed my clothes thoroughly.
So that's the most embarrassing thing. If anyone has something to beat THAT, I'd like to hear about it. I could sure use something to smile at and not judge beyond that!
Peeing and pooping yourself, when not on the toilet, is a common experience for old people. My main problem as a child was constipation.
I shared a house with a buddy of mine many a year ago. He was a small time contractor and I, a small time masonry contractor. One Saturday I decided to give the oak floors a good cleaning. We had a large wall mounted fold down drafting table on one side of the room. We also had about 5-5gallon buckets of paint under the table. I put all the buckets on the table and begin to clean the floors. As they are wood I used a damp cloth and immediately wiped off after with a towel. I worked under the table and for some reason grabbed both legs of the table to clean under them.
When I came too, there was about 10 gallons of paint all over the floor and a very large knot on my head.
Quote from: aitm on March 31, 2018, 08:56:15 AM
I shared a house with a buddy of mine many a year ago. He was a small time contractor and I, a small time masonry contractor. One Saturday I decided to give the oak floors a good cleaning. We had a large wall mounted fold down drafting table on one side of the room. We also had about 5-5gallon buckets of paint under the table. I put all the buckets on the table and begin to clean the floors. As they are wood I used a damp cloth and immediately wiped off after with a towel. I worked under the table and for some reason grabbed both legs of the table to clean under them.
When I came too, there was about 10 gallons of paint all over the floor and a very large knot on my head.
Oh man, I hope the painted floor looked good afterwards, LOL!
Quote from: Unbeliever on March 26, 2018, 01:26:29 PM
Yeah, I'd rather die than embarrass myself by falling to my death!
That's good. Both involving dying.
Quote from: Cavebear on April 10, 2018, 04:42:57 AM
That's good. Both involving dying.
One hasn't lived until one is publicly humiliated and survived. Part of the mystery of the Cross, is humiliation (as crucifixion was seen by contemporaries).
Current embarrassment ... I get all my news from the fake fake media (that makes it the true media) ...
https://politics.theonion.com/most-shocking-revelations-of-the-comey-memos-1825430383
The Onion has to work so hard these days to get one step ahead of reality ... but I think they are up for the job.
When I was 2 or 3 years old, I learned it was possible to pee outside. I did so at every opportunity. Including the preschool playground.
Well if you give me 15+ drinks and a half gram of cocaine I become a raging homosexual. Usually try to never come into contact with people who've seen me like this again - other than close friends, of course.
Quote from: Hijiri Byakuren on April 22, 2018, 09:49:54 PM
When I was 2 or 3 years old, I learned it was possible to pee outside. I did so at every opportunity. Including the preschool playground.
If you were precocious ... then you could spell out your name in the snow.
Quote from: Gilgamesh on April 22, 2018, 10:12:33 PM
Well if you give me 15+ drinks and a half gram of cocaine I become a raging homosexual. Usually try to never come into contact with people who've seen me like this again - other than close friends, of course.
I had a coworker who confided in me her husband would get shitfaced, take out his glass eye and dance around in her dresses.
Quote from: GSOgymrat on April 22, 2018, 11:14:21 PM
I had a coworker who confided in me her husband would get shitfaced, take out his glass eye and dance around in her dresses.
Good Grief!
Quote from: SGOS on April 23, 2018, 07:30:12 AM
Good Grief!
Is that you ... Charlie Brown? Naive much? This reminds me of some of our many discussion strings ...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ-t4DhAfrs
I have to admit, this makes me feel a lot more normal. Even given that "normal" MIGHT be a minority.
I eat carrots by chewing off the non-core part (its easier than you might think as it naturally separates), and than eating the core last.
When I was young, I used to separate stew into all the ingredient parts and eat them one at a time. And today I LOVE mixed foods.
When I was poor after college, I ate hamburger helper with extra helper. At some times, there was no hamburger at all.
I used to LOVE doubleknit pants. And bell-bottoms. And square-toed engineer boots (as opposed to cowboy boots with poibnty toes.
I bought a pair of Blue Suede Shoes decades after they were popular.
My sister sent me a tote bag once for Xmas, and I called Mom and asked "why did she send me a purse?".
I was in an emergency situation recently and someome asked to use my cell phone. I didn't own one.
I never watched an episode of Dallas, CSI, or any sitcom after M*A*S*H. And forget ANYTHING after 2000.
I haven't eaten any fast food for 10 years.
I haven't been in a movie theater since "Antz" was new. I just wait for them to show up or regular cable eventually.
There is more, but you get the point. I am not "current culturally engaged", LOL!
I am glad your parents eventually let you out of their basement ;-)