I suffer daily from suicidal thoughts. I've been this way since I can remember. I remember being a little kid and always having low self-esteem, low confidence, self-hatred, and always leaning towards the negative side.
However, I think my life as an adult shows that I have sound reasons to desire death. I won't go through them all, but it involves my utter defectiveness in every aspect of my existence, from my ability to achieve the lowest of goals, to making friends and maintaining friendships, to gaining and maintaining employment, to school, to women, etc...
I don't think I suffer from depression. It is just that I can't stand who I am, and I just wish my life were over.
My favorite time is when I'm asleep. It is as close to non-existence as it gets, and I really love it. It is the utter absence of having to deal with anything or anyone in life. It is peaceful and comfortable. Life is nothing but pain from the moment my eyes open to the moment I shut them again.
Just to make things clear, I'm suicidal at the moment. Though I am very down in the dumps. I'm just posting for catharsis.
Sorry, I posted this in the wrong forum. Someone please move it.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on April 17, 2017, 12:12:15 AM
I suffer daily from suicidal thoughts. I've been this way since I can remember. I remember being a little kid and always having low self-esteem, low confidence, self-hatred, and always leaning towards the negative side.
However, I think my life as an adult shows that I have sound reasons to desire death. I won't go through them all, but it involves my utter defectiveness in every aspect of my existence, from my ability to achieve the lowest of goals, to making friends and maintaining friendships, to gaining and maintaining employment, to school, to women, etc...
I don't think I suffer from depression. It is just that I can't stand who I am, and I just wish my life were over.
My favorite time is when I'm asleep. It is as close to non-existence as it gets, and I really love it. It is the utter absence of having to deal with anything or anyone in life. It is peaceful and comfortable. Life is nothing but pain from the moment my eyes open to the moment I shut them again.
Just to make things clear, I'm suicidal at the moment. Though I am very down in the dumps. I'm just posting for catharsis.
Masturbate, smoke weed, drink alcohol, get yourself some favorite food, watch movies or play games literally anything to get yourself from making the decision to kill yourself ASAP!
Get more sleep (obviously you have lack of sleep or poor quality sleep. Your body is telling you something. And see a doctor.
I've been going through this suicidal shit since I was a kid and now at 57 going on 58 I still go through it, but now I'm much more reasonable about it. It took awhile, but I figured out that not every single breathing second of life sucks as much as others. Some are downright pleasant. When I feel suicidal now I just wait until I'm not. I also came to the realization that I'm much closer to just dying from old age than ever. I inch every so closer every second.
Quote from: Draconic Aiur on April 17, 2017, 03:29:04 AM
Masturbate, smoke weed, drink alcohol, get yourself some favorite food, watch movies or play games literally anything to get yourself from making the decision to kill yourself ASAP!
Alcohol is a depressant. I would not suggest that.
Quote from: Sorginak on April 17, 2017, 09:36:12 AM
Alcohol is a depressant. I would not suggest that.
It numbs you and improves your mood. So it can help.
Quote from: MyelinSheath on April 17, 2017, 12:12:15 AM
I suffer daily from suicidal thoughts. I've been this way since I can remember. I remember being a little kid and always having low self-esteem, low confidence, self-hatred, and always leaning towards the negative side.
However, I think my life as an adult shows that I have sound reasons to desire death. I won't go through them all, but it involves my utter defectiveness in every aspect of my existence, from my ability to achieve the lowest of goals, to making friends and maintaining friendships, to gaining and maintaining employment, to school, to women, etc...
I don't think I suffer from depression. It is just that I can't stand who I am, and I just wish my life were over.
My favorite time is when I'm asleep. It is as close to non-existence as it gets, and I really love it. It is the utter absence of having to deal with anything or anyone in life. It is peaceful and comfortable. Life is nothing but pain from the moment my eyes open to the moment I shut them again.
Just to make things clear, I'm suicidal at the moment. Though I am very down in the dumps. I'm just posting for catharsis.
Post away! You will not get any right answers, most will be useless, but by all means continue to post. As you say..it is indeed a catharsis. This is why confession is so helpful to those who need it. Radio talk shows are very helpful to people who want to unload in an anonymous way. Keep posting and fuck anybody who tells you otherwise. Keep posting until you get tired of it.
Everyone has something bothering their thoughts. I have a fear of heights and also tight spaces. I think mine make sense (both can kill you). Other people have other fears. I had a co-worker afraid of cats (anyone been attacked by a cat?) and one you feared open spaces )afraid of falling off the ground).
Some fears are rational, some are not.
Quote from: Draconic Aiur on April 17, 2017, 03:29:04 AM
Masturbate, smoke weed, drink alcohol, get yourself some favorite food, watch movies or play games literally anything to get yourself from making the decision to kill yourself ASAP!
Or,
@MyelinSheath , go for a jog or something.
I think you are thinking too much, experiencing too little.
A dead mind does not worry, true. But neither does a preoccupied one, and it can be potentially much more enjoyable.
You'll be dead soon enough. Like the rest of us.
Might as well try this limited offer for as long as it lasts.
After 4 admissions to a mental institution, I can say, live in the moment, because that's only thing that's true - albeit it never lasts, nothing does.
Quote from: Blackleaf on April 17, 2017, 03:15:48 PM
It numbs you and improves your mood. So it can help.
Till you wake up with a hangover..
Alcohol impairs your judgment and if you're suicidal even minor annoyances can seem like a good reason to kill yourself.. Alcohol is one of the worst substances for dealing with depression.
I've been through it in spades.. You might as well suggest playing with guns, razor blades and new rope..
Quote from: AllPurposeAtheist on April 21, 2017, 06:50:54 AM
Till you wake up with a hangover..
Alcohol impairs your judgment and if you're suicidal even minor annoyances can seem like a good reason to kill yourself.. Alcohol is one of the worst substances for dealing with depression.
I've been through it in spades.. You might as well suggest playing with guns, razor blades and new rope..
I'm not suggesting he drink himself into a coma. One glass of wine with dinner won't hurt. Just enough to get a slight buzz, without the loss of self-control or hangover in the morning.
Yours is not a depression, it's existential crisis.
i propose you search it.
Quote from: SoldierofFortune on April 22, 2017, 10:19:11 AM
Yours is not a depression, it's existential crisis.
i propose you search it.
Kierkegaard ... theistic existentialism
Sartre ... atheist existentialism
Consciousness is a sustained pragmatic hysteria, from the moment you go thru labor with your mother. Sometimes someone needs to slap you to sensibility, initially the delivery doctor, later .. other people.
Quote from: Baruch on April 22, 2017, 11:29:59 AM
Kierkegaard ... theistic existentialism
Sartre ... atheist existentialism
At my first semester anniversary at university my big brother bought me a book. Just what every over-sexed hyper boned teenage kid in a collage town wanted....."Existentialism... from Dostoyevsky to Sarte"...what the fuck? A rather impressive book that I occasionally strifed through but mostly fanned the pages in effort to make it look read and left it about the living room to enhance my chances in my sole pursuit of pussy.
Do you ever just think...damn, natural selection sure is bad at it's job! It's supposed to weed out genes like mine. I shouldn't exist. I wish I didn't 99.9999999(infinitesimal 9s)% of the time.
I think if we hadn't become adapt at adapting the environment that adapts us through natural selection, 99% Of us would already have died by now.
Anyways, You may not be born lucky. But you are lucky to be born.
Quote from: Mr.Obvious on April 28, 2017, 03:55:52 AM
I think if we hadn't become adapt at adapting the environment that adapts us through natural selection, 99% Of us would already have died by now.
Anyways, You may not be born lucky. But you are lucky to be born.
Unfortunately, changing the environment to better adapt to us, creates a metastable situation ... if we lose our grip, the environment reverts to being the hostile bitch she is.
We are all just the sperm that got to the ova fastest and able to join it. For every dumb-as-hell person, the next sperm might have been a winner. Its sad to think sperm-speed controls so much...
Yeah, yeah, environment and epigenetics matter, but it starts and it greatly decided with the winning little squiggler. A twitch and a change of thrust can be Einstein or the village idiot.
I wonder if an individual sperm experiences an orgasm when it reaches the egg first?
Quote from: SGOS on June 15, 2017, 11:13:28 AM
I wonder if an individual sperm experiences an orgasm when it reaches the egg first?
I don't think so. They don't have brains or a nervous system, so they shouldn't experience anything.
Quote from: Blackleaf on June 15, 2017, 06:33:49 PM
I don't think so. They don't have brains or a nervous system, so they shouldn't experience anything.
I would agree, that they won't be nervous about anything ;-)
Quote from: Blackleaf on June 15, 2017, 06:33:49 PM
I don't think so. They don't have brains or a nervous system, so they shouldn't experience anything.
But they act just like me and my friends going after that one hottie when we were in high school. Of course, we didn't have brains or nervous systems either.
Quote from: SGOS on June 15, 2017, 08:37:03 PM
But they act just like me and my friends going after that one hottie when we were in high school. Of course, we didn't have brains or nervous systems either.
You had slightly more than a sperm. A sperm is about as simple as it gets. YOU were probably also thinking of cool cars, sports figures, and food at the same time. That is at least 3x as complicated. ;)
Quote from: Cavebear on June 18, 2017, 04:43:04 AM
You had slightly more than a sperm. A sperm is about as simple as it gets. YOU were probably also thinking of cool cars, sports figures, and food at the same time. That is at least 3x as complicated. ;)
Silly gametes! Half the sperm are girls. The woman's egg is all girl. Males are not (at the gamete level), we are bi-gendered.