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Arts and Entertainment => Tell a Joke or two => Topic started by: drunkenshoe on September 15, 2016, 03:12:44 AM

Title: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: drunkenshoe on September 15, 2016, 03:12:44 AM
QuoteMINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)â€"Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports.

The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.

“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information,” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said. “And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive.”

More worryingly, Logsdon said, “As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.”

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information en route from the auditory nerve to the brain. “The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future. “Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.

Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: Gawdzilla Sama on September 15, 2016, 06:44:15 AM
Link?
Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: drunkenshoe on September 15, 2016, 07:27:05 AM
Oh sorry.

Link

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/scientists-earth-endangered-by-new-strain-of-fact-resistant-humans
Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: Draconic Aiur on September 15, 2016, 12:59:03 PM
Satire?
Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: drunkenshoe on September 15, 2016, 01:07:07 PM
Yep.
Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: TJ on February 01, 2017, 01:40:21 AM
"Fact-resistant humans" lol. A perfect description of atheists!
Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: Unbeliever on February 01, 2017, 05:11:43 PM
Yeah, I used to listen to Andy Borowitz when he did "BS News."


Here's a good one:

Supreme Court Forces G.O.P. to Seek New Bogus Issues for 2016 (http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/supreme-court-forces-g-o-p-to-seek-new-bogus-issues-for-2016)
Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: Cavebear on February 20, 2017, 01:29:49 AM
Quote from: TJ on February 01, 2017, 01:40:21 AM
"Fact-resistant humans" lol. A perfect description of atheists!

theists are pretty much fact-oriented.  It all there is.
Title: Re: Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans
Post by: fencerider on May 15, 2017, 01:56:14 AM
earth endangered by a fact-resistant human named DuhRump